Husband has extreme right wing views

[HelpMeUnderstandPolitics]

Not sure if this is the right place to post as it's not an AIBU but more of I think my husband is being and I'm not sure what to do about it.

He's getting caught up in some quite extreme right wing views in regards to migrants. Complains about how they're coming in, being housed in hotels, paid allowances etc. with no checks and how crime rates such as rape are now ten fold etc. He thinks Trump is great 😪 He's very intelligent so I'm not sure how he's managed to get caught up in this extremist view point.

WWYD?

I mean, he won't, because fortunately we're extremely well aligned in terms of our opinions on Trump and the far right. However, if we did have significantly opposing views, he'd be welcome to kick me out. I don't think it's unreasonable to no longer wish to share space and be married to someone who has such fundamentally opposing views to you. My opinion, you do as you wish!

The numbers of asylum seekers in hotels goes down.

They get granted leave to stay then go into social housing, in some areas at a priority. Then we rely on the local councils to find the resources to look after them. At least they have to join the usual queues for the NHS rather than getting private healthcare in the hotels. Yes this is true in some areas - it’s been in the news.

"they're coming in, being housed in hotels, paid allowances etc. with no checks and how crime rates such as rape are now ten fold etc"
ok; I agree with him being concerned about all of that, but not sure where the statistics of rape come from in your comment. Personally, I do not thing a single, unchecked person (more so a male) should be entering this country illegally. Can you imagine rocking up to the USA or any country you've visited on holiday and them letting you blag your way past border force with whatever story you have been told to coungure up? Many of these people have all paid vast sums of 5k or more, to be trafficked to the UK. They are NOT asylum seekers, for which anybody would have sympathy for, they are economic ILLEGAL migrants, and unless you spend some time watching various news outlets (no idea what you DO watch, but I listen to all sides of the 'argument', I don't think I would class your husband as 'right wing' without knowing the political and economic implications of what he's maybe trying to articulate. The MSM (BBC/ITV etc) omit anything that the people may get 'upset' about. Try Talk Radio/TV, LBC, GB News, then you get a balance of the truth. Personally Talk Radio are the only ones to have journalists, who have the balls not to pander to worry about being cancelled and are telling the truth about what is actually going on. They recently had an undercover hotel worker film what life was like in the 'hotels'. It was canny. Lovely rooms, one had a four poster pad, there was drugs paraphanaelia on the dresser, and so these illegal immigrants, were well happy with their British entry. Why should the rest of us support this through out tax? There are enough people of our own ethnicity who need our help right now, and all those who have come through the system legally and fairly. I may be classed as 'right wing', to say I resent this, as do many others where I live. I work with the public day in, day out, in an ABC1 demographic area; so not where the 'social unrest' will take place, and believe you me, people have had enough. We need compassion, yes, but also as a sovereign state, to put our indigenous population first. Love or loathe Trump, his rhetoric is what his ''people' want to hear from their leader. I'm no supporter of this narcissistic unintelligent President, but the one thing he has got right, is to make his citizens feel safe in that their borders will be protected, and he will put them first.

He’s not far right, he’s just right.

So you admit to ‘not being clued up’ about politics but disagree with his? I find it weird that you can disagree with someone’s viewpoint but not have an opinion of your own.

FWIW I don’t think his views are extreme or even particularly far right. A lot of what he states is fact.

So you fully support ID cards for UK, finally!
Have you told Farage he needs to change that on his manifesto?

Genuine question:

If your life partner converted to Islam and started to express extreme fundamentalist views about how society should be run, would you be happy to stay in the relationship?

I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to share my life with someone whose morals and values were so fundamentally incompatible with my own.

For me, expressing far right views falls into exactly the same category. I get that you might not share that perspective, but I'm interested to know if there are some views that might lead you to conclude that a relationship was no longer tenable?

Or would you stay with your partner no matter what?

No, I haven’t. Will send him a message just now.

I really hope (even if they don't admit it on here ) that some of these people encouraging this woman to divorce her husband and break up her children's home can reflect on what they've written and realise how extreme their views are.

I am centre (I will no doubt be accused of being right wing by the more extreme left ) but I am firmly centre. What I've read tonight has really made me think twice at people purporting to be left wing and just how extremist their views have become.

Where on earth is the tolerance and compassion for difference !? You can't only tolerate one way ? Surely ?

But a divorce? they have children !!! It's serious stuff. Some of the posters on here are metaphorically carrying burning torches and bullying this poster into ending her marriage and guilt tripping her into believing her children are doomed if she doesn't. All for the sake of virtue signalling. Come on , this has gone too far.. surely ??

Excellent. Could have solved quite a lot of things pre-Brexit if his side hadn't been so prickly about it beforehand - arguably wouldn't have had this situation at all in fact, like all the other countries which adopted ID cards decades ago...

Oh can you only help people by having them sleep in your house?

I guess I need to stop donating to homeless charities as I have never given my living room floor to a homeless person to speak to.

