To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I actually think you're doing the right thing to take a break in the day when you can. Young kids can be exhausting. I would rather get my energy up to be fit for the afternoon adventures and focus on the cleaning at another point. After bedtime, so it's clean to start your day with, or if you have the luxury of someone taking the kids out for an hour.
But things like cleaning the highchair, car seat etc. is best to do as you go otherwise it mounts up along with all the other stuff.

I did wonder this reading your posts, but whether or not that's the case, there is no shame in prioritising rest. Having small children is mentally and physically exhausting. We are so primed by our cultural set up to think that if we arent somehow being productive then we are useless/ shameful/ lazy when actually I expect your life is pretty full on and your body is telling you what you need.

With ADHD I think the focus is quite often on younger people which is what threw me off - ADHD tends to be worst during puberty, probably because teenagers are already totally emotionally dysregulated and short-term focused. But as the delay in executive functioning "catches up" (doesn't ever reach average adult levels, but hits an average ~20yo level) by about age 30, it can feel like life gets easier, although some (esp women) find that as life responsibilities increase, it gets harder to manage to keep up with these, which is one reason why so many women seek diagnosis in their 30s/40s. But certainly in later life it could become an issue again.

This is interesting. I've recently decided to become one of these people. Im a SAHP with 2 young kids. I've tried to 'put away as I go' so there's no huge clean up to do at the end of the day.

And yes, I rarely sit down, but we eat together I also get the kitchen/ food cleaned up before they go to bed, so there's no hire end of the day clear up.

I've been following 'broken windows theory' so trying to keep everything up a standard. Let's see if it sticks. Hard work though!!

Fun fact, I rarely sit down AND my house is still messy. But then again I am a single parent to an AuDHD 7 year old who doesn't let me sleep more than 4h, is also renovating the only house I could afford for us, did my PGCE this year & completed my BEng last year. If people can't see past that, then they're not my people. If I had a second parent, a house that wasn't falling down and wasn't spending 30 hours a week studying and teaching, then maybe my house would be better. You have to decide what your priorities are and then find your people. If you need to sit down more than you need a tidy home, then the stepford mums are not your people. Sorry but you can't have it both ways. You can't clean your couch AND loaf on it.

On a serious note, do you think you might have ADHD? Messy house, needing a sit down regularly (because you need the dopamine), procrastinating?

My problem is my house is too small for our stuff. We're an active family and have lots of trainers and outdoor wear. No porch, hallway, garage or loft to store the surplus in.
The trainers have long since overflowed the shoe rack and there's no space for another. But I can't just have five pairs of trainers as I need them for work, running, etc. I do try and keep them straight but it's a losing battle.

You’re not even just talking about tidiness, you’re talking about not attending to filth - dirty high chair , unwashed prams etc - ugh!

sounds like you need to do a little less sitting down and a bit more bringing things to conclusion eg wipe down high chair straight after meal, empty nappy bag immediately on return, put clothes away

I’m tidy - I don’t put things off

A practical tip; I used to keep the pushchair in the car, to stop from cluttering the house. Your car boot is a wonderful place to put occasional clutter. Like wellies and outdoor gear. Stops them cluttering up the hall and you just pop them on the kids when you get to where you need them. Same with beach stuff or, when they get older, balance bike. Then it's there for when you go to the park. I also utilise lift space as much as possible for stuff only occasionally required, like tools (when you're not mid-renovation like I currently am) or these things that you "hate to throw out". As for trying to sell things, I had the same issue, growing up poor. Even though I still live very modestly, I've learned to just give away things while they're still in decent condition, before they get broken or dirty from being in the way and getting other stuff dumped on them. You never get the time to photograph and list things, because the room needs to be clean before you can photograph and then you have to clean up the item, and the kids need to not be around etc. Then if you did list them, would you even have time for the admin answering stupid questions from buyers who CBA to read the description? Nope. Donate it. They can collect, you preserve your mental health and you feel good for the generosity.

We don't have a car! My daughter's car seat lives in the hallway under the coat rack for the times we need to hire one. I actually didn't mind that - it's against the wall, not blocking anything and looks like it's "belongs" so I don't count it as clutter. The sand toys on the other hand do annoy me. They are also in a bag in the corridor and I just move the bag constantly to hoover! We live in a flat otherwise I'd make them stay in the garden.

'The house looks great! But I would be LYING THROUGH MY TEETH if I said I’m not tidying all day long to keep it that way.'

But that's not tidying all day - it's tidying for a few minutes a few times a day when you're finished your breakfast, when you get up from the sofa, when you take your shoes and jacket off.

