Need serious advice on animal

[EmmaL96]

hiya looking for some advice

I’m 29 with an 8 year old daughter we have a cat called Bella we love her very much and she’s 5 but she isn’t house trained for the 5 years that iv had her she’s always been a lovely affectionate cat but the issue is the whole 5 years id had her she’s always just done her own thing iv bought her loads of scratching posts and she never ever uses them instead she scratching the corner of the carpets scratches the couch beds etc she also will never use the little tray I even at one point had 2 litter trays for her and she still wouldn’t use them

this has caused problems in all my relationships as when iv lived with partners theyv got majorly pissed off because the cats scratched furniture carpets and did the toilet on the floor iv tried everything making sure the litter tray is regularly clean so the cat will use it iv tried using scratching post sprays to entice her to use the scratching post iv used cat nip but she still wouldn’t use the scratching post

iv recently just move in with my patter of 9 months he’s not a cat person he’s only ever had 1 dog at the start he told me he would give the cat a try as he knows it’s my pet so wanted to be considerate to me but since wev moved in the cats just doing the same thing scratching everything not using her scratching post peeing and shitting on the floor now of course when she deos this I’ll clean it up straight away but my partner it’s getting majorly pissed off with it and it’s causing us to argue and he’s said the cat needs to go as he can’t deal with it anymore I do get where he’s coming from if it was the other way about I’d maybey feel the same

now I do beileve a cats for life and hurts me to let her go but the bigger problem I have is my 8 year old she’s absolutely loves the cat she has a strong bond with her and I know it will break her heart letting the cat go and I don’t want to upset her

I feel I’m stuck because my partners saying she needs to go as soon as and family are saying I should persevere and train her but she’s 5 she’s past the point of training plus iv tried to train her for years but she’s to stubborn and just deos her own thing and I’m just dreading upsetting my child but I know if I keep her it will cause problems with me and my partner I just don’t know what to do and I feel my family will give me stick for getting rid of her but this is a problem iv had with my cat for years even when I was single living on my own she would do it I tolerated because I love her but I know an animal shouldn’t do that in a house I did ask my mum if she would take her as she has cats but she’s not willing to and I feel it’s just out of stubborness

am I right for agreeing to rehome her or am I horrible to do that to my child

This sounds like a really difficult situation. Have you spoken to the vet about it? Maybe contact cats protection or other cat organisation that may be able to give you free advice. I have to say, I think you owe it to your cat and your child (who loves your cat) to throw everything at this and really try to make it work. You've not been with this man that long - he cant just move in and start making demands. Doesn't bode well. He should be working with you to find a solution, knowing how your daughter feels.

What does your vet say? Cats need to be taken to the vets every year for a check up.

Yes, but cat piss stinks like nothing else. I dont blame your mum not taking her on either, I certainly wouldn't

Not sure of the solution, but I couldn't live like that

Sadly it's the thing that jumped out at me too 😪

Please don’t let you daughter live with anymore partners.
I’m a teacher and we see children having to go through so much change due to parents relationships.

The cat might just not be suited to indoor living. Some cats would get bored with that and they then act the way your cat is acting. Can you let it be an outdoor cat instead?

Agree with everyone else though, moving your child and cat im with new men that often is not going to be very good for either of them and this new bloke is far too new to be even consider living with. I'm surprised your child has even met them at this point. You need to put your need of living with a man far below the need to supply a settled environment for your child and pet.

since you have ignored me twice, I assume you haven’t been to the vets which is neglectful.

I don't know if I've missed this but is the cat indoor only or does it go out?

If the former then maybe it doesn't want to be a house cat.

If the latter then yanno, some animals like humans are just arseholes. Your partner doesn't want to live with an animal who toilets where it wants. So you have a choice to make.

You're not answering any questions about whether the cat goes outside or has been seen by a vet. Stop focussing on the comments about partners and respond to the people asking questions about the cat if that's the help you actually want!

We take our cat to the vets every year for checkup and boosters. What has the vet said about this behaviour?

Firstly, rehoming her is going to be pretty much impossible. Your only real option is to give her to a charity. Please do not give her to anyone other than a charity as sadly there is a reasonably high chance she will be used as a bait animal (and it does happen that lovely seeming people turn up wanting to rehome your cat and then the second they have it, it's used for bait 😞)

Secondly, you say 'at one point you had 2 litter trays for her'. Can you go back to that? Two litter trays and put a different type of litter in each (mine only like the fullers earth/clay 'clumping' type litter but some may prefer the other type and then put them in the area where she is most often toiletting. Whilst you're trying to get her to use them I'd make them as easy to use as possible and would keep them open for the moment rather than using a covered one.

