Husband has got extreme views

[UnsureDifferences]

Name change on this to protect myself and family.
So my DH has over the past few years got more and more what I would call extreme views. He is into conspiracy theories, it started off by watching a few videos and being curious and now he full thinks that the illuminati are out to enslave us and talks about the earth being flat, which he is not sure about but goes on about it.
He is also fearful of immigration and is saying he will go on the marches and that we are being take over and that we need to be prepared.
I am an easy going educated person who leans slightly left and believes in science.
This is really getting me down as I am not sure I can be with him anymore if this is who he is now.
Aibu to leave him for having these different views. Or is it managable to continue on.
One part of me thinks it is similar to two people of different faiths being married, is this possible? Has anyone had a good relationship with someone with opposite political or religious views to them?
Any ideas as to what to do here.
Everything else is fine in our relationship

Succinct, but true!

The issue here might be less about 'beliefs' but more about zealotry. No one wants to listen to someone bang on and on about the same (tedious), rigidly-held beliefs, nor be constantly patronised, nor be told on an ongoing basis that Mr 'Enlightened' is right about everything whilst they are wrong.

Upthread there are very reasonable posts about why someone would hold a religious belief. Those who quietly go about their practice and hold it as something intrinsic to them, not the subject of continual moral lectures, would be someone I could very easily live with. I fully respect the fact that since time immemorial humans have resisted the idea that we are nothing more than organic bodies - some need their spirituality in order to live, and this is perfectly undertstandable. But dinging in my ear on a daily basis the belief that I'm an evil, unrepentent sinner who is going to hell? No, thanks.

Likewise the batshit conspiracy theories (yes, they are). I'm talking here about 'the earth is flat, and if you believe otherwise then some tiny electronic flies have crawled into your earhole whilst your asleep and reprogrammed your brain). The cynic in me might well believe there's a set of less-than-orchestrated strategies to send people down these rabbit holes, so that when a 'real' (probably far less fantastical and more banal) one does happen - ie the received story of some tragic event not being the real truth of the situation. - it can be easily written off as just another bonkers conspiracy theory. (Cf. Jeffrey Epstein as opposed to Elvis, Jim Morrison, and Diana). I could much more easily accept that than the 'fact' that we're all living in a Matrix or that the earth is flat.

What you've described, OP, sounds like zealotry and possibly a symptom of a mental health crisis. It would be exhausting to live with this BS on a daily basis; I suspect I couldn't. Only you know if you can.

Agree.

When someone is basically so stupid then time with them is up.

You just outed yourself as also a bit thick if you don't understand that it isn't logically possible to categorically state they are wrong about the existence of God (said as an atheist).

Agree 100%.

There's a big difference between having political views at opposite ends of the spectrum and being radicalised by conspiracy theories. The difference is whether people have acquired these views by a rational process or not.

For example, a person could have right wing anti immigration views but be able to rationalise how the hold these views (abhorrent as they may be) without having to believe the weather is flat, or Covid was a hoax or that the Protocols of the Elders of Zion is a genuine thing.

Therein lies the difference, these unfortunate people, once they believe one conspiracy (Labour is deliberately importing illegals to replace the white population) it's almost as if they must believe all of them.

We have a family member who is a conspiracist also, including some very right wing views about Muslims and Tommy Robinson being “misunderstood”.

The problem is twofold really. One, that these views are abhorrent to me (I can just about tolerate this by refusing to listen to her nonsense). Two, that she feels the need to preach at me and try and convince me I have it all wrong, that Muslims are inherently bad, vaccines are nefarious ways to control us, I’m blind to the evidence she shoves in my face, I am brainwashed by the media…..on and on she goes. It’s so sanctimonious and very unwelcome.

I know she’s trying to do me a kindness, as she wants me to awaken and see the light, but she doesn’t seem to understand that she is the brainwashed one. She has all these articles ready on her phone and spends all her free time researching these things so she can drown your arguments out with “evidence”. Of course I don’t have a plethora of counter evidence to hand so I end up being beaten into submission and saying ok fine, we will have to agree to disagree.

It’s the second part of the problem which is the issue. Less so the views, which are awful in themselves, more the need to convince everyone she meets. She manages to turn every conversation to this topic somehow. I’m done with it. I either ensure I’m out/busy when she visits or I do as the rest of the family do and just shut her down with a point blank refusal to talk about it. I don’t think I could be married to someone who held these views as I would have no respect for them. If they repeatedly tried to engage me/convert me that would certainly be the end.

😂

I find it interesting that a lot of people think religious beliefs are ok. I am not religious but have quite a few friends who are (Muslim and Christian) and I find their religious views mystifying. I also have a friend who is very much a believer in conspiracy theories similar to OP and honestly I don't see much difference. I am able to continue to be friends with them and in some areas we have deep connection.

I enjoy listening to Neil Degrasse Tyson (astrophysicist) who a little while back did a podcast on - are we living in a simulation - with Oxford theorist Nick Bostrom. I found it fascinating and intriguing and I think when I am bored listening to stuff like this excites me and I ponder the whole thing but ultimately I am unconvinced. The journey is a thrill though. I do think a lot of religion and conspiracy theories give people something to cling to cos they are unfulfilled.

I read somewhere once that some people thought the Bible was written by people who had been on a Magic Mushroom trip. Now that is a conspiracy theory I find interesting.

