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Original poster

DP being insensitive about not proposing, or is it me?

121 replies

Marathonagain · 20/08/2025 20:35

I’ve been with my DP 4 years, we have a house and a baby.

He knows marriage is important to me and has always said he wants this too. But in the past year he has been more vague and casual on the subject whenever asked.

He had a friend round yesterday, they were discussing people they used to go to College with and haven’t seen for years. One girl was mentioned and my DP said he’d seen her out last year and that she has ‘aged well and unsurprisingly has been wifed off’.

His friend then mentioned someone DP was seeing many years ago. His response was basically ‘yeah we were never suited, she was not going to be marriage material. She gave a cracking blow job though’ and both of them started laughing.

His comments just make me feel like I’m not good enough to be married. The pretty girl obviously is ‘wifed off’ as he put it and the girl only good enough for a sexual favour isn’t.

Am I being over sensitive or is he a prick?

OP posts:
GreyAreas · 20/08/2025 21:11

He's not marriage material

Butchyrestingface · 20/08/2025 21:11

His friend then mentioned someone DP was seeing many years ago. His response was basically ‘yeah we were never suited, she was not going to be marriage material. She gave a cracking blow job though’ and both of them started laughing.

That is absolutely repulsive.

In most cases, the MN stock advice is that you should marry first, then have a baby. There's little incentive for your partner to marry you, if he's not so inclined, since you are already living together, having sex, and you have a child together.

In your particular case though, I'd say it's a good thing you're not married. That's one less thing you'll have to untangle when you finally wake up and smell the coffee regarding who you've set your cap at.

IOSTT · 20/08/2025 21:12

He is a prick.

Merryoldgoat · 20/08/2025 21:14

Why is the bar so low? You should see this man for the slime he is.

My DH would never say something like that in front of me. I doubt he’d say it privately either.

Zezet · 20/08/2025 21:22

He doesn't want to marry you.
The choice to have a baby with someone if you also wanted marriage was probably not very strategic.
You chose a horrible father for your child!

The comments are really the very least of your problems.

EveningSpread · 20/08/2025 21:24

He sounds awful, sorry OP.

He said women who are not married aren’t good enough. Is he dim, or is he trying to insult you?

Personally, I wouldn’t want to marry anybody who wasn’t tripping over themselves to marry me, let alone someone who dragged their heels and hinted that it might be because I’m not good enough!

edited for missing word

Poodlelove · 20/08/2025 21:30

Shocking , how old is he?
I would ask him after listening to that conversation, if he thought that HE was husband material ?
Nobody on here thinks he is .
How dare he make you feel like you are not good enough.
He is making excuses , getting engaged and married doesn't have to be expensive.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/08/2025 21:31

Don’t marry him

what a conservation to have in front of you with his mate

what a twat

MaryGreenhill · 20/08/2025 21:31

Fancy saying that in front of you @Marathonagain. No strike that , fancy saying that full stop . You obviously aren't marrying material either , what is he some Prince amongst men ?

waterrat · 20/08/2025 21:32

A man who would make that comment in front of his partner - well. not sure what more to say.

He is absolutely gross. Don't marry him.

Allmychickenscometoroost · 20/08/2025 21:35

Your dp is a misogynistic pig. How gross to speak about women in those terms. How can you bear to touch him? Disgusting.

Of course he's not bothered about marrying you now, he's got everything he wanted without that commitment. and no your baby or the house isn't a commitment to you. having a baby is a commitment to the child, buying a house is a commitment to the bank. Marriage would have been a commitment to YOU. He doesn't need that now.

TravelPanic · 20/08/2025 21:36

He is not marriage material at all! And he doesn’t want to marry you either. I’d be starting to make plans to leave.

missrabbit1990 · 20/08/2025 21:37

Wow, he’s a total misogynist. The proposing issue is the least of your worries.

