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Original poster

Fucking fuming - child maintenance review

474 replies

aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 20:20

Got child maintenance review today. DC dad declared he earned £13,248 last financial year. He claims he works 6 days a week and is always late picking dc up due to work and works every weekend even the Saturdays he has dc. He owes £1254 in arrears via the cms and £2500 from before I applied to the cms (obviously I have written that off) so now I get the princely sum of £29.30 a week but not before cms have taken their 4%.
is this a joke? How do men like this have no shame? I know there is nothing to be done I am just venting. I have never included his money in my budget thank god but that doesn’t mean I don’t need it! I work full time and I work hard but why do men think this is ok? Why do the girlfriends think this is ok? Why do the father’s parents think this is ok? I have 3 boys and no way would I be congratulating them on avoiding maintenance.
Oh, and he’s a plasterer 🤣
Fucking patriarchy.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Bowies · 21/08/2025 22:57

Some people don’t ‘claim’ because they are disincentivised to do so, ie worried about abuse and other issues that might arise from doing so.
They may not want to share the real reason why they don’t.

I disagree with the current system and how it has to be initiated, it could be eg linked in with child benefit instead.

It is set far too low as a percentage of income, unless someone is on a very high income, the amount is pitiful.

School uniform, clubs etc are meant to be dealt with separately, but there is no obligation to cover any of these costs either.

I don’t how much the GFs would know about the reality, obviously people can talk themselves up and make out they are doing more then they are.

spoonbillstretford · 21/08/2025 22:58

I really think this is a campaign Mumsnet should run. They could actually do a lot of good with this and have such a positive influence.

Original poster
aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 22:59

I have to go to bed because I have to be up early to go to work to earn some money to pay my tax and my rent and my bills whilst arsehole ex has already asked if he can pick up dc late tomorrow because he is working 🙄
I am noting all your names and ideas. If I pm any of you to join my crusade I won’t be offended if you decline but I am determined to get something going!

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 22:59

rubberduck22 · 21/08/2025 22:54

I don’t understand how she can encourage him not to pay, how would she feel if it was her in your situation and she was struggling. It’s not right at all.

I don’t know what good it would do, but could you maybe start a petition on the gov website about this? If anything it could at least bring it to their attention and give them food for thought. I think the whole maintenance system here needs to be looked at, especially with self employed parents who earn way more than they declare. They just get away with the bare minimum. It’s totally unfair. I’m sorry you are having to go through this x

Show quote history

But she will never be in that situation! Because they wont split up as she knows how to treat her man right, and even if they did split up, he would never do that to her.

And of course, his ex doesnt need the money so why on earth shouldnt he spend it on her and her kids?

cannyvalley · 21/08/2025 23:00

aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 22:36

Ah ok 😂 I don’t mind people disagreeing with me (would it matter if I did?) but I didn’t feel up to shit thrown at me so I am glad it wasn’t that.

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Absolutely no shit throwing from me.

it makes me furious to read all the comments from women who are having to deal with these men who opt out of financially supporting their children. I was telling a real life story of a terrible terrible father who hides his wealth so he doesn’t have to pay CM … I must have triggered some kind of alarm my mentioning he has literal gold sitting in a vault that the mum told HMRC about and they did nothing.

This comment may get removed also? But i wanted you to know i was commenting here in full support of you x

Cantgetausername87 · 21/08/2025 23:00

Still too much talk about women for my liking. This is mumsnet! The dialogue needs to be about NRPs not paying the required child support or not disclosing their income.
I understand that some women may justify their behaviour, but ultimately its their behaviour and failure to pay. Let's not be part of the problem by making it an issue that stems from women.

PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 21/08/2025 23:01

rubberduck22 · 21/08/2025 22:54

I don’t understand how she can encourage him not to pay, how would she feel if it was her in your situation and she was struggling. It’s not right at all.

I don’t know what good it would do, but could you maybe start a petition on the gov website about this? If anything it could at least bring it to their attention and give them food for thought. I think the whole maintenance system here needs to be looked at, especially with self employed parents who earn way more than they declare. They just get away with the bare minimum. It’s totally unfair. I’m sorry you are having to go through this x

Show quote history

In the case of my ex's wife its because her ex didn't pay for their dc so she didn't see why my ex should pay for ours.

