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Original poster

Date asking strange questions

311 replies

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

OP posts:
DeedsNotDiddums · 22/08/2025 17:48

What a creep! Probably an idiot and a creep.
Essentially he was sussing out whether you would like to give up everything else in your life and be barefoot in the kitchen.
I think he was actually trying to understand if he could control you. I think you should run very far away!!!

CATomas · 22/08/2025 17:50

Get away. Total ICK.

Louise122 · 22/08/2025 17:53

Block him!

when I was internet dating a random guy messaged me out of the blue saying you’re attractive but I don’t single women because the kids always come first lol! The fact he took time out of his day to even message that was unreal. He was also about 60 stone with a porno tash 🤢

Audiprettier · 22/08/2025 17:55

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 15:28

What I can’t believe is what you feel the need to even ask Op?

Your standards must be in the gutter to be questioning this

How rude!

Twinklewrinkle · 22/08/2025 17:58

I’d delay your response but when you do, say sorry I’ve yet to get back to you, I’ve been busy with my baggage anyway chat later I’m off to karate and I don’t have time for you.

ForNoisyCat · 22/08/2025 17:59

SummerHouse · 21/08/2025 15:34

Him: "did you wonder what I saw in you with all your baggage"
Your response: "no, I am fabulous. I am only wondering what I saw in you with all your weird and loaded questions"

Perfect response:). Imagine what he’d be like in a few months time- dread to think! Op: trust your instincts that are telling you you’ve hit the wall with him. He sounds like he loves himself and thinks he’s a god

newdad1973 · 22/08/2025 18:01

If he's asking what you would give up to be with him by the third date, imagine what he would be asking you to give up if you were in a serious relationship with him. Maybe ask him what he would be prepared to give up if he wanted more children?

TheFella · 22/08/2025 18:02

Sorry, but even as a bloke, this sounds all wrong. The bottom line is, if YOU feel uncomfortable, then it's not right. End now.

Wooky073 · 22/08/2025 18:03

Returnofjude · 21/08/2025 15:28

What I can’t believe is what you feel the need to even ask Op?

Your standards must be in the gutter to be questioning this

Bit harsh - OP has just lost confidence after being out of the dating game for a while and is looking for reassurance. Being a single parent reassurance is welcome when in new territory

Crazyworldmum · 22/08/2025 18:05

Ick !!!!
when I started dating my current husband I was off course worried I had 2 children already and early on I think he realised this was making me pull away of moving on .
It took me a while to trust him but I still remeber him telling me , he didn’t care at all I had children , I could have 5 kids and he would still stay with me because he loved me .
We got married this year and he had been nothing but a great stepdads and dad .
I wouldn’t even contemplate another date with anyone that called my kids luggage

Jello64 · 22/08/2025 18:08

Release release. Def sounds weird.

Alan198 · 22/08/2025 18:08

Get rid you deserve better. I married a lady i met online who had 3 children 17 years ago and were still going strong. I didn't see it as baggage or even mentioned it. I fell for her and was happy to take on all that came with her. Me and her now grown up Children are good friends. You sound decent and you can meet a decent fellow even if it's takes a while, don't ever let anyone belittle or put you down it's just not on. All the best.

Hmm1234 · 22/08/2025 18:08

JMaggs93 · 21/08/2025 15:22

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

You dropped him off on the date he didn’t bring his own car the first ick and major red flag. Also the film choice lol

Wooky073 · 22/08/2025 18:10

Huge red flags ....... his behaviour smacks of testing boundaries and sussing out to what degree he could control you. Manipulator tactics
1 - Initial charm offensive to appear to be a fabulous person
2 - make the other person feel inferior and that they should be grateful for your attention
3 - test out the level of control they could have over your life

There are more manipulation tactics which would follow - things like cutting you off from others, putting you down, undermining you etc.

The guy has done you a favour though - he has shown you who he is before you are too invested. Get out now ! Chalk this one down to experience.

Best of luck in the dating game.

WVirginia · 22/08/2025 18:10

🚩

Returnofjude · 22/08/2025 18:10

Let me guess op… he doesn’t drive

Does he even work?

Perimama · 22/08/2025 18:14

Please Ditch him! Ick!!

Oldwmn · 22/08/2025 18:15

Ah, my weirdo klaxon just went off! Don't meet him again. Once you've got the ick, it won't ever go away - he's deffo not the one for you

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 22/08/2025 18:19

🚩 🚩🚩

Thalia31 · 22/08/2025 18:19

The op described the whole plot

Mazzb08 · 22/08/2025 18:23

HUGE red flags. If I was you, I would walk away now. For one, hes already thinking about you giving up your hobbies and youre only dating, and two, your kids are not baggage. Run whilst you can.

JosieW66 · 22/08/2025 18:25

Don't spend another minute even trying to work his weird brain out. He is definitely not for you and i would not want him anywhere near my child either!

I'm far older than you and look back on the guys I should have ditched years before I did! Don't waste anymore of your precious time on him as it could mean you miss out on the right guy who will never give you such negative vibes!

I'm happily single! 😄

Bikergran · 22/08/2025 18:30

Ghost and block.

Jorge14 · 22/08/2025 18:33

Yep it’s weird

flippertygibbet4 · 22/08/2025 18:38

Run! Seriously, he's not worth your time. You sound lovely. Wait for someone A LOT BETTER to come along!

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