To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I struggle with this too. We've been renovating for a few years too so there's tools /decorating stuff everywhere on top of the usual family crap. We both WFH so we're always in making more mess. The only time it's tidy is when someone is coming to visit us and I'll crazy blitz clean. I promise myself I'll keep it that way, then ends up messy in no time. I do think the only way is to be constantly tidying/cleaning.

I. Do it as I go along. Make lunch, put kids down for nap (well not now as they’re adults). Come down, stuff in dishwasher, high chair wipes down, pans washed and put away, hob wiped, toys chucked in baskets and food picked up from floor. Then sit down. After dinner the same while they watched CBeebies.

Dp laughs at my morning routine even now. Get up dressed, bed made and cushions and blanket on bed. Downstairs, coffee on, dishwasher emptied and put away. Washing in drier or hung out. Before leaving house, all breakfast stuff in dishwasher, cushions plumped etc. nobody is allowed to eat anywhere but the table and we don’t have food upstairs which helps

I can’t live in chaos. I’m naturally very tidy and everything has to have a place.

you are putting it the wrong way.

My kids have a much happier childhood because they don't have a stressed-out mum, there's no drama because half the PE kit is missing when they should be leaving for school, we dont' waste time to find missing keys, or missing essentials.

I don't care what people do or how they live, but I like a tidy home, my kids know where their stuff is, what's the problem?

I could ask how can anyone be happy when they are getting in panic mode because a friend is dropping something in 10mn, or when they can't find their car keys.

I used to be like that

My answer was tidy as I go along, less stuff, and if you can… a playroom where all the kids stuff lives.

Once the kids were in bed DH and I would do 10 minutes tidying, in tandem, before we were allowed to sit on the sofa for evening telly.

Don’t be too purist about recycling and getting stuff out of your house in the right way - eg selling, donating, freecycling to avoid landfill. I find this takes longer and involved “good intentions piles” hanging around - it’s a hindrance to being clean and tidy. Try not to feel guilty about it and try to buy less stuff.

I don’t have much motivation to clean but if I don’t clean I get really down. I can’t rest if my house is untidy, or I can but all I think about is what needs to be done. So I’ve had to make sure I’m very hot on cleaning, I also think that having storage and a place for everything helps.

One of my relatives has an immaculate home but she is constantly tidying or cooking or cleaning. That's all she does tbh

Therein lies your problem

Not being snarky but you have to do it there and then

Tools decorating stuff go back in the garage/shed every time

Maybe they have a cleaner? My friends with spotless apartments have cleaners at least twice a month

Were you tidy and contribute to the chores?

I do think the only way is to be constantly tidying/cleaning.

put it away, not put it down. It takes exactly the same time to throw something on a chair or putting it in a cupboard.

The difference is that you will waste time later to put the stuff back in the cupboard, while mine will already be in there.

I go to bed in a tidy home, which means the only thing to do in the morning is emptying the dishwasher, so dirty stuff goes straight in it. It saves me so much time to be tidy, but that's just me. I don't judge people, I just don't let my kids make a mess.

cleaners generally clean and clean only, it's owners who tidy up.

Forget selling anything.
Getting the stuff out of the house is far more important that recouping a few quid.

If an item is eventually going to landfill, that is where it is going, that is its destiny, so make peace with that. You could give it away, then the next person just puts it in landfill. So you may as well bin it yourself - it makes no difference.

If it is really good condition, way too good to bin, it can go to charity:
have a 'charity bag' always on the go - a plastic bag in the bottom of a wardrobe. If you find yourself holding something that you no long need, put it in the bag.

Same. I remember the health visitor calling in to see my new son (in the 80s) and as she left she said “you might want to drop your standards”. I didn’t. No harm came to him. Bizarre.

Put away not down
Never leave a room empty handed

You have too much stuff probably. I never “try on” clothes unless I’ve bought them online and am seeing if they fit. I decide what to wear and put it on.

Tidy people are organised and have good systems, so it doesn’t take long to tidy at all. It just a matter of tidying as you move through the day. Have a designated space or spot for everything. Say, a designated space for shoes, even if it’s just a basket on the ball floor - chuck shoes into info in when you come in through the door - job done. Hang coats up straight away after coming in - again, job done. Keep ‘stuff’ to a minimum. Lots of toys - store some of them away and rotate. Encourage your children, no matter their age, to put away a toy before getting another out - obviously toddlers won’t do this but you can involve them in a 5 minute tidy up before bed. Wash dishes and wipe down table and surfaces immediately after a meal. Adopt a policy with children of no food eaten except at kitchen/dining table. Before going to bed at night, spend 5 minutes or less tidying living room and kitchen. Same in morning with bedrooms.

Tidy people don’t actually spent lots of time tidying because there’s never a major tidy up to do, it’s just done on an as you go along basis with everything taking seconds iykwim.

I have small kids and I'm tidy. The house isn't tidy all day but it is after they've gone to bed. Combination of:

1. feel stressed if the house isn't tidy so prioritise it above other stuff. Not necessarily a good thing, often tidy over e.g. playing with my kids
2. immediately get rid of stuff we don't need so e.g. the sofa thing wouldn't happen. Id put it on freecycle for free before it was cluttering up the house. Ruthless about decluttering kids toys and clothes
3. lots of built in storage so everything has a home
4. spend between 10 minutes -1 hour a day tidying in evenings depending how much mess there is.
5. stuff like the clothes - I just don't do this. I hang it up and if I really can't be bothered I shove it in the side of the wardrobe which is open drawers so it can't be seen.
6. my husband is also tidy so I'm not in it on my own.

It doesn't make me a better or worse person I just really can't function with it any way. Also live in London and the house is small so there's no escape from it by just e.g. closing the playground or utility room door! I think if the house was bigger I would care less.

I have a "something comes in so something goes out" rule which I try hard to stick to. i live in a tiny house so even a few things left lying around makes it look untidy so I do a quick swoop every day. I loathe housework with a passion but find liitle and often is more bearable than full on less frequent clean ups

You're putting stuff away, not managing aid convoys in Mogadishu, FFS.

Do you have ADHD?

Some people are naturally 'low energy', but it seems it might be more than this in your case.
How is your health? It would be worth getting checked out (thyroid, iron, etc.)

How often during the day do you need to "have a sit down"?
A reasonable amount might be 20-30 mins after lunch or whilst they nap, and an hour or max two hours before bed whilst scrolling or watching TV..
If you have to sit down multiple times a day, plus whenever you get home from being out, and all evening, then something is wrong.

There's a difference between unhygienic and dirt v clutter. Sorry but not wiping highchairs down straightaway that's had food on is gross.
Few piles of clothes that need putting away is just untidy.

My downstairs is pretty tidy and clean majority of the time, as is the bathroom. Laundry kept up to date.Bedrooms prone to clutter. I've just spent an hour tidying drawers and putting stuff on vinted and into a charity pile.

1 touch method works for me. Also I'll go through phases of just tidying 1 drawer a day in kitchen for example.

We have a wide rope basket each that’s for those annoying clothes you don’t want to put back in the cupboard but aren’t dirty enough for the linen basket.

I’m a huge fan of pretty rope/woven baskets in general. Any clutter can quickly be swept into a basket - on the floor, hanging on a hook, they look nice!