I'm going with MH crisis of some sort or there have been signs that's he's hard of thinking for ages that you've ignored. I couldn't live with someone who thought the Earth was flat or the moon landing fake. That's just beyond the pale, I'd lose complete respect for them.

The Bible was written by dozens of different people over about 1500 years. They had different agendas and different purposes in writing. The mushroom thing is related to John of Patmos who wrote Revelations which about visions of the future / afterlife. There's some theories that Patmos had hallucinogenic mushrooms on it. The extend to which it is historical depends on faith, which bit you're talking about (wildly different if Old or New Testament for a start) and the process of transmission..though people overstate that...the whole "Chinese whispers" thing doesn't apply. Texts from 1000 years apart are identical and the procedures followed even today for transcribing Torah scrolls for instance Indicate extreme care.

I think you can leave for any reason, and most/many people would for this. I would make some kind of clear statement like 'your beliefs and values have changed, they are impacting on me because you discuss them a lot but refuse to engage in reasonable discussion about them. I don't know whether they would have changed anyway or whether you have been through a low point and leant into them for psychological reasons. I can't carry on as things are.' Don't try to talk about the beliefs, but the behaviours that impact you. You are not alone, there is a lot of this about. Bastard online grifting malign influencers.

He sounds a bit thick but I bet he thinks he’s really clever and it’s everyone else that’s dim!

This isn't like a run of the mill religious difference, ie one person believes God created the world, one doesn't. It's a difference of one person being a fanatic whose beliefs encourage them to cruelty & dehumanising others. People like this usually only go further down the rabbit hole, and depending on the kind of person they are it can lead to some bad places. I would run.

Being concerned about mass immigration isn’t an ‘extreme view’. It’s perfectly rational. Anyone who raises concerns is now dismissed as extreme. I actually saw someone who wanted to deport a convicted rapist described as ‘far-right’!! People who think that makes you far-right are the real lunatics.

Cherry picking the Bible is like saying "I think what God meant to say is..."

If you don't believe in creation, the garden of Eden and the whole thing with the snake and Eve's sin, then where did original sin come from? What was the point of Christ and redemption, if you don't believe that sin happened as described in the Bible? It's some mental gymnastics bending all that to fit into a modern scientific context.

They may not like that the UK is more diverse than 50 years ago, but going on marches and shouting racial slurs and intimidating slogans outside asylum hotels and immigration centres aren't acceptable things to do.

It is hopeless I'm afraid, this happened to an ex of mine and I started off thinking oh well different politics/opinions we can still tolerate and respect our differences but it was impossible. It was very embarrassing when he would talk about this sort of stuff in front of friends and I became isolated, people who didn't know me that well assumed I was also some sort of fascist/weirdo/conspiracy theorist, over 3 years he became more entrenched in it all and would get extremely angry with me for not agreeing with these views, think the great replacement, qanon sort of stuff. He eventually became extremely demented and dangerous. Because I didn't agree that the Muslims were coming to rape us all he pulled at the steering wheel while I was driving nearly killing us in a car accident, then punched me in the face. Just get out now before you are isolated completely, honestly people will totally be distancing themselves from you as well as him but won't say so to your face. There is no hope.

The trouble with framing it as ‘mental illness’ is that even if it is the person concerned will never admit that or get any help so it gets you no further forward. My friend thinks her DH must be mentally ill as he has changed so much and this did happen after some bereavements and difficult stuff plus Covid but it doesn’t help her as he will not agree to meds or therapy. She now feels she ought not to leave him because ‘in sickness and in health’

I follow “Lalaletmeexplain” on Insta and she says this is the #1 type of message she gets from women - their partners being radicalised into the alt/far- right. My friend experience the same with her ex (luckily unmarried.)

I hope your husband sees sense.

This man is talking about going on ‘the marches’. Which at the moment means descending on accommodation and intimidating the human beings inside. With some prepared to set fire to buildings with people inside.

Opinions about social and political issues are one thing. Behaviour directly targeting and threatening migrants themselves is another.

That's not remotely what happens. The Bible is simply not one homogenous text. The process of inclusion happened in the 2/3rd century by perfectly fallible human bishops, who may or may not have been guided by the holy spirit. There are a million ways of looking at the Fall as a metaphor for humanity's failure to live up to what we're capable of in different ways. Again, I'm an atheist but have a theology degree and teach RS to A level. It's simply too complex to say the Bible IS one thing or another.

Having views: fine.
Boring on about those views to you: not fine.
Trying to convert you/the DC to those views: not fine.
Acting in weird ways that negatively affect your day-to-day life: not fine.

It doesn't matter what his pet subject is if he's being boring.

Therein lies the difference, these unfortunate people, once they believe one conspiracy (Labour is deliberately importing illegals to replace the white population) it's almost as if they must believe all of them.

Ah yes, replacement migration, the conspiracy theory so outlandish that the United Nations actually produced a whole document on how to do it: www.un.org/development/desa/pd/sites/www.un.org.development.desa.pd/files/unpd-egm_200010_un_2001_replacementmigration.pdf

I think believing the earth is flat and the moon landings fake is absolutely worse that believing in
bible stories.

Dear God.

If you think there is a deliberate plot to replace yt people in Europe you are an idiot.

I think the problem is twofold. One is that he holds extreme believes, but if you could just agree to disagree and not talk about it, then it might bearable.

But, not only does he hold these believes, he is trying to shove them down your throat as well. I would not be able to accept that part.