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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister went nuts over a cup of coffee

509 replies

CrashBambiCoot · 24/08/2025 14:19

my sister visits my house around 3 times a week. Every time she comes she takes the piss out of my coffee calling it “half a cup of coffee” etc

She last visited Friday where I made her a coffee and she snapped “oh come on, fill it up for fucks sake” saying I’d only half filled the mug (I hadn’t).

This morning she turns up. I make coffee, as I was taking it into the living room she looks into the mugs and screams “half a cup of coffee”. I snap back “I don’t fill it to the top so it doesn’t get spilled! Nobody fills coffee right to the top” so she started dancing around me acting crazy shouting “ooo don’t spill it” etc before suddenly lunging at me and shouting in my face - coffee got spilt.

Now I’ve said I’m not making her coffee anymore. That’s it. Sick of the piss taking and ranting and raving. DH witnessed all this and basically joined in with her. She’s 42, DH is 50.

its not normal to fill coffee right to the top is it??? And the hysterics is certainly not normal is it?

OP posts:
Sadworld23 · 25/08/2025 23:27

Sandinyourshoes · 25/08/2025 22:06

I have a problem with full mugs of tea & coffee. Long ago, before mugs, there were cups & saucers. Now I have a little tray with kitchen roll squares for carrying mugs from kitchen to the living room.

Me too, on fact I have a load of them. Act as coasters too when the need arises..

Anyahyacinth · 25/08/2025 23:33

CrashBambiCoot · 24/08/2025 14:19

my sister visits my house around 3 times a week. Every time she comes she takes the piss out of my coffee calling it “half a cup of coffee” etc

She last visited Friday where I made her a coffee and she snapped “oh come on, fill it up for fucks sake” saying I’d only half filled the mug (I hadn’t).

This morning she turns up. I make coffee, as I was taking it into the living room she looks into the mugs and screams “half a cup of coffee”. I snap back “I don’t fill it to the top so it doesn’t get spilled! Nobody fills coffee right to the top” so she started dancing around me acting crazy shouting “ooo don’t spill it” etc before suddenly lunging at me and shouting in my face - coffee got spilt.

Now I’ve said I’m not making her coffee anymore. That’s it. Sick of the piss taking and ranting and raving. DH witnessed all this and basically joined in with her. She’s 42, DH is 50.

its not normal to fill coffee right to the top is it??? And the hysterics is certainly not normal is it?

She's your guest...she gets whats she's given, appallingly rude behaviour...husband sounds disloyal too

MumWifeOther · 25/08/2025 23:34

She sounds unhinged and I probably wokld have thrown the coffee in her face.

MsMiniver · 25/08/2025 23:35

My sister once said “is there a drought?” to me when I made her a not full enough cup of tea in about 1993. This was the ideal combination of passive aggressive and humorous that seems to get things done in our family. I’ve never made anyone a not full enough beverage since.

Anyahyacinth · 25/08/2025 23:36

therealduchess · 25/08/2025 22:38

I was thinking along similar lines.
OP, is it possible that your sister & husband have snapped over a building resentment? I have a friend with OCD & her sister won't visit her at home because she once spilt a glass of water and my friend went nuts about it!

Edited
Show quote history

Depends who's doing the tidying up doesn't it?

HevenlyMeS · 25/08/2025 23:39

Yes I'm confused why too
God Bless Her
Seems like bullyish behaviour
Gosh if one of my family members only 1/2 fills my cup, I just politely request if I can add some more water please
Because it's just unique preferences & I'm told "'Yes of course, go ahead"' or even kindly offer to add some more water themselves
I completely comprehend no one is trying to deprive me & they know there's enough water in the kettle to suit all of our preferences
Mutual respect
I'm praying they both see the light & apologise
I'm shocked original commenter's husband joined in, ganging up
So unkind😢
You deserve much better original commenter
God Bless You
💚🕯️💚

Messycoo · 26/08/2025 00:08

Tell her to fk off and make it herself !

Ladamesansmerci · 26/08/2025 00:11

She's unhinged. The coffee thing isn't relevant. She is a guest in your home, who you are kindly getting a drink for, and she's being rude af.

ChilliChoco · 26/08/2025 00:32

People- Op has not replied to one post since she posted. I wonder why...

H0210zero · 26/08/2025 01:08

CrashBambiCoot · 24/08/2025 14:19

my sister visits my house around 3 times a week. Every time she comes she takes the piss out of my coffee calling it “half a cup of coffee” etc

She last visited Friday where I made her a coffee and she snapped “oh come on, fill it up for fucks sake” saying I’d only half filled the mug (I hadn’t).

This morning she turns up. I make coffee, as I was taking it into the living room she looks into the mugs and screams “half a cup of coffee”. I snap back “I don’t fill it to the top so it doesn’t get spilled! Nobody fills coffee right to the top” so she started dancing around me acting crazy shouting “ooo don’t spill it” etc before suddenly lunging at me and shouting in my face - coffee got spilt.

