Date asking strange questions

[JMaggs93]

Wanted other's perspectives on this as I've been out of the dating game for a while and have been taken aback by questions this man has been asking me on dates.

I'm 32 and he is 27. We met online and spoke for a while, then decided to meet up. Our first couple of dates were lovely and he seemed really nice and genuine. On our third date we went to watch a film where the leading lady was going on a date herself, a single parent etc, much like myself.

I was driving so on the way to drop him home afterwards we were chatting in the car, and he suddenly asked me if karate (I've been doing this for a few years and love it) is something I'd ever think about giving up in future. I told him of course not, why would I? He then said maybe I'd have to if I wanted anymore children etc which honestly right now I don't want for personal reasons. I found this an odd thing to say but let it go.
We were talking about the movie and the female character who was getting back into dating. He then asked me if I ever wondered what he saw in me on the dating app we met on. More specifically, did I ever wonder what he saw in me and 'all my baggage'? Obviously he meant my kids and my bad experiences with relationships which I'd told him about briefly whilst we were first chatting.

I immediately caught the ick. I was so shocked I didn't really give an answer but it's made me think that he believes I should count myself lucky that a younger man chose me despite my 'baggage'. For context, this man has a child of his own and a bad co parenting relationship with his ex, so really if he thinks what I have is baggage then surely he has the same?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I being unreasonable for feeling really put off and belittled? Like I'm not quite good enough but he picked me anyway? I did like him a lot but after this I feel really weird about him. He's been messaging me as normal and wants another date but I've been giving him short answers and avoiding for the most part. I feel really deflated after plucking up the courage to get back out there.

If I was in your position I may have let the karate comment slide as its fair to say that at his age he probably wants more kids and wants to make sure the person he dates is on the same page although it is an odd way of putting it. The baggage comment is a red flag and I would not be considering continuing a relationship with someone who thinks kids are baggage.

I would block him. When I first get a whiff of weird, that's it! And that was definitely more than a whiff....

Sounds like negging.

Ewww wtf
fricking weirdo

and the fact you drove him

he’s a little boy
not a man

Honestly, I'm sure some men just think women are objects, there only to make them satisfied. And it sounds like he thinks he is above you. He's probably still young maturity wise and maybe thinking you are older. I would be well and truly put off if it was me. That's why, if I did ever date again, I'd been taking it very carefully and looking for someone close to my age. And I don't mean that funnily towards you, just you get weird men like that.

Red flags, red flags, red flags.

Throat punch him lol

Could he be indirectly trying to get answers for questions he's not comfortable asking directly?

If he has ADHD or anything similar there may be a reason for this. Obviously he might be a red flagger but don't jump the gun yet

I read this as him, in a very clumsy way, of asking if you also had worries of getting back into the dating scene despite having a child / children as he does. Maybe, it was a huge concern of his before he met you and he was looking for some kind of reassurance that he isn't the only one with this worry??
Regarding your karate, it could be his wish to have more children at a later date and is just thinking ahead.
Ask him why he ask those questions. You might be surprised.

You are not being unreasonable listening to your gut. When you have children choosing a new partner is too important to get it wrong.

That’s weird
karate question sounds like he’s got opinions on what you do in your spare time, and thinks he has a say in this
the baggage question … sounds like he’s making sure you know your place, you’re ‘lucky’ you bagged a bloke with all your baggage
cheeky fucker

Oh let me guess, he’s already played the victim and his ex isn’t allowing him to see his child, and she’s the worlds worst person… blah blah blah…. Now he’s been live bombing you and is now testing the waters to see what he can get away with asking…. You let the first comment go, shrugged it off… he was basically testing to see if you’d give up your karate for him…. It’s boring to do with having another baby… he doesn’t like you interacting with males there!!….. his comment about your children being baggage tells all - his poor co-parenting has nought to do with his ex and everything to do with him not wanting to see his child… I’d guess his ex is probably having to fight tooth and nail for financial support too!
You'd be wise to message him and tell him that he isn’t really what you’re looking for.

Bin this one! Now!

I turned 75 this week and have a satchel full of life experience that some people would call baggage. I don't. Think of it as your essential backpack to live your life.

I would think you might have a new addition.

Block delete move on. You deserve way better

Lucky escape here. You clearly felt he was out of order on date three and you now have 10 pages of people agreeing with you. Keep trying though. There are a few good men out there. Alas, this is not one of them. And you don’t have baggage. You just have a life.

Sounds like he's trying his hand at "negging" you. Avoid avoid

@vegetarianlouise you would tell your DD to go on another date with him and give him the benefit of the doubt??

The OP is 32, not 27. Not sure where you’re getting “multiple children” from either? The OP may have multiple children but based on your loose grasp of the facts, she’s probably in a better position to decide if she has time for men than you are.

obviously he meant my kids

OP, your gut seems to be telling something is amiss with this guy and I’d be inclined to trust it. No one who respects you is going to be subtly reminding you that he could do better, or making noises about how you spend your free time and how he sees that changing.

Fair point. As I said, the OP is 32 and I’d say old enough to know better than anyone else whether she’s ready for a man in her life

Oh come on
Clewrly there are people who have had such a horrible relationship history that it really does make them very vulnerable to utter dicks like this

and there is no harm in suggesting that instead of diving back in to dating, especially on the basis of you asking this about a date and indeed so frail that a dick like this managed to make you feel like shit, in enjoying single dom for a little bit and building up your confidence

you had to drop him off home after the date?

He was essentially telling her that if they had a child together he would want her to quit Karate! It is one thing to mention the idea of having children later on but to suggest someone will need to change a hobby or career in the process is outright ridiculous.
Saying he is clumsy or,as someone else suggested, has ADHD is absolutely no excuse for the comments he made.