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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby - MIL - XL Bully

303 replies

Koala98 · 23/08/2025 14:03

MIL has an XL Bully at her house, AIBU to say baby can never visit while the dog is on the property even if shut in a different room or garden?

OP posts:
Kindling1970 · 23/08/2025 21:14

mentallyilltotallychill · 23/08/2025 19:47

I only voted YABU because i think it depends on the dog and owner. Is she responsible? What have your interactions with the dog been like?. how long has she had it? Was it post ban? if so why did she get a banned breed because that feels a bit red flag. Does she understand how powerful those dogs are? Does she minimise that? Most importantly, if shut the dog out would you trust her to keep the dog shut out? End of the day she can always come to yours to see the baby without the dog if she wants to see the baby and if she wont the she is being unreasonable.

Personally, i never had any dogs in the room if i was visiting with my baby because any dog can just “switch”. any dog around a small child can lead to all sorts. I also still have a mild fear of all dogs though and I get nervy around any dog i dont “know”. Also i have never owned dogs.

a good friend has an XL bully (since before the ban) goes out muzzled kept on a short lead all that. Honestly one of the best dogs Ive met hes so gentle and gets scared of the hoover and butterflies, he doesn’t even bark at the door. Great recall, goes to their crate when just told to, stays in one room when friend is getting the door and so calm. Wont get on the sofa with out a command etc. wed go to hers (even now my sons older she still gets it) and said she will put him on a lead, in the kitchen or crate him however best i felt comfortable visiting when with my kid so shes put him in the kitchen back door open and kitchen door still shut with a baby gate (she had the gate so if the dog got too muddy in the garden he wouldn’t traipse it through the house) dog just chilled out wouldn’t even know she had the dog when we were there. Id go into the kitchen stepping over the gate, dog would barely react if at all.

another friend, lab cross type, very “scatty”. Always running round the house barking jumping up on anyone, all over the furnitures, runs out the door any given chance, shed have to bolt out trying to get the dog back, no recall or following basic commands. Shed had the dog 5 years by then and still just says “oh hes being friendly! Hes excited!” We went for a walk once, her dog ran to a leashed dog, other dog owner said “call your dog back mine’s reactive” she had to grab her dog away. Went over once just to get some stuff asked her “oh im bringing my son can you put the dog away for the 10mins we will be there” and she said its not necessary hes friendly. Dog bounded out knocked my son over and was all over him, and “i was over reacting” pulling the dog off. He was 3. Long before covid so there was no reason for poor socialisation.

can name more way more incidents of other dogs like that. Like when my son got bit when he was in his buggy by an off lead terrier owner just “oh he just wanted your sons ball”

based on that for me, id rather the baby in my friends house with the xl and the controls in place, despite the breed (crated or whatever because like i said for me dogs and small children visiting dont go, unless the dogs socialised with children and if its that families dog even then never leave a kid alone with the dog etc).

but yeh only voted yabu because care needs to be taken with all dogs and babies/children. If youd be the same with any larger breed / bully breed (cane corsos being in the news recently, when i was growing up it was Rottweilers) then id get it purely because any attack could be more severe in a shorter amount of time with stronger breeds. that reply was very long but the post lacked context and wanted to provide clarity for my vote.

Aware im probably being bias because the one of (if not the best) behaved dogs
ive ever known was an xl bully.

but if you feel shes irresponsible, wont respect your boundaries, minimises the understood impact a dog like that could have, or pulls the “hes friendly never an issue”card, or the dog is a danger / would cause issue then trust your instinct and say no:)💖

There is story after story after story of XL bullies being incredibly calm in nature suddenly turning and killing someone. It is in their DNA to suddenly be aggressive and turn without warning, nothing to do with who their owner is. I’m sorry but you are an incredibly irresponsible parent for letting your child be around an XL. If they want to attack, a muzzle and leash won’t stop them. I don’t like judging other parents but I judge you hard here.

TheGander · 23/08/2025 22:06

I feel uncomfortable with the justification of XL bullies some people do, as if to prove a point. The clue is in the name. Plus the bundle of muscles with a huge jaw attached look, plus the well documented cases of them flipping and tearing people to shreds. What more do you need? For goodness sake keep your child away and potentially prevent a tragedy OP.

fatphalange · 23/08/2025 22:06

mentallyilltotallychill · 23/08/2025 19:47

I only voted YABU because i think it depends on the dog and owner. Is she responsible? What have your interactions with the dog been like?. how long has she had it? Was it post ban? if so why did she get a banned breed because that feels a bit red flag. Does she understand how powerful those dogs are? Does she minimise that? Most importantly, if shut the dog out would you trust her to keep the dog shut out? End of the day she can always come to yours to see the baby without the dog if she wants to see the baby and if she wont the she is being unreasonable.

