To call out a man for barging into me?

[Giraffe007]

Walking in to a supermarket, wide entrance, plenty of room, a man clearly in a hurry, walking fast, barged into me, knocking my shoulder hard.

Was I being unreasonable to shout after him "what's the problem? Entrance not wide enough for you? I was with my teenage son, who was mortified, not a the man's rudeness, but at me calling him out for it. BTW, the man ignored me, but a a middle aged woman, I'm used to being ignored.

Oh that is gross you poor thing

Whats the issue?
You cant suggest any common reasons aa to why a person would pick the person in the 2 examples?

There’s nothing passive or aggressive about clearly saying to someone who has been rude that they are rude. In fact it’s the opposite of both passive AND aggressive.

Re: the “patriarchy chicken” game - if two people are walking on a path that is going to result in them colliding, one of them needs to divert, don’t they? Why should it always be the man? Or are we saying that both should swerve a bit equally?

I clicked on the thread to see if this had been mentioned. I’d vaguely remembered a friend, who had lived in Japan, who told me something about this. Then last year I’m certain it happened to me, because the man was walking so quickly and it seemed like he barged into me with unnecessary force. He didn’t slow down or look at me at all afterwards.

I’m afraid I was still processing it and was too shocked to shout anything. It needs calling out though, that sort of thing.

I can understand being annoyed and upset. However, I wouldn’t have called after him, purely because I wouldn’t trust him not to escalate things, sadly.

My mum actually did this on a train - she was knocked in the back by a man’s suitcase when he was trying and failing to heave it up onto the overhead rack. She asked him to stop - his response was to immediately get aggressive, and instead of going for the middle-aged woman, he decided to punch my teenage son instead 😢

And to be honest, I was furious with her. She does feel the need to ‘call people out’ on their bad behaviour but never stops to think what could happen if that person is a nasty piece of work who’ll get violent. Sometimes it just isn’t worth it. I know the man was in the wrong, but my son ended up getting assaulted, and was it really worth it? That could have been your son. You just don’t know…

Just odd

He punched your teenage son??!!

What the hell happened next? Surely police? And this man would have been caught on extensive station cctv surely @VaseofViolets

You have run out excuses for why the OP was in the wrong.💅

I was furious with her.

Why did you blame your mum for asking the man to stop hitting her with a case?

FFS -have a stern word with yourself in the respect most teens male or female are propbably sometimes mortified by their parents just existing let alone shouting at some random in public.
What do you think the son should have done, gone up to the guy and said something or just lamped him? Would you have expected a teen d to have said something in protest or had a 'stern word with her?
The guy's behaviour was bad, but like others said some people are so wrapped up in their own worlds they don't notice anyone or anything around them.
Others are just entitled twats.

So you seem to be saying women should shut up and not complain when they're assaulted, in case a man ends up being assaulted? That's ridiculous, you should have been angry at the violent man rather than expecting your mum to meekly accept being hurt with no comment.

All the DS needed to do in this instance was to be supportive of his mum, not to engage with the man in any way.

How do we know he didn't say anything after the event? We only get one side of the story and sometimes things get missed out, hence drip feeds not apparent in this case though.

just pay attention to other people and their needs, and work around each other one way or another. If the other person is physically less able or much more encumbered, you move more, otherwise you both adjust in some way - slow down, pause if needbe, move, whatever works. If you’re It takes two to do the pavement tango. Simply what most people do all the time. What you don’t do is treat anyone else like an insensate object which can be ignored and bashed into (and obviously you don’t do it deliberately).

Stranger still

He’s a teenager
And in the moment was prob just embarrassed
He was also no doubt embarrassed by the shoes his mum was wearing, the fact that a shop assistant spoke to him, the fact that he was in a supermarket with his mum in the first place!

This is an mn thread not a legal trial😂. We can only infer from what the OP has written that her DSs reaction was somewhat lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Thing is, people see the reaction and not the action that caused it.

Good point

She didn’t call the transport police/police. She didn’t like the idea of him travelling alone to London on the train as she didn’t think he’d be safe, so insisted on going with him 🙄 But didn’t think to call the police when he’d been assaulted. He’d have been fine without her.

I’m not saying the man in OP’s example, or mine, weren’t in the wrong - they obviously are. I’m just saying that it’s not necessarily a wise idea to be ‘calling people out’ on their behaviour when we have no idea how they’ll respond. These men can get aggressive and violent - so I don’t think it’s worth the risk. Again, not saying their behaviour is acceptable. But what happens when that person is immediately defensive and aggressive and escalates the thing - are we prepared to deal with that?

I did the same experiment and had the same outcome.

What stopped YOU from reporting to the police?

It’s because she was shouting it after him rather than addressing him directly.

”Calling out” is fine if you can actually make your point to the person in question.

Yelling out after people is just rude in its own way. No one else wants to hear your petty grievances.

That’s my point in this scenario
Anyone around probably just thought the Op had a beef with someone or was shouting at a security guard

meanwhile the rude twat strolls on by oblivious to what’s going on behind him as he hurries in to the store