To not go to this low key children's party?

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

You’re NBU for not wanting to go but maybe keep your private thoughts to yourself to avoid sounding judgemental.

You’re being invited to the “other friends” party. I’d bet money that there’s a “proper party” for the school friends!

I’ve been to one of these a long time ago but the kids were older, knew each other and made their own entertainment while the parents chatted - fine. But toddlers that don’t know each other sounds like the parents are supposed to be entertainers.

is she not paying for entry? I’ve never heard of a bday party where a guest pays to attend so no, I wouldn’t go. If she’s well off yhsts taking the piss even more. She could do all those games in the local park.
we did a few low key parties when dc were young - a few just at home w trad party games, pottery painting (a friend facilitated it), party jn local park.

What a lovely party idea! Traditional and kid focused

Shame @Dontjumptoconclusions that you’re too shallow to want to parent your kids in an environment devoid of “entertainment”

you don’t get these years back. Simple is so much better than the overblown nonsense of today’s trends for more and more consumption

the kids are 3. They won’t remember anything about this stuff. But they’ll have a great afternoon

Some of the best kids' parties I have seen are just them running about in a village hall with a few simple toys like balls or bats and balls sitting out.

Snobbery at its finest!!
Cake wrapped in tissue?? 🙄🙄

The lack of expense /party bags isn't a problem. I was simply painting the picture re the effort involved.

I didn't necessarily mean the party was boring for me, just in general. We had 6 kids fighting over 2 tennis racquets, the ball then got grabbed by a dog walking past, so that was then put away. A few other bits a pieces took up another 10 mins then what?

Id be interested to see how many of your kids would be fine just on grass (after a 20 min play with toys) without anything else like a tree to climb, a swing, slide, ball, playground, party food. The kids that age ended up just fighting and pulling grass to put in each other's hair etc.

Anyway I'm glad IANBU to not go and shall be making alternative plans for the day.

Of course you don't have to go, if you think that your kids won't have fun or if you don't want to go. However, your expectations of a party are a bit wild, maybe its a culture thing but I'd say party games, sandwiches and cake are absolutely fine for a party, maybe her child loves that and asked for it, I think declining because you don't think she's making enough effort is very harsh and judgey.... do what you want to do though!

If it doesn't suit, be busy.
It's an invitation.
I never felt obligated to accept, especially when they were young.

You said there was food - sandwiches and cake is plenty

Kids should definitely be able to entertain themselves for longer than 20 minutes with a parachute, bean bags, all that outdoor space.

Frankly it's a sad state of affairs if they can't...

WOW, and WOW!!!
I would not want to invite you to my party.
First of all, the low-key parties are the best because they actually teach children to spend time with their friends and be happy without too much fanfare.
Second, it's not your place to judge.
Third, how rude. We were the most skint when our children went to private school. It is an utter misconception that parents sending children to private school are more loaded. In our case, we just never went on holiday really, and economised in many other ways.

Agreed.

45 mins away alone is crazy at least in my experience .. my dc are 11 and 13 so I have been to dozens of parties and none more than 20 mins away.

I agree the party sounds like hard work for the parents with kids that age. I took my kids to a few parties like that and it was hard work and didn't feel like a party to us - but they were local and dd's close friend. I don't think I'd make that effort for a not very good friend. Looking back, I wish I'd not felt obliged to go to so many parties!

It's very personal judging from responses here - but in any case YANBU to turn down an invite when the kids are so little and not likely to care either way.

It sounds like a great party but of course you don’t have to go.

Honestly mines happiest when she’s pelting around a park or picking up stones and sticks in a nature park. Most 3yr olds can’t focus for shit either, I remember trying to get mine to watch a magician at that age, I had to feed her popcorn to stop her form getting up and wandering off. Think letting them loose outside is a pretty good idea. You generally have to supervise your own 3yr old anyway so it’s no big deal.

Party bags are full of plastic shite and I wish we could just ban the bloody things. Nothing wrong with a few sandwichs and some squash. I’d be perfectly happy to attend a party like this.

45 minute drive is a pain in the ass though.

