Need serious advice on animal

[EmmaL96]

hiya looking for some advice

I’m 29 with an 8 year old daughter we have a cat called Bella we love her very much and she’s 5 but she isn’t house trained for the 5 years that iv had her she’s always been a lovely affectionate cat but the issue is the whole 5 years id had her she’s always just done her own thing iv bought her loads of scratching posts and she never ever uses them instead she scratching the corner of the carpets scratches the couch beds etc she also will never use the little tray I even at one point had 2 litter trays for her and she still wouldn’t use them

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor iv tried everything making sure the litter tray is regularly clean so the cat will use it iv tried using scratching post sprays to entice her to use the scratching post iv used cat nip but she still wouldn’t use the scratching post

iv recently just move in with my patter of 9 months he’s not a cat person he’s only ever had 1 dog at the start he told me he would give the cat a try as he knows it’s my pet so wanted to be considerate to me but since wev moved in the cats just doing the same thing scratching everything not using her scratching post peeing and shitting on the floor now of course when she deos this I’ll clean it up straight away but my partner it’s getting majorly pissed off with it and it’s causing us to argue and he’s said the cat needs to go as he can’t deal with it anymore I do get where he’s coming from if it was the other way about I’d maybey feel the same

now I do beileve a cats for life and hurts me to let her go but the bigger problem I have is my 8 year old she’s absolutely loves the cat she has a strong bond with her and I know it will break her heart letting the cat go and I don’t want to upset her

I feel I’m stuck because my partners saying she needs to go as soon as and family are saying I should persevere and train her but she’s 5 she’s past the point of training plus iv tried to train her for years but she’s to stubborn and just deos her own thing and I’m just dreading upsetting my child but I know if I keep her it will cause problems with me and my partner I just don’t know what to do and I feel my family will give me stick for getting rid of her but this is a problem iv had with my cat for years even when I was single living on my own she would do it I tolerated because I love her but I know an animal shouldn’t do that in a house I did ask my mum if she would take her as she has cats but she’s not willing to and I feel it’s just out of stubborness

am I right for agreeing to rehome her or am I horrible to do that to my child

What's old school about moving in a new man with you and your minor daughter when you've not even been together a year?

But yet you repeatedly ignore the question of whether you have been to the vet?

Since you’re so ”old school” did you each of these men?

You could have been with a different man every day and providing your daughter wasn't involved it would be absolutely fine.

Moving someone in you've been with 9 months is just not acceptable, your daughter shouldn't have met them yet let alone be living with them. You need to safeguard your child.

Next post from OP will be about how expensive vet fees are 🙄

Has the cat had all its vaccinations and is it up to date with flea and worm treatments?

My 16 year old cat whom I adopted when she was 11 sprayed all over the house for a good couple of years until I got the kitten. Now she's stopped completely and uses her litter tray.
It turns out she was scared on her own when I went out to work and the kitten gave her the security she needed.
The younger cat now no longer a kitten is also fiercely territorial and keeps next door's cats out of the house and away from the catflap so the old girl is no longer scared.
There is usually a good reason for poor toileting. I can't help you with the scratching though I'm afraid they both scratch everything, I do keep their claws trimmed though and that reduces it.

Op, leaving the cat aside for a moment, it’s really not normal to live with these ‘partners’ in what is actually a short period of time.

With the cat, she needs to see a vet. It’s really unusual for cats to do that. Does she go outside? One of ours refused to go in the litter tray, preferring going outside. Both current cats like to scratch on fences or trees as well as the posts we have.

Poor thing could be stressed too. Have you tried a Feliway plugin? We used one when we got cat2 (very long story - we never intended to have more than one!) as cat1 was a bit discombobulated. Worked really well.

Why didn't you tell your partner the cat was not house trained before you moved in? A cat peeing and shitting everywhere in the home is simply unacceptable and it is incredible that you have tolerated it at all. The cat should be rehomed to be an outdoor cat with a garden.

Are you moving in with every partner and the cat is moving house too? How many times have you lived in 5 years? Maybe the cat (and your daughter) needs a bit more stability and one house so it can get to grips with where it should go to the toilet.
I don’t know what to say about your current situation of moving in with your partner of 9 months as I think you’ll end up getting rid of the cat anyway

And that's what happens with single individuals owning pets. They often get in the bloody way when dating. You must realise this will happen again in the future. So either get rid of it or realise you will have to learn to be content with being single.

I agree and little although wouldn't quite word it like that.