Allmychickenscometoroost · 20/08/2025 21:38

missrabbit1990 · 20/08/2025 21:37

Wow, he’s a total misogynist. The proposing issue is the least of your worries.

Agreed. Don't marry this man who has zero respect for women. Even the 'wifed off' comment is horrible, like shes been taken off the shelf because of her looks

Original poster
Marathonagain · 20/08/2025 21:39

Poodlelove · 20/08/2025 21:30

Shocking , how old is he?
I would ask him after listening to that conversation, if he thought that HE was husband material ?
Nobody on here thinks he is .
How dare he make you feel like you are not good enough.
He is making excuses , getting engaged and married doesn't have to be expensive.

He is 33, I’m 37.

OP posts:
YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 20/08/2025 21:42

What appalling examples of the male sex! You are worth so much better.

Betsy95 · 20/08/2025 21:43

He’s being a massive prick.
So disrespectful to you.

This is why I’m staying single and being my own husband … make a far better job of it 😂

Rainbowqueeen · 20/08/2025 21:47

He has no intention of ever marrying you. Everything he says is just an excuse to kick the can down the road and put up barriers. Someone who wanted to marry you would not be saying that you needed to get a be on first, especially if they already owned a house with you and had a child with you.

You really need to think hard about your future and how you want it to look. Do you understand the fundamental differences between being married and not? You have said that you own the house together and have similar savings but nothing about pensions or how you split costs.

You have no entitlement to his pension if you split and you are not married. If you stay together he sounds like he will use all his pension on himself and not be willing to Share it with you so you get the benefit.

How are bills shared? If it’s 50-50 then that is a raw deal for you. How is childcare and household stuff shared? If he leaves most of this to you but also insists you get a better paying job then he is scum.

And it goes without saying that his attitude to women is repulsive. It sounds to be like if you did bring up marriage he would be telling all his mates that you forced him into it. Is that what you want?

This must be really hard for you and I’m sorry. But the reality is that you need to take his reluctance to marry seriously and take control of how you want your life to look. He’s made it clear he’s not someone you can rely on and that would be a dealbreaker for me

Chairings · 20/08/2025 21:49

Be glad you are not married to this pig.
Clearly you have very very low self esteem, and doesn't he know it.

Women who want to be married don't have children without it.
It simply wouldn't happen.
Self respect prevents them compromising on what is important to them.

You desperately need to do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk.

Stop having sex with this pig and for goodness sake do not have another child with him.

I wouldn't trust a loser like him with views like that, (who speaks like that in front of you,)as far as I would throw him.

PollyBell · 20/08/2025 21:54

This is what you want to marry and wanted to have a baby with? Why?

KookySnail · 20/08/2025 21:57

Marathonagain · 20/08/2025 21:39

He is 33, I’m 37.

Show quote history

37?! There are no words.

He sounds like a raging chav. Imagine talking like that (especially infront of the mother of his child).
He sounds like he has no class, and no respect for you.

Also echoing what others have said about choosing to buy a house/have a baby with him before marriage. Just write that idea off in your head, it’s a small challenge in itself to have men buy into the idea of marriage these days, and you’ve given away your bargaining chips.

Coconutter24 · 20/08/2025 21:57

Why are you more concerned with the fact you think he doesn’t think your wife material over his total lack of respect for you by having those types of conversations in front of you?
I’d definitely be more bothered about him talking so disrespectfully in front of me.

Cassertta · 20/08/2025 21:58

It’s not helpful or supportive to bash the OP for having a baby before marriage. What’s done is done and we as a hive should have her back and give positive advice.

CanOfMangoTango · 20/08/2025 21:58

He doesn't want to marry you.

And to be fair if that conversation is typical of how he speaks with his friends then I'm surprised you want to marry him tbh.

Bin him off and find someone worthy of you.

This guy isn't it.

Shoemadlady · 20/08/2025 22:01

Why would you even want to be married to a block with an attitude like that towards women. It’s horrific and completely objectifying.
id pack a bag and leave with my baby.