Fucking fuming - child maintenance review

[aremenreallysuchcunts]

Got child maintenance review today. DC dad declared he earned £13,248 last financial year. He claims he works 6 days a week and is always late picking dc up due to work and works every weekend even the Saturdays he has dc. He owes £1254 in arrears via the cms and £2500 from before I applied to the cms (obviously I have written that off) so now I get the princely sum of £29.30 a week but not before cms have taken their 4%.
is this a joke? How do men like this have no shame? I know there is nothing to be done I am just venting. I have never included his money in my budget thank god but that doesn’t mean I don’t need it! I work full time and I work hard but why do men think this is ok? Why do the girlfriends think this is ok? Why do the father’s parents think this is ok? I have 3 boys and no way would I be congratulating them on avoiding maintenance.
Oh, and he’s a plasterer 🤣
Fucking patriarchy.

My ex had £7k written off by csa before it was transferred to CMS

Then he only had to pay be £20 a week for year for 3 kids because apparently he was self employed and cooked the books

He went into have another child with a woman but they split, she has copies of everything so he ended up being invested. I had a letter and numerous phone calls during this investigation and it turns out he underpaid me by minimum of £22knakd guess what, they’re not going after him for any of the money he stole from our children.

I had spoken to CMS numerous times over the years about our claim stating that he was lying about his income but they never did a thing. Instead I had to work double shifts to keep about over our heads. My kids were latchkey kids because he was too selfish with money. That money could have helped us so bloody much and it angers me that these men get away with it time after time!

I reported that he never paid around birthdays or Christmas because he had to buy present too and they never did a thing about it.

CMS are not fit.

Have our ever written to your MP? You should start.

I agree but it does (to a certain knuckle dragging "man") perpetuate the myth of "You see, she doesnt need it anyway, she will only spend on getting her fucking nails done" when they hear of women who did truly choose to go it completely alone financially.

Its a bit of a "My friends wives....." argument. He doesnt want to help by doing XYZ and none of "my friends wives need help!" . So they move on to "Why should I pay you for the kids, so and so's ex doesnt claim from him, she earns enough on her own".

It gives them confirmation bias. I mean they wouldnt pay it anyway, but to a certain type of deadbeat it justifies their actions.

That isnt the same as misogyny.

Going to sound like a twat now but -
my mum became a single parent in the early 60’s and when those around her told (tried to force) her to have my sibling adopted she loudly told them to fuck off. She qualified as a nurse as a single parent in the late 60’s and continued to tell everyone to fuck off who told her she couldn’t do it on her own.
<sadly she then met my dad who was an abusive arsehole>
But I am going to channel my ‘early’ mum and say fuck off to those who say we can’t change things. Because I honestly believe we can.
Eh @MNHQ?

I have had £300 in the last 12 years and this £300 has come in the last 5 months. There have been many years of nil assessment. There are current £30,000 of arrears from 4 years of calculated income after a financial investigation. In the last 12 months he has been to court three times and nothing has happened. Currently I have not had a payment for two months and round the roundabout we go again.

For three years I had to give up my career because the LA could not find a school to meet my son's SEN and then Covid hit, three months after they found him a school. So that was another 18 months of no income.

My ex hasn't paid for even a pair of shoes in the last 12 years.

I think women who have been through the cms process and fundamentally let down by it would have the kind of fire within them to track down and hold to account other deadbeat dads.

Don't the HMRC take a look at people who claim to earn pennies but have a lifestyle that would cost one heck of a big wage?
If they don't they should, especially self employed who claim to not earn anything but buy fancy cars and holiday homes.

Who picks these pricks to procreate with?

Go for a 50:50 custody arrangement- then no one needs to pay the other anything?

I listen to a podcast called the divorce social and she had Holly Bell (GBBO) on as a guest. Holly went on a very justified rant about this issue as her ex was a company director and only declared the minimum etc. and yet was happy to fleece her for half her assets.
Worth a listen, it’s from a while back now, but she was trying to raise awareness on this very unfair issue.

We’re going to change things.

What did cannyvalley say?

It’s absolutely disgusting.

I have zero respect for men who do not financially support their children.

what’s even more galling (as stated up thread) is that these men are usually ‘Disneyland dads’ who treat their kids to happy meals and expensive trips to the cinema and new toys on the half a Saturday they deign to spend with them. While mum is often struggling to put a meal on the table .
No thought that buying a school uniform or a winter coat would be a better use of this money… as this doesn’t give them fun dad points.
in the bin, the lot of them!!!

Plasters earn very good money. Any chance you could anonymously tip Hmrc off…if they looked into his money then he’d have to pay more.

Such a good point. There should be a bare minimum that each child receives from the non-resident parent, then it should go up from there for higher incomes. The system is shocking.

They dont care unless they owe them money

Oh wow. Comment got removed. Interesting!

it wasn’t offensive I promise.

i guess i ‘violated’ a rule by telling the truth about a really shit dad that I know , and how he goes about dodging paying CM… and the real impact on the mother of his child for his selfishness and greed!

How can they look into his money that goes straight into his back pocket? Genuine question. He isn’t buying fast cars or going on holiday abroad 3 times a year - he is literally spending it like sand through fingers on his step kids, days out, takeaways etc

I used to feel like you. Noone gives a shit....like someone said...the patriarchy.

My ex tells each girlfriend he pays for my son. I don't say anything to my son. Maybe when he is older and all the promises his Dad has given him about when he is 16/18 come to nothing. I am pleased my son sees me and my partner working hard, being honest and supporting him materially and emotionally.

Ah ok 😂 I don’t mind people disagreeing with me (would it matter if I did?) but I didn’t feel up to shit thrown at me so I am glad it wasn’t that.

Well don't look at me. I made sure we'd been up the aisle before starting a family.

Why are the govt NOT on this? A friends ex has NEVER paid a penny towards their two dc. Rarely saw them but continued to be controlling by not allowing them on holidays or school trips/holding over their heads and being a general prick.

somehow he found some other sap to marry him and procreated again (I’m sure she’s lovely but she saw this behaviour so is no innocent party)

Infuriatingly, and I know it’s NOT everyone but because these OH don’t pay (both sexes) top ups are required. And where do they come from?’ The public purse (correctly, no one should go without). Why is this not a priority for every MP when they are trying to cut expenditure. It makes no sense…..

As another example,l HMRC are on me like a fucking rash, I earn £24K pa and paid £850 p/m in tax (due to BIK) and yet even that was not enough and I’ve been told I have until next week to pay £3k in owed tax. But Mick from down the road, who’s fiddled his ex and dc out of money has no consequences? I’m not exactly fucking rolling in it I just got a job that gave me a car….. and not a brand new car, one that had done 100k…

Men who don’t want to pay maintenance definitely don’t want 50/50 custody.

It’s only in the last 2 years that my exh agreed to have our children EOW. Before that it was every third weekend or whatever he picked around his schedule. In fact recently he claimed that 3 nights EOW was too much travelling around for him. You think he’d agree to have them 50% of the time? Ha ha.

In answer to your first question, he was a lovely boyfriend and husband before the kids came along. As stated upthread, apparently they only care about the woman they are shagging.

What a fantastic idea

I did. I said the patriarchy. Maybe we’won’t change things. We have to try. My mum probably didn’t feel like she was changing anything in the 60s. But she was. More than she ever lived to know. I have spent years letting this get me down, so I either stand up and try or sit down and shut up or hover and wait for someone to kick it off for me. I am shit at this stuff and have no clue but I am going to try