Do you expect a parachute and bean bags to keep everyone busy for a 2 hour long party?

What else do you suggest a 1 year old and 3 year old do? Open space to do what? Run around into passers by walking their dogs? Play ' it'? Scavenger hunt? Hide and seek behind what - blades of grass?

I'm not sure exactly what you are picturing here. But we were literally just in the field part.

My kids love those type of parties. At preschool age you don't need super complicated games. If you don't like the games bring a few of your own.
We usually have a few hula hoops, bubble wands and bubble juice, balls of various sizes, toys for various ages. We also have a couple of teen family members that attend and they set up games and races for the kids. I also don't do goodie bags. One year we gave each child one of the toys that we had been playing with, another year it was soccer balls etc.
So as long as the kids are having fun, I'm happy.
As for food, we just bring some things that can be eaten on the go as most littles don't really want to sit and eat anyway.

YANBU and some of these answers make me laugh, my favourite so far being "how sad that you'd find a party in nature boring". Although expecting a 1 and 3 year old to keep themselves occupied with no parental input for 20 mins or more is also and interesting take! Jesus Christ

Just decline and say you have plans. I would.

If you don't want to go then you don't have to go but you sound like a twat.

SHE sounds like a twat?! Pot, meet kettle.

So take a walk with your kids to the wood or something near by if they're bored. Or take a few balls etc yourself.

I've just spent a couple of hours with my toddler in the park today, with a teddy bear and a couple of his cars. He was quite happy running around playing with me and my dad, looking at the dogs doing by, waving to people. We looked at plants, flowers etc. Played games like peekaboo and chase.

By all means don't go, but there really isn't anything wrong with the sort of party you've described. Really baffled as to what sort of entertainment a 1 and 3 year old could possibly need?!

I think you are fine to duck out if it's going to be a chore. If the weather is decent and you'll have an enjoyable catch then go, but if not, maybe it is a sign that your friendship has run its course.

I understand your point completely, I do. If my kids had the games they are interested in, like cars and football and their scooters then they would have been contented. Last year I didn't expect to have to provide my own toys, (hence my surprise about lack of entertainment/generally entertaining things to do) and I don't intend to provide toys for fear of it getting broken by another child, and I'm not the host.

Is it rude to leave a party to take a walk or go to the playground next door...? I feel like I might end up missing the cake cutting or something.

I take my dogs walking in a woods which often hosts kids parties in different areas. The kids always seem like they're having a good time just running around playing, even where there's toys provided.

If its a similar place then you don't pay an entrance fee but you do pay for parking unless you have a membership.

Bit of a pile on the OP. She is being honest on how she feels and trusts us to get that. You could say the pile on is judgmental!
So what about the issue?: 1) they are not close friends, 2) it is presumptuous to expect people drive that far for a party and if they do make that enormous effort you expect something special at the destination. I guess the destination is much liked by the host, for whatever reason that might be, that is not shared by OP. And then there is the fact it is quite an intimate party, just hosts and one other guest family. All seems very odd. It sounds as if the host wants to have a closer relationship with OP and perhaps thinks there is one. Well sadly that is not true. So small a party that a refusal would be hurtful. It’s a bit puzzling.
OP you are grumpy and don’t want to go and are reaching out for reasons why you are right. It's a shame you don’t like the host and her family more because then it would be fun and not an irritating chore.
i can’t imagine making such demands on acquaintances to celebrate my child’s birthday. But times have changed. I’ll never forget being told off by a mother for not making my children’s party longer as coming back to collect her after only a couple of hours was too much to expect. It was just me and the kids, I volunteered at a playgroup I knew how long the attention spans of preschoolers were. I still have not forgotten it. It was a full on two hours, it wasn’t for adults. Sometimes I’d have another adult doing it with me. All the prizes were prepared beforehand. I suppose no one does parties like that anymore, it’s seems to be all about hosting the other parents!, I’d much rather host kids. (And after that I always stretched it to two and half hours.)
Back to the thoughtless host and grumpy invitee.. no idea …depends where they live ….a 45 minute drive in urban areas can be horrid. Need to know more to begin to understand.