To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Do you hang things up once you try them on?

Yes, always.

I have so many clothes out at all times!

So put them away.

I like my house tidy- I let the kids make dens and play games and have toys out but always tidy it after. I can’t relax especially in the evening if it’s a mess so generally tidy downstairs when DH does bath and bed.
Have a place for everything. Don’t let stuff build up- we get in from swimming and all the stuff immediately goes into the wash or tidy in the bag ready for next week. Ditto home from holiday club/school- lunch boxes emptied and prepped for the next day and bags sorted- ✅. Instead of looking at the sofa that needs selling it constantly I’d take photos immediately and upload them onto fb marketplace or wherever. If I get an email from school I action asap.
I don’t feel (too!) overwhelmed as those constant little things let me keep on top of stuff!

Agree. People always claim their house is “messy but clean” but I’m yet to encounter one of these mythical homes. What it means is they can’t see the dirt and grime collecting because there’s stuff everywhere to hide it.

there's no harm, but some of us prefer a tidy home.

My home is lived-in, but there's no need to abandon toys once you finish playin with them. My kids can build forts with the sofa if they want, but when they are done, we put everything away properly.

I never go to bed in a messy house. It's not true that having kids means having a mess

Op. I am like you. Over the years I have learnt what is needed to be very clean and tidy and I can do it for short periods of time but it is against my fundamental nature of low energy. What is needed is lots of small habits sonever ever leave anything out after you have used it. Never leave tour bedroom in thr morning without having taken dirty clothes away, made the bed etc

Once you come home, the priority is to put everything you brought through the door away where it belongs ,.clean and tidy before sitting down at all.

Never go from one room to another without an empty hand, there is usually something that belongs in the room you are going to. Take it where it belongs or if it belongs upstairs then have a basket of things to go upstairs and the next time you go up, take.it with you and put everything in it away before doing the thing you went up.for . Whenever you are in a room, scan for what needs a wipe or what does not belong there and do it before sitting down or make sure you do iit the next time you are doing an actual clean . This is on top of the usual cleaning routine I have of 30mins of proper cleaning/ tidying a day

In effect it is constant small habits and not sitting down much, if at all. I know what to do and have done it in the past for a while. The house always looks great but I get more and more tired and more miserable so eventually I stop. Then the house gets more untidy (never terrible but just not show home ready all the time) and that makes me unhappy as well.

I have no idea what the answer is but if I could be a bit happier with a less tidy house I would definitely choose that. When I am keeping it very clean and tidy it feels both mentally and physically exhausting to me. I am not saying it is like that for everyone but it definitely is for me.

As others have said you feel overwhelmed and exhausted because you’re effectively behind all the time chasing your tail. You need to start every day at 100% tidy and sorted and be topping up regularly from 80% today back up when the kids are down rather than dropping to 10% tidy and feeling completely stressed!

We have a cleaner, but our house is able to be thoroughly cleaned by her as we keep it tidy and therefore she doesn’t spend a chunk of the cleaning time putting things away or moving them. We also keep on top of it between visits so she can spend her time doing a really thorough job which probably contributes to the “immaculate” look.

The biggest secret to being tidy, and I am not naturally tidy, is that everything has a place that is shut away, like a cupboard or wardrobe or drawer. I wonder if things don’t have a “place”, so they get dropped and not picked up.

When the places get full, either recycle, sell, or throw away, or put away for winter/summer.

I also have a routine for cleaning, and cloths and cleaning products in the rooms where they are needed, including a big roll of kitchen roll and Vanish carpet/upholstery spray in a drawer in the living room for spills.

i am like the prev poster who said it all looks tidy until you open a cupboard or drawer...

I have recently reconnected with an old work friend who runs a home organisation company now. I found her work acc on insta first and still follow it as its fascinating ... since I started following her I have decluttered SO SO SO much

Literally today waiting for the kettle to boil I looked in the meds drawer and threw away 4 x ood creams, liquid antihistamine, a 5 year ood inhaler, put a coupleof craft bits in the right place ... she has given me that OOOPMH to get rid!