Exactly.

Everyone has limits, some may be the same but some will likely be very different.

I wouldn't stay with DH if he started doing drugs
I wouldn't stay with DH if he cheated
I wouldn't stay with DH if he declared Trump to be 'great' and started ranting about immigration

I didn't sign up to any of that when I got married.

This.

I think a lot of people would take in a woman and children.

I wouldn't take in any unknown male, from anywhere in the world.

How long have you been on Mumsnet Squished?

So there are literally no opinions that your partner could ever adopt that might make you think the relationship was no longer tenable?

Changing to Islam from Christianity would be the biggest u turn on an extreme scale . I don't think that's a fair comparison - do you ? At least give a fair comparable?

Please don't break up your family over this OP. The politics of immigration and social issues aren't "culture war bullshit" but are serious issues. The previous several governments all increased immigration massively, and successively lowered the "bar" for entry via all the different routes, and the current government doesn't have a plan to address it. There also genuinely has been more reporting, via FOIA requests and on-the-ground reporting forcing the state to be more transparent about things like crime rates etc.

My point is he's not being "mindlessly radicalised over nothing".

With that said, even if something is true and horrible, it still might not be good to be exposed to it over and over. I saw something on X the other day about how some of the Rotherham victims were raped next to a WWI war memorial - can you imagine what this does especially to a male brain if you see this kind of content over and over? You as a man could be sent to die, your grandfathers died so that foreign men could rape their granddaughters on their graves - try to empathise with this, deeply, because it's something that is probably deeply, deeply upsetting to him and he is trying to share how it makes him feel. We are often good at recognising pain expressed as tears but not when it's expressed as anger.

Something I would suggest is literally be the person who encourages him to "touch grass". It will help both him and your family if you go for a walk, see friends, be part of a volunteer/sports/church/neighbourhood community, basically help him to see that his England is still here and he has a way to keep building it up.

Also, counter-intuitive but don't stop him from talking with you or non-right-wing friends in real life about it because you're embarrassed - it's good for him to see a range of views and not just an echo-chamber. You can always redirect conversation to the aforementioned volunteering, sports, church etc if it gets too much!

But we are taking them in, in vast numbers. I guess there’s nothing to worry about though?

I think people who oppose asylum seekers oppose them full stop.

That’s it, keep being obtuse.

The bottom line is that you wouldn’t let someone who you knew fuck all about enter your space. A totally normal and reasonable view to hold, because you want to protect your property, possessions and family.

Though it’s ok for these same people to enter the wider society because this overarching presumption of innocence takes precedence over the genuine concerns about their history/background? What should we do, give them all a pass because they’re probably not bad?

Remarkably, nobody with the bleeding heart views that every illegal entrant is seeking genuine asylum would put their money where their mouth is and stick them in their spare room.

People are asking what views are perceived as extreme right-wing. Here's some examples that would fit. Especially when combined:

• Rioting outside asylum hotels, but also supporting this behaviour.

• supporting a number of Trump's policies. Examples include, but not limited to sending in the National Guard to force mass deportations. Locking up children / splitting them from families as part of immigration crack downs. The assault on women's bodily autonomy. The attack on Harvard because they did not go exactly what Trump demanded. Banning books.

• supporting Farage, who supports all of the above and regularly skirts the line between what is legal and not.

• thinking the world is flat and vaccines cause autism.

• supporting Andrew Tate.

What is not extreme, and I do not think mist people would consider extreme:

• having different opinions on the rates of taxation in the UK.

• having different opinions on the balance between punishment and support for redemption in the criminal system (prison sentences as an example)

• having different views on acceptable levels if immigration and how to manage immigration policy.

It is an absolutely fair comparison for me.

It would represent a massive u-turn on an extreme scale and the complete rejection of the shared morals that have formed the basis of our relationship to date.

Do you think it would be unreasonable to leave someone in that scenario?

Opinions are .... Opinions. Actions are different.

My DH has some views on certain things where I think 🤨. Sometimes I'll give him a counter argument. Sometimes I'll just Google and let him have his little stage in our little kitchen , let him get it all out, but I'm not actually listening to a word of it. Then I'll ask where he wants to go today. Move it on.

The only time views are dangerous are when they are extreme. The word 'extreme' has lost all meaning. Whether we all like this or not : supporting Trump and being against immigration, may be distasteful in many people's eyes, but it's not extreme.

"Women shouldn't be allowed to work " (that's extreme)

"Britain should be whites only " (that's extreme)

And if someone held the above views , I'm quite sure their character would be one that wouldn't be conducive to the op being in a happy marriage in the first place.

true but you can't GET HIM OFF social media
he is his own person

I think we know what the answer to that would be….

Funnily I had a friend who has this exact issue. They were both secular muslims.

Had a child together. He became more extreme in his practice of Islam. She felt it made the relationship untenable and left him, which according to MN makes her a terrible mother.

(They are both happily remarried, are friends and he moved overseas.)