Need serious advice on animal

[EmmaL96]

hiya looking for some advice

I’m 29 with an 8 year old daughter we have a cat called Bella we love her very much and she’s 5 but she isn’t house trained for the 5 years that iv had her she’s always been a lovely affectionate cat but the issue is the whole 5 years id had her she’s always just done her own thing iv bought her loads of scratching posts and she never ever uses them instead she scratching the corner of the carpets scratches the couch beds etc she also will never use the little tray I even at one point had 2 litter trays for her and she still wouldn’t use them

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor iv tried everything making sure the litter tray is regularly clean so the cat will use it iv tried using scratching post sprays to entice her to use the scratching post iv used cat nip but she still wouldn’t use the scratching post

iv recently just move in with my patter of 9 months he’s not a cat person he’s only ever had 1 dog at the start he told me he would give the cat a try as he knows it’s my pet so wanted to be considerate to me but since wev moved in the cats just doing the same thing scratching everything not using her scratching post peeing and shitting on the floor now of course when she deos this I’ll clean it up straight away but my partner it’s getting majorly pissed off with it and it’s causing us to argue and he’s said the cat needs to go as he can’t deal with it anymore I do get where he’s coming from if it was the other way about I’d maybey feel the same

now I do beileve a cats for life and hurts me to let her go but the bigger problem I have is my 8 year old she’s absolutely loves the cat she has a strong bond with her and I know it will break her heart letting the cat go and I don’t want to upset her

I feel I’m stuck because my partners saying she needs to go as soon as and family are saying I should persevere and train her but she’s 5 she’s past the point of training plus iv tried to train her for years but she’s to stubborn and just deos her own thing and I’m just dreading upsetting my child but I know if I keep her it will cause problems with me and my partner I just don’t know what to do and I feel my family will give me stick for getting rid of her but this is a problem iv had with my cat for years even when I was single living on my own she would do it I tolerated because I love her but I know an animal shouldn’t do that in a house I did ask my mum if she would take her as she has cats but she’s not willing to and I feel it’s just out of stubborness

am I right for agreeing to rehome her or am I horrible to do that to my child

how many times has your cat moved house in 5 years. Was she bought as a kitten, or was she a rescue who was already an adult with a litter problem?

Can you confine the dcat to one place until it masters the litter tray? Try ones with a hood /without and different litter.. Lots of enticing scratch posts where you sprinkle catnip on.

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners

You've had her five years, been with your current boyfriend 9m, say one of them was your daughter's father, and yet 'all my relationships' 'partners' implies several?

Just how many times have you expected your cat, and your child, to move in with random men you've been with a year or less? The poor cat is probably stressed, have you always moved men in with you and out again, or moved the three of you in with a guy or to a new place?

So much upheaval I'm not surprised your poor cat is doing this. One of mine is completely toilet trained yet will sometimes do a stress wee on the carpet if we're more than an hour late back from work or have friends over, they're so timid and easily spooked. They can't help it.

Can you give more detail on types of litter tried? And agree some cats need a private quiet spot with a lidded tray.

no, I wouldn’t give up my cat especially when you’re introducing a potential new step dad and if this guy is any good, he would understand your dd loves that animal. And the animal has been a constant for her entire life that she can remember.

it’s a tough issue, change your name, and post just about cat litter issues on the cat board @EmmaL96 x

id like to clarify iv only lived with 3 partners in 9 years one of which was my daughters dad the other 2 I took my time with allowed my daughter to meet them loads of times and get to know them before I moved in with them all these people judging how many partners have yous all had ?? This post was about my cat the judgment is absolutely disgusting and shocking I’m a respectful person I look after my child fulltime and she has everything she needs and lives in a clean home

and when my cat deos the toilet it gets cleaned up straight away the issue I have is I have a litter tray and scratching post and she won’t use either I even had to litter trays at one point if I was a “scruffy “ person there wouldn’t be any litter tray but I’m not a scruffy person

You have tried everything you can, with the scratching posts, litter trays, etc. It hasn't worked.

So: You NEED to take her to a vet.

Cats are inherently clean animals, and she will not be doing this for no reason. You owe it to her as her guardian to get her checked out, as soon as possible.

You can’t see the link between your cat littering everywhere and the potential stress of several different men in the house? It’s very relevant.

What has the vet said? Because obviously as a responsible cat owner you’ve taken her to the vets right?

Why aren’t you answering the question I asked right st the start? Have you taken her to the vet?

1. Cats do not necessarily have to be trained, they like to do their business in places where they can dig in soft soil so the litter tray at home is usually the first choice.
2. Not using the litter tray can be caused by many factors, such as: wrong type of sand, tray in the wrong place, stress, kidney problems. Cats are pro at hiding pain, so you don’t necessarily see that the cat has uti/kidney issues and has started associating the litter box with pain.
3. If the cat goes to the toilet outside the box cleaning is not enough. Cats have much better sense of smell than us and they can smell particles of urine, and are likely to return to that place. You need a special spray/liquid that neutralises the smell.
4. Cats are territorial animals. They are attached to places, sometimes more than to people. Scratching is a territorial behaviour, your cat is marking the territory. If you want her to scratch a designated post, it needs to be placed somewhere the cat finds attractive. Scratching can be also a sign that the cat doesn’t feel safe in the house and is marking it constantly to make it feel better for her. Can she move vertically? Think high resting spots, like furniture or wall shelves. My cats love to sit on the kitchen fan hood…

I really recommend resources such as International Cat Care: icatcare.org to learn a bit more about your cat’s behaviour. And a vet checkup.