Personally, i never had any dogs in the room if i was visiting with my baby because any dog can just “switch”. any dog around a small child can lead to all sorts. I also still have a mild fear of all dogs though and I get nervy around any dog i dont “know”. Also i have never owned dogs.

a good friend has an XL bully (since before the ban) goes out muzzled kept on a short lead all that. Honestly one of the best dogs Ive met hes so gentle and gets scared of the hoover and butterflies, he doesn’t even bark at the door. Great recall, goes to their crate when just told to, stays in one room when friend is getting the door and so calm. Wont get on the sofa with out a command etc. wed go to hers (even now my sons older she still gets it) and said she will put him on a lead, in the kitchen or crate him however best i felt comfortable visiting when with my kid so shes put him in the kitchen back door open and kitchen door still shut with a baby gate (she had the gate so if the dog got too muddy in the garden he wouldn’t traipse it through the house) dog just chilled out wouldn’t even know she had the dog when we were there. Id go into the kitchen stepping over the gate, dog would barely react if at all.

another friend, lab cross type, very “scatty”. Always running round the house barking jumping up on anyone, all over the furnitures, runs out the door any given chance, shed have to bolt out trying to get the dog back, no recall or following basic commands. Shed had the dog 5 years by then and still just says “oh hes being friendly! Hes excited!” We went for a walk once, her dog ran to a leashed dog, other dog owner said “call your dog back mine’s reactive” she had to grab her dog away. Went over once just to get some stuff asked her “oh im bringing my son can you put the dog away for the 10mins we will be there” and she said its not necessary hes friendly. Dog bounded out knocked my son over and was all over him, and “i was over reacting” pulling the dog off. He was 3. Long before covid so there was no reason for poor socialisation.

can name more way more incidents of other dogs like that. Like when my son got bit when he was in his buggy by an off lead terrier owner just “oh he just wanted your sons ball”

based on that for me, id rather the baby in my friends house with the xl and the controls in place, despite the breed (crated or whatever because like i said for me dogs and small children visiting dont go, unless the dogs socialised with children and if its that families dog even then never leave a kid alone with the dog etc).

but yeh only voted yabu because care needs to be taken with all dogs and babies/children. If youd be the same with any larger breed / bully breed (cane corsos being in the news recently, when i was growing up it was Rottweilers) then id get it purely because any attack could be more severe in a shorter amount of time with stronger breeds. that reply was very long but the post lacked context and wanted to provide clarity for my vote.

Aware im probably being bias because the one of (if not the best) behaved dogs
ive ever known was an xl bully.

but if you feel shes irresponsible, wont respect your boundaries, minimises the understood impact a dog like that could have, or pulls the “hes friendly never an issue”card, or the dog is a danger / would cause issue then trust your instinct and say no:)💖

You don’t seem to understand the risks of being around an XL dog which presents as calm and easy going. The point you are making by comparing it to the scatty, excitable lab, is stupid. The scatty, excitable lab isn’t going to have your head off, is it. Ffs.

TheGander · 23/08/2025 22:13

And while we are on the subject, what’s with those people who parade around with their XLs ( in in south London) who are neither muzzled nor castrated. The whole look just screams “ drug dealer”.

Mayanatalia · 23/08/2025 22:55

Absolutely not unreasonable, you need to check out the ban pitbulls sub on Reddit to see what these dogs are capable of. They are known to literally tear through doors to kill their target. Don’t let anyone talk you into thinking it’s okay

HangryLikeTheHulk · 23/08/2025 22:56

Might as well say she has a loaded handgun lying around in the living room.

Onleemoi · 23/08/2025 23:02

Or an open fire.

HangryLikeTheHulk · 23/08/2025 23:40

Onleemoi · 23/08/2025 23:02

Or an open fire.

Many people actually do have open fires in their living room.

Mayanatalia · 23/08/2025 23:45

My message wasn’t aimed at the OP btw 😂

Onleemoi · 23/08/2025 23:47

HangryLikeTheHulk · 23/08/2025 23:40

Many people actually do have open fires in their living room.

Awful right? You just never know when one’s going to turn.

