Need serious advice on animal

[EmmaL96]

hiya looking for some advice

I’m 29 with an 8 year old daughter we have a cat called Bella we love her very much and she’s 5 but she isn’t house trained for the 5 years that iv had her she’s always been a lovely affectionate cat but the issue is the whole 5 years id had her she’s always just done her own thing iv bought her loads of scratching posts and she never ever uses them instead she scratching the corner of the carpets scratches the couch beds etc she also will never use the little tray I even at one point had 2 litter trays for her and she still wouldn’t use them

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor iv tried everything making sure the litter tray is regularly clean so the cat will use it iv tried using scratching post sprays to entice her to use the scratching post iv used cat nip but she still wouldn’t use the scratching post

iv recently just move in with my patter of 9 months he’s not a cat person he’s only ever had 1 dog at the start he told me he would give the cat a try as he knows it’s my pet so wanted to be considerate to me but since wev moved in the cats just doing the same thing scratching everything not using her scratching post peeing and shitting on the floor now of course when she deos this I’ll clean it up straight away but my partner it’s getting majorly pissed off with it and it’s causing us to argue and he’s said the cat needs to go as he can’t deal with it anymore I do get where he’s coming from if it was the other way about I’d maybey feel the same

now I do beileve a cats for life and hurts me to let her go but the bigger problem I have is my 8 year old she’s absolutely loves the cat she has a strong bond with her and I know it will break her heart letting the cat go and I don’t want to upset her

I feel I’m stuck because my partners saying she needs to go as soon as and family are saying I should persevere and train her but she’s 5 she’s past the point of training plus iv tried to train her for years but she’s to stubborn and just deos her own thing and I’m just dreading upsetting my child but I know if I keep her it will cause problems with me and my partner I just don’t know what to do and I feel my family will give me stick for getting rid of her but this is a problem iv had with my cat for years even when I was single living on my own she would do it I tolerated because I love her but I know an animal shouldn’t do that in a house I did ask my mum if she would take her as she has cats but she’s not willing to and I feel it’s just out of stubborness

am I right for agreeing to rehome her or am I horrible to do that to my child

If he’s moved in to your house, just ask him to move out again, and seek vet advise about the cat, she may have a UTI.

You're right, not everyone is lucky enough to find the right one - however, you also do not have to move in with the person so soon with your child.

Yes, it’s insane when you have a young child to have lived with 2 different men in a period of 5 years.

It’s all relevant to your situation with your cat - your chaotic and stressful living environments are no good for a child or a cat. Your cat is toileting all over the house, but I can assure you that your daughter is just as stressed and traumatised, just hiding it better. Or you’re not able to pick up on subtle clues, and you only notice stress in your cat because there is physical evidence?

Moving in with someone after only 9 months and you have an 8 year old child is quite disturbing. You also mention that in a five year period you’ve lived with other partners!

Perhaps the cat is distressed at the revolving door of your love life at the stream of men coming to live with you and your daughter.

Get that man out of your home and focus on having a loving and stable home life with your daughter and the cat and only see men outside of your home on your own.

I successfully trained my 7 yo cat not to pick my new sofa after years of having given up on the old one. Initially he was only allowed in the room when I was there and everytime we went un I put a cat treat on top of the new scratching pole. 6 months on he still comes in, uses the scratching pole (and still looks for a treat) but we are weaning off those as he has gained weight. You can do it. Same with litter tray, you need to keep her in one room and as soon as she looks like going put her in the litter tray and reward when she gets it right.

I moved in with my now husband after 7 months - I had a 3 year old. We’ve been married 30 years now. He’s a fantastic husband and father. Not everyone is the same.

@EmmaL96
Can you answer whether you have/are taking the cat to the vet for a check up
Whether you've tried different litter types
Whether they have ever used the litter tray before if if they used to and then started rejecting it
Whether they have access to the outdoors and if they go to the toilet when they are outside and if they only have an accident when they don't have access

If you want people's advice, they need some information to work off

OP PLEASE get your cat checked by a vet - you’ve not confirmed this despite being asked many time.

DUMP the partner! Your child and cat comes first! That really should be obvious!

How are you cleaning the areas that the cat has toileted? Cats like to use a known toilet area, if you are not cleaning with a specialist product which has enzyme cleaning then even if you can't smell it. The cat can, and will repeatedly toilet there. So you need to do that first. If there is poo, try placing it into the litter tray and showing the cat the tray. Place the tray over the spot the cat toilets in.
As PP said, try some different litter types too.

There is some good advice that could help you here: https://icatcare.org/articles/soiling-indoors

Poor kid

Obviously this cat is doing this for a reason, you need to find out why. Wherever a cat wees or poos, no matter how much you clean, will leave a smell so will be repeated.