@aremenreallysuchcunts I'm happy to get involved some how. Now that my DC are adults I'm less worried about pissing their father off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:01

aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 22:59

I have to go to bed because I have to be up early to go to work to earn some money to pay my tax and my rent and my bills whilst arsehole ex has already asked if he can pick up dc late tomorrow because he is working 🙄
I am noting all your names and ideas. If I pm any of you to join my crusade I won’t be offended if you decline but I am determined to get something going!

I hope your response to him was "No, I am working too"

Original poster
aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:01

Cantgetausername87 · 21/08/2025 23:00

Still too much talk about women for my liking. This is mumsnet! The dialogue needs to be about NRPs not paying the required child support or not disclosing their income.
I understand that some women may justify their behaviour, but ultimately its their behaviour and failure to pay. Let's not be part of the problem by making it an issue that stems from women.

I hear you.

OP posts:
PinkFlloyd · 21/08/2025 23:02

I also know several deadbeats who gave up lucrative jobs after their partners bought businesses. They now work part-time for minimum wage for their partners (so much for the sisterhood!) but all seem to lead lovely lives. One partner's DCs even attend private school. I'll never understand these dads, let alone the women who are complicit in this deceipt.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:02

I am reporting this thread to @mnhq in the hopes that some of the ideas here are taken on board.

I hope others do too

Original poster
aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:03

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:01

I hope your response to him was "No, I am working too"

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He only messaged me an hour ago so what does he expect me to say? I asked how much later he will be. Even if I say no what difference does it make? He still won’t be on time.

OP posts:
Original poster
aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:03

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:02

I am reporting this thread to @mnhq in the hopes that some of the ideas here are taken on board.

I hope others do too

You are at the top of my list. Need you for this campaign. And it will be a campaign

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/08/2025 23:04

He is a selfish shit bag. 😒

Left · 21/08/2025 23:05

Would a knock to the ego/reverse psychology work on any of these exs? For example, an occasional social post publicly shaming them, along these lines:

Does anyone need a plasterer? If so please consider ex. His business is really struggling and he can only afford to pay £29 a month maintenance. Such a shame as he’s a great craftsman, and such a hard worker.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:05

aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:03

You are at the top of my list. Need you for this campaign. And it will be a campaign

Show quote history

I am in.

Cantgetausername87 · 21/08/2025 23:07

Left · 21/08/2025 23:05

Would a knock to the ego/reverse psychology work on any of these exs? For example, an occasional social post publicly shaming them, along these lines:

Does anyone need a plasterer? If so please consider ex. His business is really struggling and he can only afford to pay £29 a month maintenance. Such a shame as he’s a great craftsman, and such a hard worker.

This is such a great idea. But it would be met with "oh it's just the crazy, greedy ex looking to get her nails done"

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:08

aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:03

He only messaged me an hour ago so what does he expect me to say? I asked how much later he will be. Even if I say no what difference does it make? He still won’t be on time.

Show quote history

No he wont, but saying no each time sets out that the worm is turning.

Do you have a court order? If not I suggest you look into getting one, you dont need a solicitor (although obviously it makes it easier), you can represent yourself. I can recommend a couple of amazing MNers who did just that and will help you x

Original poster
aremenreallysuchcunts · 21/08/2025 23:08

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2025 23:02

I am reporting this thread to @mnhq in the hopes that some of the ideas here are taken on board.

I hope others do too

I have reported too. They owe me something for the hours I have put in on here over the last 2 decades 🤣

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/08/2025 23:09

Judge Judy's show is my guilty pleasure, the American system for non paying parents is excellent.
Collect from their taxes, remove driving licence, prison.

Movingon2024 · 21/08/2025 23:10

I want to join any campaign.
same position as many. - Ltd co being the main loophole.
he made £40k pension contributions, claimed dividends and ended paying a nominal amount for2 teenagers, one of which had no contact with him.

CSA useless. Attempts to raise a variation took so long to respond to, and needed so much evidence, I finally gave up,exhausted. You cannot get through on the phone and the system to ‘upload information’ just doesn’t work.