Mayanatalia · 23/08/2025 23:50

Overitmum · 23/08/2025 15:52

I own a xl and while she’s great with kids I have boundaries in place for her around them. No unsupervised at all no very young children and when she is around children she’s got her muzzle on and either myself or partner had a firm hold of her leash. She’s got her exempt certificate. I’m having another baby and have started playing baby crying noises around her to get used to the sound but I honestly wouldn’t let my kids around other big breed dogs because I don’t know what training or behaviour they have

Okay, but I think you should have your kids confiscated by the social services

Glitchymn1 · 24/08/2025 06:31

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 23/08/2025 18:57

Ah she’s the token pit apologist I take it.

Ah yes another one. Why can’t you people let posters have a different view point or at least read the bloody posts before commenting. Maybe the part where I say don’t leave a child alone with a dog.
I’ve also not championed the breed. I don’t own the breed.
Just to clarify for you and others. Again.

Violinist64 · 24/08/2025 09:12

Sodastreamin · 23/08/2025 18:03

I'm sick to death of uneducated unqualified people saying "But, but it's the owners, it's the owners!" when DOCTORS of Veterinary Science have proven beyond any comprehensible doubt that this behaviour exists within their DNA! 🙄 Just like Labs make the best Guide Dogs and Collies make the best Sheep dogs.
Dogs have behavioural tendencies within their DNA > this is a proven fact. Proven.

Couldn't agree more. Thirteen years ago, when we were looking into getting our first dog, we had three criterion:

  1. They must be hypoallergenic, ie non-shedding.
  2. They must not take up half the room by themselves.
  3. Most importantly of all: they must come from a breed that is known to have a friendly nature. I had many people, most of whom were children, coming to my house for music lessons and it was imperative that the dog should be non-threatening.

We were led to a Cairn Terrier, the class clown of dogs. He looks like a teddy bear and his tail is permanently ready to wag. He has helped cure many children of a fèar of dogs, a number of whom have gone on to enjoy dogs of their own. Would l allow a very small child or baby to be left unsupervised with him? Of course not. It's potentially too dangerous. He weighs just under 12 kg and some of these XL Bullies cars be 50 kg ÷ of solid muscle. They have killed adults. No way would l let my precious baby - or myself for that matter - anywhere near one.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 24/08/2025 10:13

Glitchymn1 · 24/08/2025 06:31

Ah yes another one. Why can’t you people let posters have a different view point or at least read the bloody posts before commenting. Maybe the part where I say don’t leave a child alone with a dog.
I’ve also not championed the breed. I don’t own the breed.
Just to clarify for you and others. Again.

Edited

Everyone is entitled to an opinion but some are much more stupid than others and championing a breed known to be dangerous, unstoppable and generally unfortunately genetically unstable, and saying that it's okay to have a baby/child around that breed, counts as very stupid. Much like suggesting not putting a baby in a babyseat in a car, or leaving medical tablets lying around near them. Sure you might be alright, but it's asking for trouble.

Edited: you haven't championed the breed, but a couple of posters on the thread have. Neither have addressed the fact that there seems to be an inherent instability in most of the breed coming from one particular dog, that it's near to impossible to tell which ones have escaped that inheritance, and that sheer size means that this unpredictable dog is extremely dangerous if it triggers.

So yes, those count as opinions that are not taking into account facts, previous events, likelihoods and consequences, so yes they are stupid (imo).

aCatCalledFawkes · 24/08/2025 10:16

I wouldn't want my teenagers around one of those dogs let alone a baby.

elliesmummy19 · 24/08/2025 10:19

There’s absolutely no way I’d want my child around this type of dog. I don’t give a fuck who that upsets. There’s a mum at my daughter’s school who keeps hinting about us coming round to play. She has one of these dogs and I know it’s aggressive (she’s told me so). There’s not a chance we’re going near.

“it’s the owner not the dog!” is a load of crap.

HRTQueen · 24/08/2025 10:21

YANBU

and don’t compromise stand your ground as you will be told dog is lovely and gentle, will stay it the garden, never left alone and so on

she is already proving how stupid she is having this dog so don’t trust her and if she wants one of these aggressive extremely strong dogs over having her grandchild coming to hers and providing a a
safe space for her grandchildren that’s her choice

Thegreyhound · 24/08/2025 10:21

Absolutely not under any circumstances. I’m a dog lover but dogs of any breed and young children can be a bad combination and I wouldn’t risk it .
Will your DH back you?

intrepidpanda · 24/08/2025 10:26

I wouldn't allow a child in any home with a dog,

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 24/08/2025 10:36

@Koala98 The question really is, as a PP said - if you refuse for your baby to go there, will your husband take him or her anyway?