I can't pay the £120 an hour she charges but I'll take her advice for free LMAO

The other day I was in my walk in wardrobe in my undies when dh came upstairs, to avoid flashing him (my own insecuritie) i arranged my tops by string vest, vest, sleevless, short sleeve and long sleeve and made sure all jumpers are together. I suddenly seem to have SO much room

I'm naturally tidy - everything has a place and we are lucky to have oodles of storage. I get stressed around mess, so I choose to keep on top of everything, but I never sit down abd relax!
I think it's important that children can invite their friends around with no notice, they shouldn't be embarrassed by their own home.

I’m a tidy person. Like others I can’t relax if I know there is mess to be sorted. It’s an ADHD thing for me I think.

I’ve moved house a few times in the last few years and each time you do end up getting rid of a lot of stuff. But I still have lots of stuff! I’m not minimalist by any stretch, but everything does have a place (pretty much).

If I walk up the stairs I take something up with me and put it away. Same if I walk downstairs then I take a basket of washing down or gather up anything which needs to move downstairs.

The kids (12 and 15) are made to tidy their rooms every 2-3 days. Which doesn’t take them long as it’s only a bit of surface / floor mess.

When I come home I put things away rather than leave them lying around.

I have a 5 minute tidy before I go up to bed (fluff cushions, put dishwasher on, wipe kitchen down, etc).

I clean up straight after dinner. Couldn’t relax in front of the TV if I knew there was a shit ton of clearing up to do.

The recycling gets taken out as soon as the bag is full so it’s never overflowing.

The hob gets wiped down every night so is never that dirty.

I sweep the kitchen most days.

Make the bed before I come down to breakfast.

It’s just habit for me. It doesn’t feel like I spend a lot of time tidying because it never gets that bad.

I’m often doing 2 or 3 (or more) jobs at the same time. Eg. I need to go upstairs to take some medication, say. I know there is a lightbulb gone so I’ll grab a new lightbulb. On my way past the shoe rack I see it’s getting a bit crowded so I gather up a couple of pairs of shoes to put away upstairs. I go up, take my pills, put the shoes away, change the lightbulb. As I’m changing the lightbulb I notice the flowers in my room are past their best so I take them down with the old lightbulb. I throw away the flowers and rinse out the vase and put it in the dishwasher. So what started as me needing some painkillers, ended up being three other small jobs. But I was going up and down the stairs anyway so they kinda merge into a less than ten minute activity rather than 4 separate jobs I need to do individually, IYSWIM.

Agree with all the PP who say that the main difference is people who automatically tidy up as they go along or put things away once used vs. those who don't. It is harder with young kids - but always having a clear place for everything - and not too much stuff- helps.

A friend lodged with me as a temporary stop gap for a few months. I was fascinated by how much mess she managed to create and just how inefficient she was. When she came home from work, she just dumped stuff instead of taking an extra nanosecond to hang her bag/coat up. When she went to the kitchen to make another cup of tea, she didn't take the empty biscuit plate back at the same time (it was as if she didn't even see it). While the kettle was boiling, she didn't put sugar away after spooning into mug.

And so on .... soon added up to mayhem.

You don’t need to be ashamed, it’s your home. However, if you want to be more tidy I think these are the key things:

1. Rigorous declutter
2. Everything (and I mean everything) has its place
3. Everything goes back in its place as soon as it’s finished being used

If you follow that and make sure you don’t accumulate too much stuff, I don’t think you can go far wrong.

I live and dream tidyness. It gives my head space to breath. You can hire professional declutterers if its getting you down. But tidiness is a habbit and a lifestyle. Not compulsary by any means... everyone has a lifestyle. No one shoe fits everyone

I’m tidy and my friends aren’t, I think the main differences we have are:

• I have more storage in my house; and
• I clean before my house gets messy, I know that sounds weird but it’s so much easier! I have two cleaning days a week (Tues & Fri). And I great these like exercising, don’t really want to do it but it has to be done to stay on top of things! I get it done on a morning before work and I have an order I do my jobs in, with a clear list, so it doesn’t take me too long - but it means my house never really gets messy

You can't just keep acquiring new stuff like the new furniture and not get rid of the old. If you can't sell it in a reasonable amount of time, get rid of it. Your home is not a storage site or a junkyard. You have an old sofa and 3 prams and a bike in your entry? How many prams do you need?

