Husband has got extreme views

[UnsureDifferences]

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

Just came to say thanks for all who have commented. There are lots of different views and opnions on the thread now and I need to take time to read and digest them.
It has certainly helped me to see that there are other ways to look at the issue than me just getting very annoyed and wanting to leave and that some of you would leave and some of you wouldnt. That my opinion might not be right either.
There is no danger to myself or children but thanks for all your concerns, he is actually a very kind and usually intelligent man, which is why it is so hard to understand why he is going down this road.
Ill read all your comments in detail and have to really think about it all.

This. It's all the manifestation of fear, anxiety and need for control.

It would personally be a deal-breaker for me. I couldn't date someone with vastly opposing political views. I also couldn't date someone religious. And, unfortunately, I couldn't tolerate dating someone who has been drawn into believing the earth is flat or that the world is ran by a Satanic child eating cabal.

I do think most people who are sucked into this shit have other things going on e.g. mental health, a lack of community, adverse childhood experiences etc. I have a lot of empathy for people who get drawn into something which is almost akin to a cult, and I'd have no issue supporting people and hearing them out, I just couldn't date one of them.

Yes, exactly right.

The COVID conspiracies are a perfect example and really showed that human behaviour has not changed that much in many hundreds of years.

If, instead of a random and brutal pandemic, Covid was the result of someone acting with agency, even if with utterly malign intent, then the whole thing could be stopped. If it was really a WEF hoax to impose control over our movements via vaccine passports, or a cashless society or , microchips in your veins, whatever madness was doing the rounds, then as soon as everyone found them out and refused to comply the whole thing would just go away.

However scary all that is, for some people it is clearly less frightening than the terrifying reality that we can have little control over natural events such as pandemics. The irony if course being that they reject the verge things that offer some control mechanisms as part of the conspiracy

@JHound why do you think it's worse?!

This ^^.

FWIW my FIL developed some extreme political views. The onset of Alzheimers came not long after and we ade reflecting on this now.

In a lot of ways it is similar to joining a cult. Whether I could stay or not would depends on a lot of different things: was he trying to covert me, was he going deeper and deeper or there were some signs of rational thought, how extreme he was, how insulting he is with my differing opinion, are there financial implications …

I would find it very hard to respect these views and that might make the relationship not work.

@CoolNoMore I agree with your summary but why do you think the unwillingness to accept that we live in a chaotic world lead to people thinking there are bad guys controlling everything. Is it a stress response? Why some of us feel - it's a chaotic world but we must try to navigate it as best we can. And is there a danger that we can be too accepting and sometimes there are things that can be changed if we protest etc.... Am thinking about the post war years and the creation of NHS.

I'd be sitting him down and telling him honestly that you are worried about him and his views are becoming steadily more unhinged. He can choose to re-engage with reality and possibly talk to the GP about the mental health issues that have brought him to this point or to lose you. I couldn't be with someone like this.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh my days! That is a research paper to discuss way of using immigration to support declining populations of indigenous people.

Most nations' socio-economic model relies on there being a minimum level of economically-active inhabitants to ensure that old people's pensions can be paid, that there is a big enough internal market to support the existence of manufacturing and trade. Some countries have declining populations and the UN is, quite responsibly, looking at what will happen if population numbers in a state become too small to sustain its existence. Japan, for example has had a declining population for some years now and people are worried about what the future will look like.

One solution would be to encourage a higher birth rate. Another would be to encourage immigration. Neither of these show any desire to 'get rid' of the indigenous population. On the contrary, they want to support it. The alternative would be moving the dwindling numbers out and leaving a vast wildlife park in its wake (which has its attractions!)

During covid I had a conversation with a woman who was an anti-vaxer. She told me, as she smoked a succession of roll-ups, that she didn't want to put anything in her body that wasn't sufficiently tested.

Never play chess with a pigeon

You can of course have different political and world views, even wildly different views and dstill be in a successful relationship.

However for me, respect is absolutely key. Without it I could not stay with someone and believing the earth is flat crosses that line for me. I just can't respect that, it is laughable if it wasn't so sad. Unless he is seriously mentally ill and suffering from hallucinations and delusions or has some sort of brain injury, I just wouldn't be able to put up with it.

