To not go to this low key children's party?

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

So you got labeled snobby judgey and rude in the first post and it’s been one post after another affirming how awful you are for criticizing a party.
i agree op it’s very low effort. I would not drive 45 min for that party I would not pay to park to sit in a field. The mum seems unimaginative to me because there are many simple games you can research and organize to facilitate a feeling of a special day and celebrating the birthday child. No need for high end entertainment but most parties aren’t “go play kids” . There is a culture around parties irregardless of the age or event which is little something more a little more special day
simple food ? Bought food? Sure but how about some fruit some chocolate milk some cut up carrots and vegetables to round it out?
only a few invites? All the more reason to do a little extra because there aren’t many to “do” for.
don’t go don’t feel bad about not going or the time of this thread and save your oetrol and time for something your dc will enjoy

I hated and was absolutely useless at organising my kids' birthday parties, and when they did go okay it was more by luck than judgement. So I'm not criticising your not very close friend's efforts but all the same I wouldn't go. It might be different if your kids were all regular playmates, or if you had reason to feel you ought to be supportive of her, but as it is - no. Unless you maybe want to make a picnic of it on your own family's account and just swoop by the party incidentally.

45 minutes is too far and a massive ask. I would decline on that before any other reason. Sounds like a day out rather than a party and so boring for a 45 minute journey.

Totally agree with you OP. We went to a 5yo's birthday party recently where it was on a bit of grass and to play with there was: a paddling pool, a tiny tray of sand and a beanbag throwing game. I tried to ask if we could take some other toys out the birthday person's house. One parent said yes, the other no, birthday child kicked off. That was it. For THREE HOURS! My 1 and 3yo were delighted by each thing as they discovered it, for 5 mins. They do not have a long attention span. Nor does any child of that age and I am bewildered why people seem to be falling over themselves here to claim their kids would be focussed playing for hours with just that. If there had been a playground in sight, well I'm not sure I would've bothered with the inevitable tantrums had I said no and probably just gone to play.

It is rude to leave. But, see my post above, I think the hosts lose the right to make judgements on what's right or not when they fail to provide adequate things to do. I am perfectly capable of entertaining my children for 2 hours on a patch of grass but my goodness it's exhausting, round after round of peekaboo, horse rides, you be the horse now, chase, tickles. Constant effort required on my part. I go to parties so they're entertained without my input!

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. And a dick to be honest. But you already know that. Not sure of the purpose of this post???

I’m totally with you - that’s not a party. It’s a playdate in a park. Which is fine but don’t be calling it a party. We went to a similar one and the whole time my 4 year old kept asking “when was the party going to start”. For a party I expect food, entertainment, games, music etc.

we went to a great park one after Covid. Full on party games (musical statues etc) , picnic provided by hosts who also brought a speaker, blankets and drinks for adults. They set up right next to playground and did games, then all kids went on playground and then did food and cake and more games. Was a fab, well thought out, cheap party.

repeat - a couple of kids in a field is not a party!

‘Struggling for money’ ‘private primary school’

My children are older now but I’m an introvert and over the years, big children’s parties really make me anxious both to host and to attend. The expectation back then was the soft play/magician style parties and there were many. By the time they started school there would be one or two every weekend. I can’t think of anything worse.

To be honest if I had a child who loved the outdoors, maybe has the opportunity to attend a forest school session (lots of nurseries have them!) letting them use their imaginations, then this party sounds ideal. Maybe Mum recognises her child gets totally overwhelmed in a ‘typical party’ environment. Mine would.

Absolutely nothing to do with cost.

But as others have said, it’s also fine to decline it with a polite ‘thanks for the invite but we are unable to make it this time’
Continue to enjoy your meet-ups, and wait for those soft play party invites to roll in in their masses in just a years time.