Take Bella to the vet. Hope everything works out OK for her because it’s not nice seeing animals in distress/pain 😥

My cat refuses to poo in his litter tray although he does wee in it. I use puppy pads that I put next to his tray and he poos on those (and then folds the paper round it like a little parcel). Is that something you could try if she always goes to the toilet in the same place?

It’s true you can also get washable puppy pads ok Amazon so you don’t have to keep buying them.

What different litter have you tried? Scented litter can be very off putting to cats. I had a cat who went on the floor inside (rarely) but usually on the patio in the catio. I changed to a different litter when he was 5 (had tried a few types before then with no luck) and he has not been outside the litter tray since. So it is totally possible. You might want to try changing where the trays are as well. Good luck, don’t give up on your sweet cat

You may have allowed your daughter to meet them loads of times but moving someone in after 9 months is really not great for a kid. Its not exactly taking your time either. Most people wouldn't even have had their kids meet a new boyfriend after 9 months never mind moving in with them. From your child's point of view she has lived with 3 different males including her father in her 8 years. That's got to be having an impact on her as well.
As far as the cat goes tbey really like a stable environment and need time and a lot of patience to adjust.

Agree I had a cat who hated clay litter - she liked the wood pellets.

This. Never mind the cat, the child isn't going to be well adjusted if they've lived with multiple men during their 8 years on this earth. It'll only be worse if you take away the one constant she has known, her beloved pet.

This. He's moved in after 9 months and is dictating that you get rid of the cat after promising to 'try it out'. One might say that 9 months isn't nearly enough time for you both to be trying each other out, getting ready to move in together, never mind overcome the seriousness of a wholly untrained cat. How can he not have seen/experienced how awful it was before he moved into your home? Or was he being evicted and desperate for somewhere to live, and is now throwing his weight around and demanding you get rid now he's literally got his foot in the door?

That said, I don't know how you've tolerated an untrained cat for so long. Ours used to scratch the carpet outside the bedroom and this has now been replaced after he died, but your house must reek of cat piss op.

Vet to see if anything can be done about the cat, but bin the boyfriend cocklodger who thinks he owns the place now

So when you say:

"this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor"

You mean this has caused problem in one previous relationship and is now causing a problem in this current relationship.

That's not quite the same sentiment as "caused problems in all my relationships".

With all due respect, you need to be referring your cat to the vet for advice surely? I would prioritise that over your partner for 2 reasons:

1. Your daughter in your own words, is strongly bonded to the cat
2. You seem to have had a few unsuccessful relationships so there’s a good chance your poor daughter could lose her beloved pet for nothing if this relationship fails also.

I've had the issue with cat peeing on carpets (and hard floors) in the past. With more than one cat (at various times). They were at the vets a few times trying to find out the cause. Tests were all clear with each cat. To cut a long story short, one of the vets told me to put the cat on Cystophan for cats (Protexin). Have you heard of it OP? X

Well saying all my relationships is me implying the ones iv been in I never once implied that iv had “multiple endless lists “ of partners that’s what people have took from what iv said so what iv said has been taking out of context

I think there's another guy in between the father of her child, and the one she's just shacking up with after nine months. Moving in after nine months when you have a small child! Insanity.

Does the cat have a particular place she likes to poo? Is she an indoor cat?
my female can be a bit of nightmare for random poos mainly in the winter as she doesn’t like the cold ! But also as another cat was terrorising her so she wouldn’t go out.
we put down aluminium foil on the area she was using (they don’t like walking on it)
if she likes a particular spot, could you put the litter tray there temporarily until she gets used to it?

I know they often poo where they feel safe. I would take her the vet and get advice. You could also try feelaway if it’s a stress issue.
good luck. I’ve always had cats and never really had to train them which is good as they are not really trainable !

Generally, @EmmaL96 you’re getting the reactions because you’re thinking of giving up your dc’s beloved pet because it comes across that the new man doesn’t like it. It’s not prioritising your dc’s stability.

good luck with it all - I’ve said what I think about keeping the cat and getting better advice on reforming her. Also, she’s 5, cats do slow down and scratch a bit less as they get older!

The cat is stressed about the changing environment. Cats hate change - new people, new places - and show it by peeing everywhere. Without judgement, how many new men have there been in 5 years? A cat can easily take 6-12 months to adapt to any change at all. If that repeats it becomes an entrenched habit.

Agree with the lady who said try wood pellets - I’ve found these much nicer for longer than clumping litter. Also confine cat to one small room with the litter tray - kitchen or bathroom. If they go in the room they will have to live with it until you come and they hate being dirty. Also does the cat go out? If not, letting them out might fix the while thing.