Can your cat go out or is she confined indoors? Not judging by the way, just asking.

What litter are you using? Have you tried different types?

Could you contain your cat in one room while you litter train them?

Is your cats food near the tray? They don't like to eat close to where they poo/wee.

Are there any stressful situations? Is your home noisy? Does your cat have a quiet place to rest?

These are just a few factors that could be causing your little one to pee in the wrong places. A check up at the vet would be a priority too to make sure she has no issues.

I couldn't live with someone who didn't respect my cats but I do understand this is a difficult situation. If she has always done it, maybe you just aren't compatible and a different home would be best (via a homing charity - not on Facebook!)

For goodness sake DONT spray the cat with water, it makes them very nervous and frightened and the soiling will get worse, for goodness sake!!

Your daughter should not be living with 3 different men already, she is only 8. The cat is the least of the things standing out from your posts.

Worked perfectly with my cats – they didn't become nervous.

I actually was giving you the benefit of the doubt here as the PP assumed you’d lived with three men in the last 5.5 years (which is what I said was insane) - your husband and then two subsequent partners, all while owning your 5 year old cat.

From the way OP has written her posts I'm under the impression it's her who's moved into the partner's homes. I have to confess though that I'm not clear whether this is partner no. 3 or 4 in total...

@EmmaL96 I assume you haven't yet taken your cat to the vet so that's the first thing you need to do in order to rule out any underlying medical condition. If my interpretation is correct and you've moved Bella (and your child) into other people's homes at least twice since you've had her then my money is on her being stressed and unsettled.

You say you've tried various methods but it can take months and months sometimes for any animal to feel secure and comfortable in their surroundings. If they're uprooted and moved somewhere new and unfamiliar every couple of years then the cycle starts again. They need consistency, stability and lots of patience. This is also true of children.

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor

How many live in partners have you had in the 5 years you have had the feral feline?! 🤔

It's genuinely shocking that you think it's acceptable to move your young daughter in with a man after nine months. You've also lived with another man in the past few years. And then there was your child's father. Seriously, think of your daughter. Her childhood should not be this unstable.

As for the cat, she needs a full physical exam with the vet. Does she seem stressed? How does she cope when you are at work?

Still no answers about the cat's history, whether it has outdoor access and whether it's seen regularly by the vet, or what the vet's advice is.

I reckon op is probably not coming back to the thread. She seemed more determined to respond about her love life choices than discuss the issues with the cat and getting help on resolving any issues there.
The only one she seemed to reply to was the least effort one. I'm wondering if she just wanted people to reply with 'don't feel bad about rehoming her Hun, she'll find another home, there's nothing you can do to sort the cat'

1. Take your cat to the vet to rule out anything medical that is causing her to eliminate outside of a litter tray.
2. Use Feliway or similar plug ins to help her feel less stressed, cats can get stressed about anything, even just a change of routine.
3. Try different litter types, tray types and tray locations. She may have a preference for clay, or wood pellets, or corn. Or she may prefer hooded litter trays. Or she may need a bigger tray to feel more comfortable (i.e. ones marketed to "XL" cats). Or you might have put the trays too close to other things she uses, like her food bowl, water or favourite basket. This part is very much trial and error with a huge dose of patience. You may need to initially put some of her pee or poo into a tray first, so she associates it with a toilet, but cats' instincts are pretty good and they should understand the point of a litter tray if they like the texture of the litter. Don't use scented because a cat's sense of smell is excellent and they often don't like the stuff that we think smells nice. For the same reason don't put the trays near things like candles or plug in air fresheners.
4. If literally nothing works and she has no clinical problems, see if the vet thinks it might be anxiety-related and if they suggest prescribing medication for it.

Good luck with finding a solution, I really do think you should stick with trying to resolve things with your cat you've had for 5 years rather than ditch her because a partner you've been with less than a year wants you to get rid.

Scratching posts won't help with inappropriate soiling.

Two litter boxes was a good idea. They should be in different places and well away from her food and water. Maybe the box is too small and she doesn't like that?

Scented litter can repel cats. What litter are you using? Have you tried different ones? Wood pellet litter is gentle on their feet.

How are you cleaning? Cat pee smell sticks, so if you don't clean it with pet specific cleaning products the cat will think it's the right place to pee. If she's toileting in the same kind of place every time, put the litter box there right on top of it. You can move it to a more convenient place once the cat learns to use it properly.

Most importantly: has the cat seen a vet about this issue? If not, she needs to. She could have a UTI, she could be incontinent.

Scratching posts won't help with inappropriate soiling.

They can do - it depends whether the soiling is a way of marking territory or whether it's just poor training. Cats toilet (and scratch) to leave their scent as well as for other reasons.