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 24/08/2025 10:37

intrepidpanda · 24/08/2025 10:26

I wouldn't allow a child in any home with a dog,

If your children get invited to birthday parties or just round for tea do you ask if the family has a dog?

CrispsinaBowl · 24/08/2025 11:53

I’m sorry but my opinion of anyone who champions these “dogs” couldn’t be lower

I think that goes for the vast majority of us.

ZestyDog · 24/08/2025 12:01

mentallyilltotallychill · 23/08/2025 19:47

I only voted YABU because i think it depends on the dog and owner. Is she responsible? What have your interactions with the dog been like?. how long has she had it? Was it post ban? if so why did she get a banned breed because that feels a bit red flag. Does she understand how powerful those dogs are? Does she minimise that? Most importantly, if shut the dog out would you trust her to keep the dog shut out? End of the day she can always come to yours to see the baby without the dog if she wants to see the baby and if she wont the she is being unreasonable.

Personally, i never had any dogs in the room if i was visiting with my baby because any dog can just “switch”. any dog around a small child can lead to all sorts. I also still have a mild fear of all dogs though and I get nervy around any dog i dont “know”. Also i have never owned dogs.

a good friend has an XL bully (since before the ban) goes out muzzled kept on a short lead all that. Honestly one of the best dogs Ive met hes so gentle and gets scared of the hoover and butterflies, he doesn’t even bark at the door. Great recall, goes to their crate when just told to, stays in one room when friend is getting the door and so calm. Wont get on the sofa with out a command etc. wed go to hers (even now my sons older she still gets it) and said she will put him on a lead, in the kitchen or crate him however best i felt comfortable visiting when with my kid so shes put him in the kitchen back door open and kitchen door still shut with a baby gate (she had the gate so if the dog got too muddy in the garden he wouldn’t traipse it through the house) dog just chilled out wouldn’t even know she had the dog when we were there. Id go into the kitchen stepping over the gate, dog would barely react if at all.

another friend, lab cross type, very “scatty”. Always running round the house barking jumping up on anyone, all over the furnitures, runs out the door any given chance, shed have to bolt out trying to get the dog back, no recall or following basic commands. Shed had the dog 5 years by then and still just says “oh hes being friendly! Hes excited!” We went for a walk once, her dog ran to a leashed dog, other dog owner said “call your dog back mine’s reactive” she had to grab her dog away. Went over once just to get some stuff asked her “oh im bringing my son can you put the dog away for the 10mins we will be there” and she said its not necessary hes friendly. Dog bounded out knocked my son over and was all over him, and “i was over reacting” pulling the dog off. He was 3. Long before covid so there was no reason for poor socialisation.

can name more way more incidents of other dogs like that. Like when my son got bit when he was in his buggy by an off lead terrier owner just “oh he just wanted your sons ball”

based on that for me, id rather the baby in my friends house with the xl and the controls in place, despite the breed (crated or whatever because like i said for me dogs and small children visiting dont go, unless the dogs socialised with children and if its that families dog even then never leave a kid alone with the dog etc).

but yeh only voted yabu because care needs to be taken with all dogs and babies/children. If youd be the same with any larger breed / bully breed (cane corsos being in the news recently, when i was growing up it was Rottweilers) then id get it purely because any attack could be more severe in a shorter amount of time with stronger breeds. that reply was very long but the post lacked context and wanted to provide clarity for my vote.

Aware im probably being bias because the one of (if not the best) behaved dogs
ive ever known was an xl bully.

but if you feel shes irresponsible, wont respect your boundaries, minimises the understood impact a dog like that could have, or pulls the “hes friendly never an issue”card, or the dog is a danger / would cause issue then trust your instinct and say no:)💖

Now I'll ask you to read the link I put in my previous post.
For disclosure I know the woman who owned that dog.
It was well trained. She's got videos on her facebook showing her training it. She came across as knowledgeable with the breed, and responsible. The dog was always described as soft and friendly. Until it wasn't. It nearly killed her sister.

I am aware that any dog can suddenly become aggressive, but given the size of these things and the damage they can do to a fully grown adult, there's no way I'd want any child of mine to be near one.

CrispsinaBowl · 24/08/2025 12:04

If your children get invited to birthday parties or just round for tea do you ask if the family has a dog?

I absolutely did. Dd didn't want to be around dogs.

Zodiacrobat · 24/08/2025 12:34

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