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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this low key children's party?

133 replies

Dontjumptoconclusions · 23/08/2025 09:20

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

OP posts:
User09835 · 23/08/2025 13:21

Private school parents expecting 'guests' to drive a long distance then pay to attend, even if it is only £5, combined with the minimal 'hosting' as a party, all while expecting nice birthday gifts.

We go to private school and a lot of families are quite frugal which is totally fine. However that doesn't excuse not putting in a minimum level of effort for a day that is genuinely supposed to be special for your child and guests. As mentioned, it costs virtually nothing to pick up a few bits from a discount store as scavenger hunt prizes or party bags. We've been to parties where the mum reads a script for story and leads all the children around different stations where they get small gifts in exchange for completing challenges. This also allows the other parents to sit and chat for bit.

You can also see the effort made through food. Been to parties where everything was not expensive but made with love including homemade cupcakes, wraps, pinwheels, cut fruit etc. Just buying a stack of supermarket sandwiches is a bit lazy and less effort than a day out at the park. Some other obvious ideas for cheap entertainment would be bubbles, chalk, face paints, paper planes, bouncy balls, spinners, play doh etc. All extremely cheap but the parent has to actually make the effort to get them. It sounds like the family here literally can't be bothered so they half-arse a party in order for the child to receive gifts. And surprised how many seem to be defending this as "an absolutely amazing time".

Frenchbluesea · 23/08/2025 13:40

User09835 · 23/08/2025 13:21

Private school parents expecting 'guests' to drive a long distance then pay to attend, even if it is only £5, combined with the minimal 'hosting' as a party, all while expecting nice birthday gifts.

We go to private school and a lot of families are quite frugal which is totally fine. However that doesn't excuse not putting in a minimum level of effort for a day that is genuinely supposed to be special for your child and guests. As mentioned, it costs virtually nothing to pick up a few bits from a discount store as scavenger hunt prizes or party bags. We've been to parties where the mum reads a script for story and leads all the children around different stations where they get small gifts in exchange for completing challenges. This also allows the other parents to sit and chat for bit.

You can also see the effort made through food. Been to parties where everything was not expensive but made with love including homemade cupcakes, wraps, pinwheels, cut fruit etc. Just buying a stack of supermarket sandwiches is a bit lazy and less effort than a day out at the park. Some other obvious ideas for cheap entertainment would be bubbles, chalk, face paints, paper planes, bouncy balls, spinners, play doh etc. All extremely cheap but the parent has to actually make the effort to get them. It sounds like the family here literally can't be bothered so they half-arse a party in order for the child to receive gifts. And surprised how many seem to be defending this as "an absolutely amazing time".

You have absolutely no idea what this parent has on so you can’t possibly know if it’s half-arsed. Also judging love by a homemade pinwheel vs a supermarket sandwich is hilarious

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/08/2025 13:49

Kids want to be entertained, be that an entertainer, a playground - something. Assuming just because they’re outside they’ll be content is rubbish. I wouldn’t travel 45mins for my child to be bored when they can have more fun in a local park.

FitatFifty · 23/08/2025 13:53

DD would love an outside party but it would need to have been in a controlled space. And either a good play park or toys to play with.
45 minutes seems too long a journey though either way.

Cherry346 · 23/08/2025 18:12

Dontjumptoconclusions · 23/08/2025 09:20

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

It is your prerogative not to go but not sure why so much judgement about the party ( which sounds perfectly appropriate for a young child). No wonder parents can feel so stressed organising kids' parties if this is the way other parents think. I'd be grateful for the invitation even if it was just a kick about in the park with very little expenditure (which can actually be the most enjoyable ones!)

Jamandtoastfortea · 23/08/2025 18:12

“Party” is really just another word for treat - it doesn’t have to mean 30 people, decorations and ig worthy outfits! This sounds like a perfect birthday treat for a 3 year old - space to play, kids to play with and a child friendly picnic with cake! Mine would have loved to be invited - and so would I (far nicer than a stuffy soft play on a hot day, when it’s your only day off!) If you can get there and afford the £5, make an afternoon of it - enjoy the fresh air, the workout and your kids having fun. The present can be anything - sticker books, a story book, a T-shirt with a picture he likes etc it doesn’t need to be stressful.