Cats are notoriously clean animals so the fact she is doing this would point to a possible physical issue. Vet would be my first point of call.

However , as others have said OP the pet would/indeed should feature way higher than a BF you've not long met.

To focus on your cat here.

Is your cat let outside ever? I can’t seem to see the answer.

Cat’s don’t want to toilet inside the house. It’s a distress signal when they do.

Also they find much better things to scratch outside generally.

So either it’s desperate to be an outside cat or it might have something of a heath issue.

Also you can try soil or a wedge of grass in the litter tray and that’s it’s natural environment to toilet in.

Please also bear in mind that a cat is tiny compared to the humans in the house and therefore very vulnerable if it can't escape outside. If one or more of the adults hates the cat the cat will know and stress can also cause poor toileting.
I've taken on several incontinent cats over the years and have managed to get all of them clean, sacrificing a lot of furniture along the way, and there is always a very good reason that they do what they do, trauma, physical illness, stress, loneliness, not enough playtime or treats, the list goes on.

Christ.

@EmmaL96 I've trained strays to use cat litter trays before
Obviously not a bad thing to get them checked over at the vet but I would also try the following

Stop trying to get them to go in clay or scented litter, it may be that they don't like it

I would put some soil in the litter tray and top up with wood litter, slowly start using less and less soil and more wood litter. Sometimes you need to use their instincts to your advantage
If they don't like soil or wood, try paper litter

In regards to scratching furniture, some are just a pain in the arse for that to be honest and if you are making scratch posts available in all rooms, encouraging them to scratch the scratch posts them you're just going to have to protect the furniture as best you can

It might be that the litter tray is too clean. When she has an accident put it onto the litter tray so it starts to get her scent, you do seem to have attracted some odd answers here from people who clearly lead unblemished perfect lives…

Get the corner scratch protectors off Amazon and put them where she likes to scratch. They’ll stop any more damage.

Thank you that’s what I thought a lot of people judging me as the saying goes don’t judge a book by its cover but yeah I’ll try that thank you

Hi,
Has your cat been seen by a vet, if nothing is physically wrong with it, it could be a behavioural problem it adapted.
A sign could be if it toilets in the same spot(s) around your house.
Ofcourse you clean the cats toiletting, but the cat smells itself through any cleaning product and "does" it again.
What helped my cat (coincidental, as we were moving house) was a one week stay at a cat pension.
She learned from the other cats what the litter tray is for and never did it in the wrong place again at home.
You could use the time its away to clean your house with odour neutralising products.
(Our cat came back in a new house, so no odours yet)
To us it was money well spent.😄

First off, the cat needs to see a vet for a full health check.

Second, have you tried different types of litter and litter tray, and does your cat have free access to the outdoors?

Where are the litter trays located? Cats prefer a private spot to toilet, rather than well trafficked areas. Are these litter trays covered or just a box with litter? If they are covered, you could try to remove the cover. If they are not covered, you could try to replace them with trays with a cover.

Also, you need at least two. Always have at least one more tray than you have cats.

What about the rest of the house? Does your cat have enough places to crawl away or to observe the room from up high? Some high perches throughout the house and some places to crawl away for peace, can do wonders for a cat.

Also, a vet visit if the cat just relieves itself in the middle of the room, because that it not normal behavior and suggests medical problems.

As for stress. I realize you said you have had only two partners in the last 5 years and lived with both, your husband and now your boyfriend. But that implies you have moved house at least 3 times in five years. Moving house is incredibly stressful for a cat.

I would recommend not living with a partner for at least the next 5 years. You'll give your cat and child time to settle. Date if you want, but don't keep uprooting the whole household every couple of years for a relationship. That's incredibly stressful and unsettling, especially for cats.

You clearly don’t take it to the vet as you keep ignoring everyone who has asked. On that basis, I’m not sure you are the best owner for her.

Have you mentioned this to the vet when she’s been for booster vaccinations / check ups? As others comment, it’s likely to be stress or a medical issue. Cats are very clean animals, if she’s going outside of the litter box she’s either trying to tell you something or she’s got an underlying medical problem.

How tall are the scratching posts and how long is your cat? – this matters.

You've tried enticing her to do what you want her to do, but have you tried deterring her? Yes, behaviours really settle in, but at the end of the day, cats learn from repeated unpleasant/pleasant experiences.

Citrus deterrent spray on what you want her to avoid scratching
Water bottle spray on her when she does the things you don't want her to – during or immediately afterwards