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Original poster

The outcome of mum demanding payments each month

118 replies

Lifeisinshambles · 22/08/2025 07:08

I sent her £100, long story short they’ve cut me off. They said I am a waste of time, there’s no pill that will fix me, and that they won’t be putting me in their wills.
I’m not sure really where to go from here. I’m rather upset but I don’t think I’ve really processed it yet as I haven’t cried or had any time alone to really think/feel.
Definitely a weird feeling. Any advice welcome

OP posts:
FlappyFish · 22/08/2025 07:09

I remember your thread and I’m proud of you! You’ve lost toxicity. I know it will be very hard and raw, but I do think never speaking to them again is in your best benefit.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 22/08/2025 07:11

Well done, in time you’ll feel better.

For now, just accept what you save change and live your life as you wish.

Fuzziduck · 22/08/2025 07:15

It was the right thing to do. Save the money if it will make you feel any better. Would there be I inheritance anyway?! If she’s totting up £2 owed by you from years ago?! She’s said it to try and keep hold of you!
She’s abused you up till now, and she wants to keep hold of you.
No more! You will no longer be bullied.

Lennonjingles · 22/08/2025 07:15

You need to realise that your DM is the one with problems, from what you said in your last post, in time it may be better not to have contact with her. I’m sorry it must be unbelievably hard.

Earthbound4 · 22/08/2025 07:21

Breathe and be free from them.

Keep sending them the money til you’ve paid the debt.

Never contact them again.

No amount of inheritance is worth this torturous relationship.

Don’t give in when they come back to you as they get older.

It’s horrible. It’s sad. But, that is who they are not you.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 22/08/2025 07:27

I wouldn’t send them money. I don’t think you owe them anything. Your mother is manipulative and abusive. I’d try and think of it as a weight being lifted, now you have a fresh stary, set up a budget now you are keeping your full wage.

SodapopCurtis · 22/08/2025 07:33

Bless you. Stop for a minute before you spiral in sadness.

How does that change today, tomorrow, this week. What contact would you have had with them?
How did they make you feel on your birthday/Christmas?

Look to who you do have in your life. And read up on FOG

Take care

converseandjeans · 22/08/2025 07:35

I don’t think you owe them anything now. Don’t send £100 every month. Your Mum is ripping you off. You need to start saving your money.

Is it your Dad or Step Dad that she lives with? It’s disappointing that he is allowing this to go on.

Your boyfriend & employer sound very supportive. So you have a support network & don’t need your parents.

yikesss · 22/08/2025 07:59

You are none of those things, as a stranger im very proud of you! You did the right thing and this reaction proves it

FiveBarGate · 22/08/2025 08:01

You can't reason with the irrational.

At this stage, don't think too long term. Talk of wills etc is all irrelevant. No one knows how the future will pan out and she could change her mind and leave it all to the dogs home regardless of your relationship.

Just concentrate on the next few days. Do you have friends who can distract you?

You are at your most vulnerable for trying to go back right now. Understand that and try and keep busy/focused in other ways.

This isn't really about what you could have done differently. Your mother has some serious behavioural issues and you can't solve them with your own behaviour.

Ratafia · 22/08/2025 08:03

Wasn't this the mother who chucked you out at 17? I somehow doubt you were ever in her will in the first place.

Did she ever give a breakdown of what you were supposed to owe her, bearing in mind that up to the age of 18 it was her responsibility to maintain you anyway?

ComfortFoodCafe · 22/08/2025 08:04

You might feel a bit shitty in days to come, but I promise you itll feel like this huge heavy weight has been lifted & your own mental health will recover from their toxicity.
Been there myself, just got to the second hurdle and it feels amazing!

Also dont send them anymore money.

tinaabbot · 22/08/2025 08:06

your other thread stuck in my head so glad to read an update!

It is hard now but you have 100% done the right thing and you do not need that toxicity in your life. I bet there will be no inheritance left when the time comes anyway. Relish this freedom and use the money that is all yours now to make positive changes to your life, and treat yourself to something small!

