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Original poster

DP being insensitive about not proposing, or is it me?

121 replies

Marathonagain · 20/08/2025 20:35

I’ve been with my DP 4 years, we have a house and a baby.

He knows marriage is important to me and has always said he wants this too. But in the past year he has been more vague and casual on the subject whenever asked.

He had a friend round yesterday, they were discussing people they used to go to College with and haven’t seen for years. One girl was mentioned and my DP said he’d seen her out last year and that she has ‘aged well and unsurprisingly has been wifed off’.

His friend then mentioned someone DP was seeing many years ago. His response was basically ‘yeah we were never suited, she was not going to be marriage material. She gave a cracking blow job though’ and both of them started laughing.

His comments just make me feel like I’m not good enough to be married. The pretty girl obviously is ‘wifed off’ as he put it and the girl only good enough for a sexual favour isn’t.

Am I being over sensitive or is he a prick?

OP posts:
MonetsLilac · 20/08/2025 20:39

Bloody hell. That's a vile conversation. What an attitude to women 🙄.
There's a lot going on here. You don't need a "proposal". Discuss marriage and when it's going to happen. If he is non committal, ask why. Although, I think his attitude would put me right off.

Petrolitis · 20/08/2025 20:43

Why would you want to marry such a sexist cunt?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 20/08/2025 20:43

Your partner sounds vile and to be blunt, if he thought you were marriage material (to him) he would have married you by now. Get rid of him and I promise you there will be another guy who can’t wait to marry you.

Ballykissmangle · 20/08/2025 20:44

What a horrid conversation. I’m not sure I’d be marrying him even if he asked.

Daisyvodka · 20/08/2025 20:45

Why do you want to marry someone who makes such sexist horrible comments?

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 20:46

Has this got anything to do with most of the assets/house being in his name?

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2025 20:46

The blow job thing is utterly disgusting. I can’t believe he said that in front of you.

On the marriage thing, you can’t claim it’s that important to you if you did the house and the baby first. You just can’t. If it was really important you’d have insisted on doing it ages ago, not waited around for a proposal like a Victorian damsel. Presumably the house and baby were joint decisions you played an equal part in, but for some bizarre reason you’ve left marriage up to him? Why? It’s another big mutual decision, not a gift he bestows on you when you’re good enough ffs.

I mean, it’s too late now and he’s clearly a raging misogynist so in your shoes I’d dump him and move on. Hopefully your name is on the house and the baby has your surname?

NightPuffins · 20/08/2025 20:49

Do yourself a huge favour and don’t marry him. He sounds like 13 year old boy!

Original poster
Marathonagain · 20/08/2025 20:50

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 20:46

Has this got anything to do with most of the assets/house being in his name?

The house is equally owned and we have our own savings of relatively similar sizes.

When we last spoke about it he thinks we need to bring in more money (I earn quite a bit less than him so that’s his not so subtle way of saying I should get a better job) but it just seems to be one excuse after another.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 20/08/2025 20:51

You shouldn’t aspire to marry someone like him. You can do a lot better.

BCBird · 20/08/2025 20:52

What a dick head making such a sexist comment. If he says that in front of you, what does he say whren you are not there? Why marry him?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/08/2025 20:53

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2025 20:46

The blow job thing is utterly disgusting. I can’t believe he said that in front of you.

On the marriage thing, you can’t claim it’s that important to you if you did the house and the baby first. You just can’t. If it was really important you’d have insisted on doing it ages ago, not waited around for a proposal like a Victorian damsel. Presumably the house and baby were joint decisions you played an equal part in, but for some bizarre reason you’ve left marriage up to him? Why? It’s another big mutual decision, not a gift he bestows on you when you’re good enough ffs.

I mean, it’s too late now and he’s clearly a raging misogynist so in your shoes I’d dump him and move on. Hopefully your name is on the house and the baby has your surname?

Of course it can be important to her despite not doing things in the traditional order, it’s not the 1950s.

YourWinter · 20/08/2025 20:53

I’m baffled that you (or anyone) would want to marry a man who is so revolting, unkind, misogynistic and disrespectful. It teaches the next generation of girls to be grateful for what crumbs they can pick up. Ugh

Berlinlover · 20/08/2025 20:54

I can’t believe they had this conversation in front of you. How old are you?

Chairings · 20/08/2025 20:54

He sounds like low class scum.
You have a child with this loser?

What a way to speak about women.....and you want to marry him?
Raise your bar.

MayaPinion · 20/08/2025 20:57

When a man wants to marry you, you know. They’re really not that complicated. He talks about it positively, he talks about your joint future as husband and wife, and of course he asks you - enthusiastically. Your DP doesn’t want to marry you. What you do with that information is up to you.

Poopeepoopee · 20/08/2025 21:01

Did he make that blow job commet in front of you? Do you mind me asking how old the 3 of you are?

Cassertta · 20/08/2025 21:01

He’s scum so why do you want to marry him and spend years putting up with this shit and showing your child it’s acceptable?

MonetsLilac · 20/08/2025 21:05

YourWinter · 20/08/2025 20:53

I’m baffled that you (or anyone) would want to marry a man who is so revolting, unkind, misogynistic and disrespectful. It teaches the next generation of girls to be grateful for what crumbs they can pick up. Ugh

Edited

I agree. Talk about a low bar.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 20/08/2025 21:06

Petrolitis · 20/08/2025 20:43

Why would you want to marry such a sexist cunt?

Yep, bloody grim arsehole!

TheSlantedOwl · 20/08/2025 21:07

What a gross man. Please don’t beg to shackle yourself to this sexist dickhead.

Catsbreakfast · 20/08/2025 21:07

If marriage is so important, why have a baby before you’re married? You put yourself in a bad position. Too late now but let that be a cautionary tale. “Wife’s off” - women are not cattle. Aim higher than this loser.

MonetsLilac · 20/08/2025 21:08

It's very important that you work on 2 things; your self esteem and your plan to leave.

MakeMineADietCoke · 20/08/2025 21:08

Why would he bother marrying you? You’ve got the house and kid - generally speaking men stand to lose more in the event of a divorce and that’s where his seedy, misogynistic little brain has gone.

he’s going to make excuse after excuse why now isn’t the right time for marriage until you stop asking

Fleur405 · 20/08/2025 21:10

Wow he is disgusting. HE is not good enough to be married.