To not go to this low key children's party?

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

Since your post is dripping with judgement, I don't mind sharing that I think it's rather odd and limited if your children don't enjoy a good old picnic and runaround in the great outdoors at their age.

Do you always entertain them? Outdoor imaginative play is so good for them.

You sound very snobby. It sounds like a great party.

I happily say no to things they don’t suit us, so if you don’t want to do the party, that’s totally fine.

But as pp have said, you said very judgey. Everyone does things differently, we’re all trying to juggle parenthood as best we can.

The other stuff would be fine but I would be busy for any kids party that required a 90 minute round trip

I actually think that sounds lovely for a 3 year olds party 🤷‍♀️
Cant imagine why you’re so judgy about it to be honest….

Are your children older? I think what you described for a 2 year old last year sounds great. As they are turning 3 they might add more games this year but lots of free play is still best at that age. Parties don’t always have to be full and busy. Low key might suit her children better (and it’s their birthday not your dc’s) Even if this is not your cup of tea I do think you show up for your friend and their dc

OP if you can't be bothered to go that's totally fine, but just own it rather than making the party out to be the problem. We've been to those parties, they're all they need at that age. Can your kids not just do a picnic without needing organised activities?

Its fine to not go to a party because its too far or not suitable or whatever but no need to be so judgy and snotty about it

I'd be thanking my lucky stars you weren't going if I were her.

It's the nearby playground which is the real issue. If you're competing with a playground for children's attention, you need to up your game. Otherwise the kids would find something to do.

I think you're unreasonable to expect party bags in general especially for 2 year olds!

Having said that I do agree with you that the "party" sounds quite boring and it's rude to make guests pay their 5£ entrance. I would go if it was a very dear friend to me or my dc but this is not the case here so feel free to decline.

YANBU. I wouldn’t like it either

You could always take a couple of balls yourself for your dc to play with. My dc loved just running around outdoors at that age and as yours are a year older now, maybe it’ll be a different experience?
But, it’s an invitation and if you don’t want to go, don’t.

Tbh sounds like what we did when our kids were that little, but I always did party bags because I do a banging party bag. 45 mins is a stretch though, and depending on the kids that might put me off. DD was always fine in the car but DS complains anything over 25 mins.

You’re not being unreasonable to decline but you sound a bit judgy. Also, you can’t know about her finances - the lengths some people go to keep up appearances is absurd.

Aren’t all toddler parties boring for the adults? I’ve never been to one that kept me entertained beyond chatting to other parents, and I don’t expect them to.

And you’re unreasonable to suggest that she’s out of order to have gifts for her children when she’s not paid much for the party. I don’t give a child a birthday present to reimburse the parents for the party.

But if you think your children won’t like it, then don’t go.

Say no. It sounds dull and cheap. And the private school thing makes no difference, shes probably the kind to say her kids like playing free range and they identify as tree stumps.

Is it local to her or is everyone driving 45min?
If she is asking everyone to drive 45min, that's a bit much. Would be nice if she covered the parking. But the food sounds fine as does the programme. No party bags is a bonus. If there is a playground, im unclear why it can't be used. Kids that aged run around mainly and seems like a nice location. I don't really think partied for that aged kids are particularly fun for anyone.

You don't have to go if you dont want to and you don't think your kids will have a good time.

Private school parents expecting 'guests' to drive a long distance then pay to attend, even if it is only £5, combined with the minimal 'hosting' as a party, all while expecting nice birthday gifts.

Yes, that would put me off as a 'birthday party'.

It's just another day out with friends where you do all the normal childcare, running about, driving, paying, grunt work ... but you're also expected to buy so-called friends expensive presents, too. Yick.

I do actually get what you’re saying OP.
Last year one of my friends organised her DDs 3rd birthday ‘party’ at the local skate park in a normal town park. Free to go, free to park. And that was it, just the skate ramps and instruction to bring bikes/scooters. It was a wintery day in late Autumn. After about an hour they sang happy birthday around a stunning cake and were given some plain cupcakes after. End of party. I’d never seen anything like it - my kids are older teens now.

Not so much low key as low effort, and actually really bad on the part of the parents.

I wouldn't take my 5 year old to a party like that. He's autistic and would run off and not join in with anything. I would have taken my DDs though they'd have loved it.
I'm not sure why she doesn't just hold it in the park though. The distance and cost would put me off if the kids didn't enjoy it.
Why are you moaning about no party bags? They are usually just full of plastic rubbish that gets thrown out the next day..
Besides it's an invitation not a demand. Just say sorry we can't make it.

A skate park sounds a very odd place for such young children, who presumably don’t have the bike riding skills for it.

But I don’t think that in general there is anything wrong with a low key party at a playground/park. It might be lower effort (although I don’t see that it’s less effort than booking a party at a soft play place where the staff sort it all), but that might not be why the parents chose it. We did a playground + picnic party for my DD’s 4th birthday - it was what she asked for. We offered soft play, bouncy castle, she didn’t want it. I was worried we’d be judged for being lazy and/or cheap, and I went all out on the picnic and party bags to try to compensate, but DD had a great time.

Just don’t go then. Why are you even asking?

I get it.

She doesn’t sound like a thoughtful host. Fine to be environmental and low key- but tell people “no gifts” rather than create toy landfill and don’t ask them to drive 45m pumping CO2 into the air the whole way.

Weekends are precious. Don’t waste a day on it if you won’t enjoy it.

just tell her you are busy, or say it’s too tricky with nap times to drive 45 minutes at that time or whatever.

You’ve tried it once and it didn’t work for you or your kids. Decline with no guilt. I’ve declined parties that were too far away or incredibly structured when mine was in his Hulk stage.

Good to know that at least I'm NBU for not going.

I know I'm judgey and not fussed about that.

The age range was between 5-2 years old roughly.

Re the party bags, it's not that I look forward to it, I'm just trying to paint a picture of the effort involved on both sides.

When I get invited to a party I assume there will be a level of entertainment. The playground is fine. But next to the playground with a few garden toys caught me off guard. Happy to bring additional toys but I wouldn't want to bring anything that could break /bend at the hands of other kids.