To be slightly loving hearing my kids misbehave?

[Houghers]

I’m a SAHM. Dh appreciates what I do in the home but every now I will get an annoying comment like “well I’m the one getting up at 3 am tomorrow” (dh is a pilot). These comments are rare but they can sting when I perceive them to mean DH’s role/routine is of more importance than mine.

Anyway, dh has today off. He has said I can have the day to myself. I spent the morning out with my sister and am now in my robe ready to get in the bath and just deep condition EVERYTHING ahead of a meal out with friends.

Our bedroom has a Juliet balcony. I can hear the kids being absolute terrors for dh in the garden. They are normally quite easy going but it’s one of those days. And the dog is randomly being a bit of a handful as well. I can hear dh is stressed in his voice. He went out to the garden with his laptop and a coffee and neither have been touched.

He just asked my son “what’s going on with you today, mate?” 😂

Im in bed. Secretly loving the kids giving him a hard time

Two of the kids go to school/nursery (part time for one). But I always love when he gets an insight into what my life looks like.

his job IS more demanding than hers, no need to patronise the OP pretending otherwise.

It's not about respect, is it

Strange behaviour that you are gloating because your children haven’t been taught how to behave.

I think it's one thing to want your partner to be appreciative of what your day to day looks like (which op states her partner is plus he's come to her off his own bat and encouraged her to take a day to herself from how I've read it) and another to expect them to stay awake or compromise sleep etc when they have a life or death job. Would you be happy being operated on by an exhausted surgeon? Or jumping on a plane with a pilot who's had an hours sleep?

"A special big man job" is actually really misogynistic in this context. There are plenty of women out there who also work hard in life or death jobs where its essential they don't make mistakes who are supported by husband/ partner at home who takes the lead on the kids in order to protect the family income and enable the other persons career to continue.

What needs to happen here is a sit down between op and her dh and an honest look at how responsibilities are divided. But that has to happen in the context of a job that means her dh will need to prioritise sleep and at times won't be available in the way he would be if he did a different job. Another alternative if it's really not working is looking at the types of flights he's doing to see if he can be more available by switching.

I think it's one of the difficult things about being married to a pilot / surgeon / driver or other essential job where you're in control of the wellbeing and safety of others.

Ops job as a SAHM is difficult and intense. So is his. Another option is what can be outsourced utilising the benefit of his salary to make ops life a bit easier on the day to day. Allowing resentment to build and minimising the nature of his job isn't helpful to anyone.

But never mind him being in charge of lives, when the OP is a SAHM 😇😅

All of us on here who have kids manage perfectly well to look after our children (and be on MN at the same time clearly 😂)

I am the first to admit that most of us wouldn't be able to be a pilot.

It makes absolutely no difference if the SAH parent is male or female, and the pilot is the mum or dad. Of course the pilot job is more demanding.

I also think this type of thinking is problematic. There's absolutely zero win for anyone in this absolutist thinking.

This man has actually done what he's supposed to by acknowledging his wife's labour and encourages her to take some time to herself to prioritise her wellbeing, support her and note all she does. Does it make him a hero? Obviously not - but it does show that he is doing the things, as a husband and father, that he should be.

The example op has given is him saying he'll be the one getting up at stupid o'clock for work which op interprets as undermining. But to me it's ludicrous to pretend that doesn't matter. When I was on maternity I did the vast majority of night wakings because I needed my then husband to perform in work to pay our bills enabling me to have longer off and I also wanted him to be safe to drive there and back. Was it hard and frustrating being the one who had to do it- obviously. But it was the reality of being the one on maternity and the one breastfeeding. Both jobs are important but also carry with them differing levels of risk. I also was able to nap during the day when ds slept if I needed to. You can't take a nap at work. Op has also said these comments are very rare.

Well I for one have been in charge of small children 🤦‍♀️
The fact you use ‘bless his cotton socks’ tells me I won’t get anywhere replying to you so…..

The husband here has a tool called autopilot he can switch on to literally do his job for him

😂😂

this sentence alone should go in classics

Staggering, isn't it?!

Some of you seem to think flying a plane is terribly hard. It might be if you’re piloting the last plane out of a war zone. Magaluf, not so much.

that's why I love internet, these comments are priceless.

Just pressing autopilot? Yea ok. If that was the case it wouldn't take a PPL, 13 ATPL exams, an instrument rating, commercial pilot licence, multi engine rating, MCC and upset recovery prevention course, as well as a very decent level of maths and physics, and an intense interview to even get a job, never mind then getting a type rating to fly an A320.

Ask me how I know ...

I've also been a SAHM, years ago. It's way easier.

DH had DD for nearly four days just before she turned one, when I had a hen weekend I was socially obligated to attend (he fully agreed, fwiw).

He met me with DD at the station when I returned in the middle of the night, virtually threw her at me then ran down the platform for a wee, then told me he’d only averaged two pees per day whilst I was away and how did I manage? She was such a worryingly obedient baby/toddler, but he was utterly horrified by how hard looking after her and two cats alone was.

He has never, ever again asked me what I do all day, why I haven’t had time to clean or cook!