Me neither. And if I noticed the dog had an accident it wouldn’t stop me putting coats on the pegs or hallway cupboard, before I dealt with the mess. In this scenario the children need to put their own coats away - as my daughter was taught in nursery to keep her peg and basket tidy- not just at home. My husband is also an adult human who can help with keeping the house tidy. In this scenario I just wouldn’t make the same choices as the person in the story as the mess would annoy me and I don’t want to give myself more work later.

I never thought that people would find me so fascinating 😁

My child can't put her coat away because she can't reach. She hands it to me and asks me to hang it up. She takes off her own shoes - sometimes they end up on the shoe rack, sometimes in the vague vicinity. We're working on it. If she's carrying her toy she'll just abandon it anywhere. Coats I would hang up immediately, but if I'm carrying post, random letters from nursery, pictures/crafts she's brought home with her I'll put them on the table to deal with later.

It is not a criticism I am saying how I would deal with the story you mentioned. Can you put some kiddie steps so she can reach the coat hook, mention the shoes are not on the shoe rack to her when she does this? I hate the random nonsense you get from nursey and schools- I always deal with it there and then otherwise it would get out of control- just taking that few mins when you get home might be useful for you. Or do it whilst the water boils for diner etc- as it will probably get worse as you daughter gets older and there is more stuff and clubs to organise- things like selling sport socks for her sport teams etc. I like a tidy house like some of the PP so I would not sit down in the evening until these things were done.

The thing is, you and all the other very tidy people are looking at it from the point of view of your home.

Your home is tidy and organised and you have systems in place for dealing with items quickly and efficiently. Point 0, if you will.

Those who arent naturally tidy, dont have those systems, those drawers with space ready to accept new things that you've brought home, or neat and tidy wardrobes and toy boxes to just pop toys away neatly when finished.

They have to get to that point on top of tidying as they go along.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I tidy as I go mostly and my children are older now. But i have a small house and I childmind from home so it can qucikly descend in to crisis if something goes off plan.

I get that but I assume people are asking on this thread as they are either unhappy with messy houses or want to see from that tidy perspective. I am just saying what I do. And if my house was in chaos- I would take a week off work and declutter and blitz it- but not everyone would I understand that.

I agree. Parents often think young toddlers and children can’t do things for themselves. But they do it at nursery and at school. Yes, family life can be hectic, but small changes to your home encourage independence. My son puts his shoes in the shoe cubbies in our entranceway and his coat on his own hook which we mounted lower than ours for him. He has a step stool in the kitchen to put his dishes in the sink and likes to help wash up.

If you give children too much that they can’t cope with, they obviously won’t cope. I think too many toys is definitely overwhelming for children. Not only can’t they tidy them up at the end of the day or before heading out in the morning, they often can’t even play easily with them as it’s just so overwhelming.

A clear tidy home encourages children to clear up after themselves. Our systems are so obvious and the house so clear of clutter that my child naturally does things to help tidy. If he ever forgot to tuck his shoes away, or dropped his coat down somewhere, a quick “shoes away” or “your coat”, are enough to nudge him.

We all need to relax and be scruffy in our own homes. School and work are different. But if your home is clear of clutter then keeping it tidy is easy and inevitable. For children and adults alike.

Oh no. The perils of living in London (my sis lives in Tottenham). If she moved here (Newcastle), she could afford an absolute mansion. I got a 100m2, 2 bed terrace for £80k, that cost £10k (and lots of hard work from me) to do up (almost finished and ready to sell for £20-30k profit). Kallax from ikea is a lifesaver for storage, especially the pegboard door cupboard inserts that you can attach additional storage stuff on the outside of.

Put them in the bottom of your wardrobe, an under bed storage drawer or an over door hanging shoe storage on tne back of your bedroom door.

one pair of shoes per person downstairs, everything else away.

Get a second row of pegs at her height, we did this in our downstairs cupboard until the kids were tall enough to reach. Now their bags go on bottom pegs and coats on top pegs.

I can't have muddy and wet trainers and coats in my room. I'd have mould 🤢.

rinse them and dry them first. I do that no matter where they go tbh.

Once they are dry? Stuff the trainers with newspaper and use a car cleaning cloth to dry off the outsides and they’ll soon be dry and put away. Also, they aren’t constantly wet and muddy, we’ve had weeks of dry weather? I get that you wouldn’t want to put things away until they’ve dried, but all the non-wet and muddy things can be put away. Do you have an airing cupboard or somewhere that could speed up drying?

They are drying. Downstairs. In wet weather there's a rotation of trainers for work and running.
Over my dead body are my running trainers, especially trails, going in my room. Shoes off household.

No airing cupboard. It's a tiny house.