All my respect would go.

Sure people have differing views but I just couldn’t be married to a complete moron

I am in a similar position, he doesn’t believe earth is flat etc but getting more and more extreme about immigration, saying he wants to March, protest, cause chaos etc. He’s always been anti police but now says awful things, when driving and passing cameras or police cars he puts his hand up like a gun (as in shooting them) even in front of our 10yr old. The older he gets (50’s now) the worse it’s getting!

As to people saying that believing the world is flat is like a religious belief or a belief in God. It really is not. Science and satellite imagery have absolutely proved without doubt the earth is not flat. There is no 'belief' needed.

In religion most people accept there is no proof one way or another. The whole point of most religions is that they are about faith in certain ideas not about certainty, and the action of choosing to accept that faith says something about you.

It is in no way the same as saying the earth is flat. That is more like saying you believe that breatharians actually exist ( people who live on air and don't need food or water to live )

This thread has been an interesting read and I hope you're able to find something within to help you move forward, OP, whatever direction that takes.

I've been reading as my ExH is very much as OP describes her H. In his case, I think it is very much a stress response to Covid - and as a result of his decades of weed smoking. My two DC are struggling with it significantly as he does not hold back and will rant at them. My DD (16) is losing respect for him and my DS (13) just sees him as stupid but harmless. But I don't think it is harmless.

DD has persuaded him not to air his views around her (he was even going on when she was on video chats with her friends which caused her so much pain and embarrassment) but it has definitely opened her eyes to his flaws.

They don't spend much time there really, 6 nights a month - so they smile, nod and come home but I still worry as he has become unfiltered in a way that isn't appropriate. He has a good support system around him - his DP is a good woman and his DM is very involved - but even 6 nights of exposure is eroding the love my DC have for him.

I would really consider this, OP - it's bad for you but it is genuinely tragic for your DC as he absolutely will start to spout his views to them. You need to think really carefully about the whole situation!

Just out of interest, do the people you work with know you're atheist?

It's not a big secret that governments lie to citizens, or that media is untrustworthy. It's not really surprising consiracy theories get traction.

That aside, I'd probably be inclined to say 'I'm not interested' whenever he brings up his views which should shut down the conversation quickly.

I wonder what he imagines a world without the police would be like.

I remember the much-respected Benjamin Zephaniah arguing that society would be better off disbanding the police and letting the community deal with crime. While I understood his distrust of the police, I'm not sure the days before the police were better for anyone, with mob lynching, witch trials, stonings etc

They're not perfect but they're the best we've got

What forms of media does he consume and who does he mix with? This is predominantly where I see it coming from.

I went round DMs and logged onto her Telegraph online subscription. I had to log out. I said it's no wonder you are worrying and so anxious about the state of the world if this is what you are consuming every day.

Same with my Dad - he realised and has stopped reading news websites now. He just reads the papers (a selection) once a week.

It won't be long until we talk about people who believe in the sky fairy the way we talk about people who believe the earth is flat. It makes no sense that the creator who cares enough to answer your prays but didn't care enough not to create leukemia in babies.

Yes!!

The Great Replacement theory absolutely is an anti-semetic trope.

The way I see it is that society is a box with ladders, you pass go and climb the ladders. Some of us become aware that it is a box we are living in and there is a space outside the box. Some of us then choose to still stay inside the box and we are happy. Some of us start to smash the box - that way lies madness as you cannot.

The thing is to just be aware that it is a box. The foolish thing is to think you are special for seeing the box or to try and ruin the box for everyone else.

The people who believe in bible stories do it inconsistently and selectively. The bible is much more keen on stoning people to death for almost anything. At least people who think the world is flat do so consistently.

I'm not sure the flat earthers have ever started a war to expand their faith.

I'm giggling at what the lessons must look like! "Don't believe any of this crap" (tosses books aside). Now let's read some Isaac Asimov 🌞

Also I don’t necessarily think it is extreme to oppose mass immigration and rapid demographic change.

But going on marches to hurl abuse at and terrorise those seeking refuge and waiting for their claims to be assessed would be my line in the standard.