It sounds like you've got too much stuff and the way to deal with that is declutter. Put stuff away when you come in.

You can't always recycle things to other people. You can't always sell your stuff in a reasonable amount of time. So stop feeling guilty if you have to toss something.

I was about to post the same thing … except yarn: I will never have enough storage for my stash! 🧶

Declutter! Start following instagram pages that inspire you to live more minimalist.
The more you own, the more you have to clean. Start with a room a month. Be strict with yourself for getting rid of stuff you don’t need. If you don’t use it then take it to the charity shop someone else will enjoy it.
I only have 1 child, and I designed his wardrobes from IKEA, with storage for his toys in mind. Triple wardrobe with shelves I was able to put toys in boxes. Then hang clothes also.
Whilst you have more children, I’m sure you probably have enough toys from the older one that your younger ones could you. Your biggest problem with be people gifting to your children. You need to make gentle suggestions to family and friends for Christmas/ birthdays. My son loves cosy PJs for example so my mum will get them for Christmas for him. Less budget to spend on toys. Or he had a switch one year and I asked grandparents to buy games for it. For friends all agree not to buy each other’s kids toys, and go on a big day out together.
Declutter, get rid of furniture that creates mess, start habits young with children.

Do you have enough storage space op? And does everything (I mean EVERYTHING) have a set storage spot? If not, you’re never going to get your house tidy as you’ll just be moving stuff to and fro trying to find a spot for it. If storage is an issue you need to either buy extra storage (cupboards, boxes, whatever is needed) or get rid of stuff. Probably both.

Get rid of half of your things. At least.
make sure every item has a home and that it goes back there
have a policy to touch things once (pick up the post, file it, action it or bin it)
every evening you have a twenty minute reset

be disciplined, get into a routine and it becomes much, much easier.

if something doesn’t have a home you find it a home, with things that do the same sort of purpose or what they go with.

have your mantra “don’t put it down, put it away”.

but declutter, ask yourself if you can live without it, if you can’t find a home for something you have to make choices about what you keep.

I have an interview question I intend to ask if I ever consider letting someone else move in with me.

It's "how often should tidying be done?"

It's a trick question. The correct response is that tidying should never need to be done, as no-one should have created a mess in the first place.

We are tidy people but it doesn’t really take a lot of time. Kids are late teens now so their mess is confined to their rooms but when they were young we had storage shelves and units in open plan kitchen/diner. The key things are lots of storage, regular declutters/ebay sales/charity shop loads and not buying to much in the first place.

Our house is very tidy. And clean!

It does take work and planning though.

Everything needs a home.

Declutter as I go and also do a few sort outs a year, maybe 1 room or cupboard at a time.

Lots of storage solutions. We have storage beds, storage footstools, and baskets for kids toys behind doors and in corners.

Be strategic so you don't get overwhelmed. For example, washing comes off line. I fold it, put it on the stairs, take it up next time I go up. I then sort it out when my bath is running in the evening. I do do random jobs when I see them as well but I'm in a good routine of slotting things in when I have a moment.

I don't do anything once my bath is run in the evenings. Neither does my husband. We have 2-3 hours of switch off time every night.

Untidy clutter and dirty are two very different things. I dont mind clutter but the house must be clean.

Perhaps a cleaner would be your best bet, once you have done a proper declutter?

I work 50+ hours a week usually, DH also works full time. I dont sit down until the place is clean at night.
Bags, bikes, lunch boxes, clothes, all dealt with at the time and put away.
We dont have a cleaner and I never sit down with a do it later attitude as its pointless. It wont get done.

I really struggled when my children were young. I'm nearly sixty and I can still descend into chaos if I get overwhelmed with life.

I'm on a Daily Project thread in Chat- I started the current one but I'm not responsible for the original idea. You're welcome to join us!

I posted a link only yesterday of the sort of blog I find helpful. It's here:

https://nosidebar.com/a-clutter-free-home/