Now I’ve said I’m not making her coffee anymore. That’s it. Sick of the piss taking and ranting and raving. DH witnessed all this and basically joined in with her. She’s 42, DH is 50.

its not normal to fill coffee right to the top is it??? And the hysterics is certainly not normal is it?

My family sometimes call my serving "A funeral cup" because I don't fill it all the way. But a little banter is one thing what your describing is hysterical. She wouldn't get back in my house if she acted like that.

Magpie50 · 26/08/2025 01:21

Siblings can be right twats sometimes.
Just tell her to either make her own or bring round a supersized mug.

MrJoeBangles · 26/08/2025 05:20

@XDownwiththissortofthingX 'Nothing worse'. Really? 'Nothing???

Muffinmam · 26/08/2025 06:11

There’s nothing worse, is there?? Nothing else compares to a cup of coffee that is not filled to the brim? 🙄

MrPickles73 · 26/08/2025 06:29

She sounds unhinged

Bagwyllydiart · 26/08/2025 07:09

That would be the last time she ever set foot in my house.

CasperGutman · 26/08/2025 07:20

I like a strong black coffee, like an Italian caffè lungo, so only half fill the mug usually. If be happy to make a guest a longer coffee like an Americano - but not if they were being a dick about it!

A sibling of mine who behaved like the OP's sister wouldn't be visiting my home for a while. If and when I did allow them back, they'd be making their own coffee and I'd insist they carry it around on a tray, pointedly reminding them they have form for spilling it.

Braygirlnow · 26/08/2025 07:45

If my sister complained more than once about how I made the coffee then every time she came I'd say "if you want a coffee help yourself". She is obviously bat shit crazy, but for your husband to then join in! That's awful op.

WatermelonGatorJerky · 26/08/2025 08:36

I really couldn’t give a shit how my coffee comes, or even if I get a coffee or not. I have bigger things to worry about. This is a very strange reaction to me.

Habibihk87 · 26/08/2025 08:53

Why is someone reacting they way over coffee. However someone serves you a drink they should be grateful. The cheek of it. And your husband joining in is not helping. Where’s the unity in that? Both need to grow up. Tell her she apologies or she doesn’t come back.

Trishyb10 · 26/08/2025 08:54

She,s ill or ignorant spoilt, if someone gave me a coffee i,d be grateful,is she jealous of you and wanting to pick? my sociopath bruv every time he came had to find fault with my whole life even when i was doing fine… keep her at arms length and discuss with hubby how wrong her behaviour is, stay strong, remember he who laughs last laughs longest girl x

Bernardo1 · 26/08/2025 08:54

Can you not say "you're welcome to a 2nd even 3rd cup" ?

I'd also have yr husband make the coffee, when she's present. Require him to clear up any spills.

DeeKitch · 26/08/2025 09:48

Correct gap

Sister went nuts over a cup of coffee
Soberinthecity · 26/08/2025 09:54

Smartiepants79 · 24/08/2025 14:30

I read these things on mumsnet sometimes and I just can’t really believe they’re real.
Whose sister actually repeatedly visits and is rude and unkind to them over how they make the coffee? And who allows it to happen more than twice without telling that sister to stop, make their own coffee or leave?
The whole thing is farcical and sounds like you’re both about 7 years old.

💯 these are getting more and more ridiculous. How do people honestly get through life 😂

Hopingtobeaparent · 26/08/2025 10:06

WhereIsMyJumper · 24/08/2025 14:45

I don’t think it makes a blind bit of difference if you’re right about not filling the coffee to the top or not. What does matter is your sister treating you like shit in your own house after you’ve just made her a drink and your DH joining in…

@CrashBambiCoot This, OP. Their behaviour is unacceptable regardless to how much you fill the mug.

I generally do about 1-1.5cm from the top, more if there is a mobility issue for them.

Yes, I’ve sometimes gently ribbed someone for it being low by my standards, needing a step ladder, sometimes I remind them not to leave room for milk (as I don’t have milk and people are creatures of habit), but ultimately one should accept it with gratitude, if you’re really fussed, get up and top it up with a bit more water yourself!

I’d suggest OP, that you take a step back and look at the family you have, I suspect this sort of behaviour is not really new and that you’ve unintentionally allowed quite a lot of this in the past.

Develop your boundaries, learn how to assert yourself, and please don’t tolerate this sort of shitty behaviour from your sister again, in all honesty, I’d be tempted to go no contact, and certainly not from your husband!! He certainly needs a firm conversation, however, sadly, I suspect you may have one a bit like your sister. What you choose to do with that realisation is up to you.

Either way, they went too far. That was not ok. Know your worth.

Lavenderblue11 · 26/08/2025 10:12

How desperate is she for coffee? Ffs, as others have said, she could have a second cup if she 'needed' one. This sounds like she's using this as an excuse to have a go at you. As for your husband being in cahoots with her, that's odd behaviour too, they're nothing going on between them is there?