DS 16 debagged at school

[Atomsplitter]

My 16 year old year 12 student has just disclosed to me that he was debagged/pantsed by another student while on his recent D of E expedition. Luckily he managed to hold on to his underwear but still very embarrassing 😳 He also said that the same student has been trying to do the same in the common room at school. DS has to tie his shorts really tight to prevent him from pulling them down. AIBU to think this is sexual assault? This person is not his friend and is a bit of a dick according to DS. He has targeted others too apparently, some have been totally exposed. I want to contact the school but DS doesn't want me to and won't tell me the students name.

Yes yes yes

is this not a police matter?

Yup.

Unfortunately, it's a thread full of people confusing their opinions with the law.

Not every single instance of pantsing would amount to sexual assault but, in the circumstances described (attempted removal of underwear, public setting) this would very, very likely would.

And all the "back in my day" posts are irrelevant, too.

Report to school. This is awful, your poor DS. Someone said it isn't secual assault. MN is NOT the place to say such silly things. If the other person is revealing private body parts, it's concerning. Who knows what else they might do.

Please tell the school. Not only because what's happening is awful, but the other person might move on to doing sonething worse.

Hope your son is OK.

I think this is a safeguarding issue for the school. My question would be why is he doing this and is someone pushing this child’s boundaries which is encouraging him to behave this way to others. I’d report it and say I don’t know the name but it’s happened to multiple children.

Just to confirm, if it was your wife or daughter and somebody walked up to her on the street and got close enough to put their hands either side of her waist, or perhaps touching her stomach, bum, or genitals, and forcibly holding on to pull down her trousers and underwear to leave her fully exposed from the waist down. That would just be ‘larking around, no malice’ right? If they do it multiple times - high spirits? Just to be clear on what you’re saying.

Of course this needs to be reported to the school. If not to the police.

You don't think there's a sexual element to trying to expose someone's genitals?

Why are you minimizing sexual harassment by saying sexual harassment is, by definition, minor?

Upskieting is a voyeuristic offense, apparently, so it seems we were both somewhat wrong. It’s not “sexual assault” because there’s no touching involved.

So this is boys being boys, but no one does this in shops and men being just men or women just women. Protect the children, what a stupid logic some people do have

He’s a bully.
Ideally he’ll pick on the wrong one next time, who will give him a taste of his own medicine.

It's a bit like bottom-pinching. Once upon a time, widely accepted (if begrudgingly) as boorish and often unwelcome, but not "serious" and not unlawful. No doubt, there were plenty of "back in my day" comments about it, at some stage.

Yes, pantsing has long been culturally tolerated, but - particularly if attempted underwear removal is insolved - it often is sexual assault and shouldn't be accepted.

OP, I’d report all the facts you know. No matter what type of assault this is, it’s still assault.

This!!!

it’s absolutely unacceptable and if he done it to someone in the street or a girl would you all still try to down play it!!

I don't know if it could be sexual assault but I think it is clear that this is an assault, and is serious.
It is also bullying, designed to humiliate another person.
Those two things, assault and bullying, are more than enough reason to tell the school.

We all have a responsibility as adults to report any safeguarding issues that we see in regards to children. Your son was brave enough to tell you, wonderful relationship you have there by the way. Other children who have suffered the same particularly those who were exposed might not have been able to explain it to their parents. You would also be protecting them also by reporting this. Also I'd be wanting to report this as you don't know what else the school has against this child. If there are other issues this might be enough to force some action. Let's also remember that this child is nearly legally an adult. If he turns 18 and still doing this to minors then whole different ball game.

You're wrong. You don't get to decide what is and isn't sexual assault - the law does.

Just to be clear, as you say - group of boys, who know each other and are on friendly terms - certainly not assault, that's larking around.

Not known to each other, bullying etc - different ball game.

It happened to me, remember it clear as brook water, it was not assault (my two best mates, who are still my best mates did it) it was not sexually motivated, it was not bullying - it depends on context.

In England - Debagging on or off the school premises can be considered:

• Assault: Physically pulling down someone’s clothing without consent can be classified as common assault.
• Sexual Harassment or Indecent Exposure: If underwear is removed or private areas are exposed, it could escalate to sexual harassment or even indecent exposure, depending on the circumstances.
• Bullying: Schools treat this as a form of bullying, especially if it’s done to humiliate or intimidate.

Even if the intent was “just a joke,” the impact on the victim matters more. Emotional distress, embarrassment, and reputational harm can be significant—and schools are expected to protect students from such abuse.

All depends on context, lads have done it to mates as a wind up forever, it was done to me, I don't consider I was assaulted - red faced and embarrassed, absolutely, maybe slightly miffed, but not assaulted.

Did you intend to reply to me? You didnt answer my question.

I think the victim gets first shout in deciding if they consider they were assaulted before the law gets involved.

Interesting. I think it is sexual assault. It is attempting to expose someone else's genitals without their consent. If someone randomly did it to any of you in the workplace – those of you who say it isn't sexual assault - would you think differently? Would you feel sexually victimised? I would.

I have answered your question, have I not. We are talking about teenage boys in a group context, not my wife and a group of strangers.

I've never encountered a girls version of this, so assume its just a lad thing - and its always been a thing!!

I’m glad it worked out OK for you. Did you ever think that a boy that is a victim of this would feel like he had to act as though it was all just a good joke?