CrispsinaBowl · 23/08/2025 18:32

it doesn’t have to cost £500 and have entertainers

What!? A party in woodland for 3 year olds with no 'additional entertainment'!?

I don't know what the world's coming to, really I don't. 😉

LillyPJ · 23/08/2025 18:57

It sounds like a nice party to me - far better than the ones involving huge expense and organisation in an effort to outdo others. And are you really complaining about 'just cake' and no party bags?! It sounds like you don't really have the right spirit for celebrating a child's birthday so it's probably best if you politely decline.

CherrieTomaties · 23/08/2025 19:00

When I get invited to a party I assume there will be a level of entertainment.

Stop assuming.

Get off your high horse.

Spare this poor woman and her kids from your God awful company.

Toomanywaterbottles · 23/08/2025 19:11

Sounds great for a three-year-old. Who on earth does party bags for that age group?

EH1768 · 23/08/2025 19:15

The host has presumably made it clear that each family pays their own entry. The choice is to go or not to go. If you don’t fancy the party don’t go.
Being snooty about a minimal party bag last year sounds incredibly rude.

popcornandpotatoes · 23/08/2025 19:17

God I wish everyone would agree to no parties bags ever. Useless tat, not wanted or needed. DD is 6 and we've been to lots of parties. The interest in the party bag stuff lasts the drive home and then is left in the car until I lose my shit and throw it away

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/08/2025 19:23

I would ask her if she would like you to bring any additional bats/balls. As the children are all a year older than last year they might be a bit more 'able' to join in parachute games etc. Was she hoping for more attendees last year? You could take your DC to the playground after the party to make the trip more of a day out. However, you can also decline the invitation for any reason.

Cakeandcardio · 23/08/2025 19:26

Mum's can't fucking win. The poor woman is entitled to throw any sort of party she wants for her child. You are not being kind in the way you have worded your snobby post.

BeenzManeenz · 23/08/2025 19:28

Gosh you come across as a joyless snob. What's wrong playing with your kids in the woods? Don't you enjoy being their parent?? What is wrong with a Costco cake?!

Its fine if you don't want to go, not sure why you need a poll to tell you that. Nobody is obliged to do anything. I wouldn't want to hang out with you anyway if I were the other parents.

Just a shame for your DC, who may have enjoyed a day out.

NoThanksNeeded · 23/08/2025 19:28

45 mins isn't really that far for a nice setting. Take them over to the park afterwards and any other stuff on site so it's not just popping over for an hour?

And no party bags isn't low budget.

Freegrass · 23/08/2025 19:31

You can not go to any party you want for any reason you want. Personally I’d go, if available - nice to get an invite and might be better than last time. If not, it’s a couple of hours. To be fair, the first party sound fine - people throw far too much money at kid’s parties.

Zanatdy · 23/08/2025 19:35

My kids once went to a party in a park. Lovely family and both my kids were best friends with their 2 children as in the same class. They also hosted a couple of parties at home, all fine, but they never organised much entertainment and it was anarchy at times. My ex and I had to jump in a few times and start organising some games. The kids still enjoyed it to be fair, but I wouldn’t have wanted to drive 40 mins for it, but would have for their closest friends. Thankfully long out of kids parties now as my youngest is 18 next birthday.

WittyOrca · 23/08/2025 19:35

You're not a snob OP. Please ignore the judgmental comments. It's nice to be invited OFC, but personally, I'd prefer not attending as it sounds like a lot of work for little joy.

Ooodelally · 23/08/2025 19:50

Wow

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 23/08/2025 19:55

YANBU for choosing not to go to a party, being invited is never an obligation.

YABU for complaining about a lack of party bags, providing a gift to a child on their birthday, and a park for being “boring.”

Bambamhoohoo · 23/08/2025 19:57

Of course YANBU to decline a birthday invite- why are you even putting thought into it? It sounds like you just want to bitch about how bad you think the party is

PersephonePomegranate · 23/08/2025 20:00

What? You didn’t get a bag full of plastic shit? The horror! Report to SS immediately!

I'd still expect to parent (or run around) at the toddler party.

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/08/2025 20:03

WingingIt101 · 23/08/2025 09:23

Yanbu to decline any invite but yabu to be so judgy and rude about the party they throw - maybe that’s what her kid wants to do?

This.

EasySqueezy · 23/08/2025 20:05

It’s just a play date really. And a present expected. It sounds minimum effort.