Has she never used the litter tray? It may well be that she just doesn't realise that's what they are there for. I would put a couple of litter trays out (one in each area she's using for her toilet) and, when she goes to the loo, if she does a wee on a hard surface, I'd put some litter on it to soak up as much of the wee as possible and put that in the litter tray so it smells of her, ditto putting a poo in there too so it smells of her. Then when you clean up the place she went to the toilet outside the litter tray, if you use a little dash of Zooflora in the final rinse water, that tends to kill the smell of the urine/poo as if you don't get rid of the scent, she will just think it's a toiletting area and continue to use it. If she goes on the same spot/s repeatedly, try putting a litter tray on top of it. Obviously if she does start to use the litter tray then do keep it clean by cleaning it once or twice a day as she may not like digging in a soiled area, which is why she's going on your nice clean floors!

She isn't too old to train. Cat charities frequently have much older strays in and they are litter trained before they rehome them. It may also be worth asking your local cat charities if they have any suggestions on how you can get her litter trained but I think you will get there in the end if you are consistent and really have a go at it. Good luck!!

p.s., I'd concentrate on the litter training at the moment and just live with the scratching :)

I think we need some more background info so we can try and help.

• Can you give some background on how you got her?
• How old was she?
• Was she with her mum until you got her?
• Was she initially litter tray trained and has stopped using it or has she never used it?
• Has she been to the vet for a full check up?

To all the people saying cats need to go out, that is not the issue. We've had about 11 indoor cats over the years and never had toileting problems aside from when one had cystitis.

Try to avoid scented litter. A lot of cats and dogs have an aversion to strong smells. Also make sure the litter tray is in a very quiet corner of the house where the cat can have privacy. An issue like this can start because the cat is being disturbed by a child or a dog when it uses the tray.

Your cat is either stressed or unwell.
Look on Blue Cross, RSPCA or Cats Protection League websites for advice on cats that soil indoors. Take the cat to the vet to rule out physical problems.
And send the boyfriend back to his own place. When he moved in he should have realised he was taking on you, your daughter AND your cat. It's likely his hostility is making the poor cat worse.

It’s not clean with a cat who isn’t house trained

I assumed she got the cat after the father of her child moved out - otherwise in the less than 5 years since she separated with the kids dad she’s lived with two partners and that seemed insane.

Have you taken the cat to the vet?
How have you tried to train them? Leaving litter trays around is not enough...
Are they indoor only?

Without answering these, no one can help you with the cat issue.

A boyfriend of 9 months shouldn’t be living with your daughter. Considering you’ve said previous partners have lived with you since the cats been with you that will be (at least) the third man in the space of 5 years to move into the home.

Continue dating and keep that life separate from your home life for the sake of your daughter.

It definitely can be the issue. We don't know if OP got the cat from kitten or if it was already an outdoor cat that she has made to be an indoor cat. We also don't know how much stimulation the cat gets indoors. If the cat is left home alone all day when they are at school-work then it may well be bored senseless, especially since it's still a young cat.

I would get her checked by a vet, to be honest. We’ve had multiple cats since childhood and they all took to the litter trays straight away, generally cats are quite hygienic animals.
Is it a cat that comes in and out of the house? Maybe that’s why it can’t understand where to go? All my cats were indoor cat. We’ve had to rehome only once when I was very little, he just wasn’t possible to domesticate - maybe yours is like that? He had come from a farm.

Regarding the other subject, people are giving you a bit of flack because 3 partners in 9 years would still come out as a new partner moving in every 3 years. Obviously you’re the mother, but I’d put some brakes on that too for your child.

What has your vet said?

What is your preferred outcome? If you want to keep the cat and your partner ( it sounds as if you’ve moved into his house?) and indeed, your home, then you have to start with the vet and get professional advice.

Regardless of cleaning the house will stink. My old cat became incontinent in extreme old age and it was awful. I had to get the carpet and underlay changed when she finally died. Cleaning does not remove the smell.

If the vet can’t help and this is ingrained behaviour then you essentially have two choices: live with the cat and the results or have her put to sleep. Nobody will rehome her. If you choose to keep her then at least restrict her access to most of the house and install hard floors.

I think it depends whose house it is. If it is your house then your daughter should come first and the cat stays. Take her to the vet.

If you live in your partner house then he has a point ....

Ectopic ureters are a thing in dogs, can't remember if in cats too. PU/PD? Etc etc
Has the cat seen the vet for this?

If not organic disease, then possibly psychological for which there are some medications.

Diagnosis costs money.
Decide your financial and emotional limits and make a decision. Only you know which end of the tether, so to speak, you are at.

Really that seems insane to have lived with 2 partners in 5 and a half years I’d like to clarify that im not one these people that jump from relationship to relationship im old school when it comes to love and when i lived with my first partner after my daughters dad I believed that was going to be a longterm relationship and that was my Intentions but he cheated and betrayed me which wasn’t my fault and that’s what led to it ending not everything gets there happy ending and ends up being with the same partner for 30 0r 40 years I always wished that was the case but that wasn’t the case for me unfortunately but people seem to more focused on that

my post was about addressing the issue with my cat and trying to understand after reading a lot of the comments I know realise there could be something underlining with my cat which I wasn’t educated on I just thought my cat just didn’t want to use the litter tray