To not go to this low key children's party?

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

Very happy to be told IABU.

Mum friend who I have known for 3 or so years and met at soft play. Met up maybe 7-8 times with and without kids over those years. Our kids are young so they don't really remember each other in between play dates.

Anyway, her DC is turning 3 and is having the same party as last year which we are invited to,so I know what to expect.

It's in a huge woodland trust park, so £5 entry per car to get in, 45 mins drive from us. Last year she had a few park style games (parachute, bean bags, kids tennis etc) and a few costco sandwiches, squash and cake. No party bag except a cake wrapped in tissue.

It was very boring for us, especially having to run around after our 2 kids when I deliberately avoid if there's not much happening. no additional entertainment and there were only 2 other kids there in addition to my 2 and her 2. I just expected a bit more to be considered a party.

AIBU to say no to this year's invite where she is having the same thing, plus most likely expecting a gift.

No she's not struggling for money, her eldest goes to private primary school.

You’ve got kid/kids the same age as her? It sounds just right for kids that age.

The fact that it’s “boring” for you is irrelevant. It’s about the kids. And running after toddlers is what you do when you have toddlers.

And yes you sound judgey. As for the lack of party bags. Have a listen to yourself. So fucking transactional. How far would you be prepared to drive for a bag of toddler tat?

If you don’t want to go, don’t go, don’t try and dress It up with excuses. You don’t like her, you’re much better than her, so don’t go.

It sounds good to me but I’d be put off driving 45 mins as kids parties tend to be around 2 hours so spending almost the same in the car is a lot to me. My daughter is only 2 so maybe if she was older it wouldn’t be an issue. Also I have so much party bag junk, the less of that being brought into my house the better

Be honest, you didn't want to know if you were unreasonable to decline the invitation, you just wanted to rant about this party.

I wouldn't travel 45 minutes for a birthday party, but neither do I find local soft play parties particularly entertaining if I'm honest

It was “very boring” for you???? It’s a kids party. It’s not designed to be entertaining for YOU.

Also your tone describing the food and lack of party bags is a bit snotty. Are your expectations of kids parties maybe a bit high? It all sounds lovely to me.

When I was a kid parties involved sitting in the floor of someone’s living room playing pass the parcel. That was probably extremely boring for the adults but it wasn’t for them. And sandwiches, crisps and cake were normal. I guess parties are fancier these days, but still.

Seems like you already know you do not want to attend a party of this nature, so why bother asking what other people think?

Be polite in your rsvp and spend that day doing something expensive, with amazing food and treats that will appeal to your snobbish outlook.

Who the hell actually wants a party bag?

When I get invited to a party I assume there will be a level of entertainment

Again, it isn’t for you. It isn’t you that is the guest.

So odd.

Also, “I expect a level of entertainment”. Good grief.

i did all the fancy parties for my DDs. Then I did an at home, pass the parcel type party one year. It was a huge hit. I never went back.

I wouldn’t consider you a friend, I’d consider you a selfish, snobby, acquaintance.

Most kids parties are boring for the parents. But you go. Because you’re a parent.

Exactly.

Don’t the kids just run around together?

The massive irony in this thread are the nasty, judgmental women hating on party bags like they're the most disgusting, climate destroying, cheap and classless gesture on earth. Imagine that a mum went out of her way to buy gifts and sweets for all the friends of her children and going into the trouble of packaging them up nicely. Only for those mum "friends" to brand a free bag of toys as horrible cheap tat that they want to throw out the window on the way home. I would hate to invite those sort of women to a party.

I would take party maximalists anyday. The ones who don't mind going the extra mile or spending a bit more to make every guests memory of that party truly magical. Rather than try to please sour-faced eco mums with some sort of performative frugality and have them applaud a boring party because kids only got a slice of cake in a napkin to take home.

Except most party bags aren't some amazing toy wrapped up nicely. It's a plastic bag with some bulk bought plastic tat in them.

Kids go to so many parties. They won't remember all of them (or any of them). Going the extra mile and spending a bit more doesn't even guarantee that. Kids are just a likely to remember Jason's party where they all played football in the park and Mark scored the best goal ever as remember Jonty's party where Mummy had paid for the cast of Harry Potter to play Quidditch with them on personalised brooms

Spending extra and going the extra mile is really more about scoring points against other mums

I have to plan parties within walking distance of the attendees or people don't come. No way would anyone travel 45 minutes. I wouldn't expect guests to pay to attend but otherwise this party sounds ok.

Don’t go. But also don’t expect to make a lot of friends- parties aren’t about what you find fun - you don’t have to buy an expensive present. Sometimes showing up for a
child is the most important thing. I feel for you if your child needs constant entertainment of a higher form. Games and cake is lovely.

I would go, she may have more guests coming this time.

Soynds like my ideal kids parof - I'd be thrilled if mine were invited to a day like this! Not sure why youre complaining that she brought around 4 toy items to play with - kids shouldn't really need plastic toys to have fun in nature.

My little one would LOVE this kind of outdoorsy party, especially if sandwiches/a picnic were involved. I would quite like it too, and we regularly drive 45 mins for a day out so that wouldn't bother me. That being said, if it's not your vibe it's not at all rude to decline and say that you can't make it x

It sounds quite lazy for a party, but they're only three so fine if that's what they like. But it's a drive away, your kids aren't close and you didn't enjoy it last time so I would just decline. Unless you really like this woman, this friendship will probably fade anyway once they're at school.

You sound quite insufferable. Also I couldn’t be bothered to RTFT but sounds like there was a park there but you didn’t let your kids go to it? That’s on you. You could say “they love the park, why don’t we pop down at 2pm”.

YATA. As I was reading I initially thought it sounded pretty reasonable, until you said it was "boring for us". The party isnt for you. As the Mum of a 5 year old if I didnt go to a party because it was "boring for me" my kiddo wouldnt ever go to a party. A 45 minute drive is nothing.

Could it be a chain letter or code like @VaseofViolets said best not to make a big deal about it.

Find some way of opening up communication so he is not worried to talk to you about things. Speak to the parents of his friends find out if they have seen a thing and his teachers?
i don’t think you should just leave it but I think you might have to check your reaction towards him.
xxx

How can a kid be bored running around outside? Don’t go if you don’t want to but I agree with others - you sound quite judgemental. Thank god I’m past this stage of parenting!

I think it’s the kind of thing my kids would have loved. You could always chuck a couple of other toys/games in the car and ask the other mum if she’d like you to get them out. Great to be running around in the fresh air this time of year too. But if you don’t fancy it just politely decline.