Laurmolonlabe · 21/08/2025 23:10

I would ask to see his tax return as proof of earnings- if it is the same tell the Inland Revenue on the anonymous tip line he is earning more- it will be fine if he is telling the truth, if the tax return says something different show it to CMS to get your bump.

ARichtGoodDram · 21/08/2025 23:12

TiredThursday · 21/08/2025 22:46

I haven't been in this position but it makes me furious. Who's up for writing to their MP to argue the point? I'm sending the below...my MP never bloody listens but she should read this even if she won't do anything

[MP’s Name]
[Constituency Office Address]
[Postcode]
Dear [MP’s Name],
Re: Urgent Action Needed to Enforce Child Maintenance Payments
I am writing as a concerned constituent to highlight the ongoing crisis surrounding unpaid child maintenance in the UK and to urge you to support reforms that ensure children receive the financial support they are legally entitled to.
At present, far too many children are growing up without adequate financial contributions from one parent, often their father, due to failures in enforcing existing laws. According to government data, billions of pounds in unpaid child maintenance remains outstanding, leaving thousands of single-parent families struggling to cover basic costs like food, school uniforms, and housing.
While the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) exists, many parents exploit loopholes, hide income, or simply refuse to pay. This is not only unfair to the parent who shoulders the financial burden but, more importantly, deeply damaging to the welfare of children.
I believe we urgently need cost-effective, practical reforms to strengthen enforcement, such as:

  1. Automatic Deduction from Income – Where a paying parent repeatedly fails to pay, deductions could be made directly from salary or bank accounts without lengthy delays or repeated CMS interventions.
  2. Linking Non-Payment to Credit Ratings – Failure to pay child maintenance should negatively impact credit scores, applying pressure while avoiding costly legal processes.
  3. Fast-Track Court Orders – Simplify the process so that persistent non-payers can be brought before a magistrate quickly, reducing administrative costs.
  4. Better Data Sharing – Allow HMRC and CMS to automatically share information on earnings, dividends, and savings, making it harder for individuals to hide income.
These measures are not only fair and proportionate but also cost-efficient, reducing the long-term strain on government support systems while ensuring that children receive the help they need. I am considering starting a petition to demonstrate the depth of public concern on this issue. With widespread support from parents across the country, I believe we could create significant momentum for legislative change. I kindly ask you to:
  • Raise this matter in Parliament
  • Support stronger enforcement measures
  • Back proposals to modernise the CMS and protect children’s rights
Children should never have to suffer because one parent refuses to meet their responsibilities. By improving enforcement, we can make a real difference to families like mine and many others across the UK. Thank you for your time and for representing our community. I look forward to hearing your views on how you intend to support parents and children affected by this ongoing problem. Yours sincerely, [Your Name]

Can I suggest one tweak - Where a paying parent repeatedly fails to pay, deductions could be made directly from salary or bank accounts without lengthy delays or repeated CMS interventions. - this should be should rather than could as CMS can already, without court order, take money on a regular basis or as a one off from bank accounts.

They rarely do it as they prefer the DEO approach but for men who quit their job as soon as that happens they should be taking large sums from their bank accounts without warning.

Although when I worked for CMS I was told I was "too aggressive" in my thinking for this stance.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/08/2025 23:15

Parky04 · 21/08/2025 20:39

The majority of men don't want kids. They agree, just to keep partner/wife happy. It's no surprise they won't support them if the relationship breaks down!!

Such rubbish, so many of us on here were talked into having a child by a love bomber who then left

rubberduck22 · 21/08/2025 23:16

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 21/08/2025 21:30

When a paying parent is employed, CMS look at his / her tax record - they get that from HMRC.

The issue is with men (or women) who leave their employment to avoid paying, or who become self-employed and don’t declare all their income / assets (like houses that they’re getting rental income from).

CMS can only see what’s on their self-assessment form - the issue is at HMRC. HMRC need to be doing a lot more to crack down on this - and not just because of CMS. Someone who isn’t declaring income isn’t paying tax that they should be - and that affects all of us.

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I read recently that apparently hmrc can now have access to your social media accounts. Not sure if it was bank accounts also but definitely social media, all so I read