Also, don’t let them reappear and drag you back in, keep them at arms length, or better still, a lot further away

ElfAndSafetyBored · 22/08/2025 08:07

Sending you all the best of luck for the future. You didn’t deserve such a shit mum, it’s all on her. Don’t waste your life dwelling on her. And if she ever wants to build a relationship in the future, set and keep your boundaries.

socks1107 · 22/08/2025 08:11

Well done. It will feel hard now, it will feel like a bereavement but hold it strong:
your mum was abusing you and you are none of the things she said you are, you don’t deserve to be called any of that. Take this as a new start, let your mum have her tantrum and start living YOUR life. I wish you all the best because you absolutely deserve it

moondune · 22/08/2025 08:14

I know it doesn’t feel like it now but honestly, she’s given you a gift. You can now live your life free of this awful person. I cannot believe your mother was adding up every last £2.

Learn from your mother how NOT to live your life, how not to be that sort of person. It will be fine, OP. You will be fine. Sending love and best wishes.

CatAsstrophe · 22/08/2025 08:15

I remember your previous thread. I'm so sorry to read that you were met with such spite, but it was predictable that she'd use the threat of cutting you out of her will. After all, she has form for control and manipulation, and 'cutting you out' is just an added layer of control, manipulation and abuse.

This period is going to be hard while you settle into independence from the toxicity you're so used to. I have been there, I know how painful it is, but I promise it will get better and in time you will reap the benefits of not being controlled, manipulated and scapegoated.

You'll be better off financially, mentally and emotionally.

There was never any guarantee of an inheritance, so please try not to focus on that. Look after yourself and be around people who appreciate you for who you are 💐

myplace · 22/08/2025 08:16

She will, no doubt, be working on spending the money she inherits.

Don’t be surprised when she flashes it around with a ‘look what you’re missing’ spiteful flourish. She was never going to share, but she’ll try and punish you for breaking free.

She’s probably expecting you to crawl back. Don’t.

AirborneElephant · 22/08/2025 08:17

Well done. You don’t owe her anything, I don’t believe for a second that you haven’t already paid back multiple times what you “borrowed”. She is using money to punish and control you, hence the threat to cut you out of her will. Please stop sending her anything and build your own life without this toxic influence.

Ellie1015 · 22/08/2025 08:19

Sounds like you have more than paid your debt. Stop sending any money. Sounds like they weren't good for you so although it may feel strange going no contact will be good for you. And if they are the ones who have initiated it then it might be easier in a practical sense.

Well done

HotTiredDog · 22/08/2025 08:21

Another supporter of yours here, OP!
Whilst there may be understandable sadness, honestly I think this situation is an improvement on where you have been.
As others have said, please don’t send any more money; you owe her nothing.
Consider this a fresh financial start and continue building a great life for yourself.
You are actually quite an exceptional person & I'm so proud of you!

Serpentstooth · 22/08/2025 08:22

Well, they're a waste of money. Stay free, nobody needs such people in their life.

BunnyRuddington · 22/08/2025 08:24

I’ve got a shit Mum too although yours is on a whole new level.

It’s fine to feel some type of grief for the Mum and love you should have had but this is all totally on her. You've not done anything to deserve this batshit behaviour.

Don’t send her money and don’t answer her. Read up on Fear, Obligation and Guilt and carry on building a contented life away from her abusive drama Flowers

MaggieBsBoat · 22/08/2025 08:34

You’ve paid more than double what you ever owed them!! (Saying this for the benefit of the pps who mustn’t have read your previous thread).
I am sorry this is so hard and I totally get it, but in time you will better off without them and also you’ll have more money! She’ll try and reel you back in as narcissists always do. Be warned!

Farkinhell · 22/08/2025 08:42

Well done. From your past thread your mum sounds toxic and a narcissistic. It's always incredibly hard to take steps to move away from someone, especially when they're family but I think with time you will start to feel happier and life will feel better.