MIL bathing habits

[Bitesize89]

My in laws come to stay with us pretty frequently and I've noticed over time that mil never bathes when she comes. She can be here 3-4 days without a shower or bath. It recently was revealed that she only ever uses baths and no soap in her bath. This came up after she bagged my DD and didn't use any soap on her and she said well there was bubble bath in the water, I was shocked as I don't think that's a proper way to bathe and she said when she bathes she doesn't use soap and only bubble bath. So not only does she not bathe for days on and but when she bathes she just has a bubble bath and no soap.im really grossed out.

Oh we can't possibly stereotype nations or be ageist. Yet somehow is perfectly fine to be abliest with sweeping generalisations that everyone who doesn't bath or shower every day is filthy and stinks. Some people with disabilities can't bath or shower every day and have to wash in other ways. Are they 'vile, grim and disgusting'? Can you smell them? Or does the BO only linger around people who can bath and shower every day but choose not to?

We always use Matey bubble bath when bathing, it gets you nice and clean and it cleans the bath too. There is no need for a separate soap.

We tend to shower more often than we need to these days. Although personally I wouldn’t leave it more than an extra day, maybe she feels like she doesn’t need to shower daily, perhaps it affects her skin, or she wants to save water. She comes from a generation that only took baths once or twice a week.

I don’t think it’s ableist to say that if you can shower everyday you should be, both for your own sake and for the sake of everyone around you.

Are you using the same hand? So you have 3 flannels?

For what it’s worth, when my son was neutropenic we were told to buy him separate flannels and towels (I bought orange for too half, grey for bottom).

There was no assumption from his doctors that this was necessary for a person with a functioning immune system.

I do shower rather than flannel wash but surely the obvious routine would be face, then vulva, then arse, then new flannel next day.

I do have a muslin face cloth though that I definitely do not use on my arse.

Showing daily really IS a modern development. It's not necessary, but since showers have become a facility in most houses, and most of us have access to hot water whenever we want it, many of us use and enjoy having that option.

But people like my MIL never did have a shower fitted in the home that she'd lived in for 50 years, and she continued the habit that she'd grown up with, of once twice a week baths and basin washes every day.

I only had a proper shower (as opposed to a shower that's part of the bath tap arrangement) fitted ten years ago. I use it probably three times a week, because the daily shower isn't something built in to my habits. Also it's an over bath one, so now I'm heading for my 70s, they're probably going to be a time when it's hard to access.

Thank you, Cathandkin, It's coming up three years since my hip op. I had very severe osteoarthritis including partial subluxation and it had got to the point where I could barely walk and was on painkillers at night as otherwise I could not sleep through the pain.

I'm fully mobile now but I do continue to use some safety aids in the bathroom. I also use a gardening stool with push up handles when kneeling outside or doing stuff in the house that requires kneeling. I no longer use a cane and can pretty much do anything I could do before the hip became so bad.

But who decided once a day? What about the twice a day showerers? Won’t someone think of them?

What if you don’t have anyone around you?

’Maintaining a good standard or personal hygiene’ is not the same as showering once a day.

I agree

I can and do shower twice a day - usually when on holiday. But if that’s what you need to keep yourself clean then fine.

again, it’s thirty degrees or more across most of the country today. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that you either shower in the morning or evening! That’s just called being clean.

I bathe twice a year with just puddle water and have never washed my hair, I regularly get compliments on how very fragrant I am.

She’s hardly going to stink after 4 days.

Bubble bath is soap - it’s made with exactly the same ingredients. Shampoo also works as bubble bath and soap - it’s all the same shit, branded as something else. Obviously oils are added and other products to make it more luxurious but the base is the same.

Old people don’t need to wash as much. They don’t have the same levels of hormones and sweat and grease as younger people do. We smell because of all of the above hence the need for regular bathing. Hopefully she flannel washes and regularly washes her hands and face and brushes her teeth.

4 days is quite a long time but she might wash more regularly in her own space at home.

I would and I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t.

I agree. I am fresh out of the shower myself.

You shower twice a day when you, personally feel you need to, physically or emotionally.

But that implies that it might not be necessary when it’s 10°.

You make a judgement call on that.

It’s still necessary to shower everyday ffs! You’re out and about in public, you get dirty, and need a wash.

Actually some days I’m not.

Also, when I am out in public, I have clothes on my body which keep me quite clean.

As ever, there's a frightening number of grubby people on this thread.

My MIL only ever bathed once or twice a week 'because she never got sweaty' so believed that was sufficient. She was also adamant she never smelled 'because someone would say something.'

In reality, yes she often did smell quite a bit. A grim conconction of stale biscuits and unclean hair. It lingered on her clothes and soft furnishings.

But obviously people were too polite to tell her the truth, so she continued on in her blissfully, grubby existence.

My daughter has eczema. We were told not to bath her every day when she was small.

Why? Because in your opinion not doing so makes you not nice for others to be around because of your smell? How is this different for a person who CAN'T shower every day? The reasons for not showering don't dictate the smell. So it follows that all people who can't shower every day smell, in your opinion. That's not going to be great for a disabled person who can't shower every day to hear, and as it's not actually based in anything factual, it can perpetuate false stereotypes about disabled people.

As others have said, there's nothing wrong with a bath using just bubble bath. I will sometimes squirt shower gel into the start of a bath and it bubbles up just the same as bubble bath does, they're basically the same ingredients.

However going 3 or 4 days without a wash is not normal for anyone I know. If mil has any mobility issues I would worry that she feels unable to have a shower or bath in op's home. If not it is a bit gross.

But we don’t know she hasn’t washed. Just that she hasn’t showered.

But you wash all the bits that matter in between showers if you don't shower every day.

So why not just have a shower ffs. Cleaning yourself with a rag and the sink is just as bad. I stand by what I say. You should be showering at least once a day

I’m quite a bit less than 90, thanks and it certainly did apply in the 50s, 60s, and very likely still in much of the 70s for many people who still didn’t have central heating or modern systems for heating plenty of water quickly.

There were 6 of us in a nice, 4 bed house, we weren’t poor, but there was one bathroom (bath only) and a solid fuel boiler for water heating. There would never have been enough hot water for all of us to have a bath every day.

Dh’s family/family home was the same, except that their house was bigger.