Why am I so shit?

[JNicholson]

I just bought a sandwich from M&S after a work meeting in a different location, and ate half of it before getting on the train back to the main office. I put the other half in its packaging in my open laptop bag, which is crammed full of other stuff, to eat when I got back.

As soon as I sat down on the train I saw that the open package had fallen from the bag onto the floor, so no other half of the M&S sandwich for me. I couldn’t see the sandwich, assumed it had fallen under the seat but when I got up to throw the packaging away I saw it had somehow fallen to the side and slightly under me so although I have now thrown the squashed half sandwich away, there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there, and ditto on my smart work dress which was newly washed this morning and which I will now have to wash again.

This kind of event sums up my life. Why? Why am I so shit? Why am I incapable of having a laptop bag that isn’t crammed and which I can close? Why am I incapable of eating a sandwich on the go without throwing it on the floor and mashing it into my dress?

FML.

Maybe you are a bit accident prone. It happens. Though eating in transit can be tricky anyway.

I'm 46 and it's still not safe for me to cook or eat something with tomato sauce.
And I'm apparently unable to write without staining my fingers with ink. And I write everyday.

You’re not shit, you’re just busy and distracted like most of us. Don’t overthink it.

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's only a sandwich. Make something nice to eat later, and have a glass of wine with it. A large one.
🍷

If a torn open piece of cardboard was enough to secure a sloppy sandwich, M&S would save a few bob and sell it like that in the first place. The incident was always likely to happen.

From experience, I only eat 'dry things' out and about. Sorry about the eggmayofuckery OP.

😆 You’re not shit OP, you’re obviously just a bit clumsy and accident prone. I have a DC exactly the same, I always remember when they were a teen they knocked the Christmas tree over. It was like watching it in slow motion as it toppled and all the glass ornaments smashed. How they managed it to this day I’ll never know, they only walked past it and there was plenty of room!

How annoying!!!! My laptop bag is also constantly full of shit and it quite often flops to the side and spills its contents to the ground.

why can’t they make a laptop bag that protects the laptop, looks reasonably professional and also easily fits the other items that inevitably end up in there … and protects half eaten sandwiches too?

im sorry for your (sandwich) loss x

Oh, OP, you're not shit at all. Some people are born knowing how not to have this stuff happen to them and others have to learn. I am in the latter camp. This is exactly the sort of thing that happens to me and I now deal with it by having a decently sized laptop rucksack (a large Roka one in my case) and a large empty ziplock plastic bag and a bag clip in the inside pocket of the rucksack, so that if I buy something prepacked without a means of resealing and don't finish it (crisps, sandwich) I have something secure that I can keep it in. This is something that I worked out last week after 50 years of lunch-related mess or waste!

Just sort yourself out, do better.

Oh come on, try not to be an arse. If saying that to oneself was the solution we'd all be models of organisation and decorum.

Egg mayonnaise and ketchup?!

This.

If your laptop bag is crammed then why don’t you also have an extra bag for the excess. Then you can fasten them both up and avoid things like this

I'm 43 and can't wear white because I am unable to even put it on without being immediately filthy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=be9GZ0CWprI

You are not shit, you have spent your whole life being deprived of decent pockets in clothing and so of course your bag is always full to the brim!
Standard laptop bags are designed by people who are allowed functional pockets (men) so they only fit laptop stuff, not other stuff.
It’s not your fault, it’s the patriarchy!!

Oh dear, this is the kind of thing that happens to me too. I make Boris Johnson look well put together.

You're not shit! It was an accident. If you're a mum (or even if you're not!) then put your mum head on and pack your bag according to what you might have to clean up/deal with - make yourself a clumsy stash! Reusable food bags, wet wipes, laundry pen, etc. Laugh at yourself, move on ☺️

Me too!

I'm known for being by an absolute klutz. I improved once I started going to Pilates classes, which may sound weird but I think what the classes did for me was gaining a better understanding of where my body is in space. I still do things like miss my mouth when drinking coffee (so I totally avoid white tops) but I no longer bump into so many things.

You're not shit. This sort of thing can happen to anyone. It can certainly happen to me and I am definitely not shit. The difference is in how much head space I allow it. Clear up as best you can, move on, and don't give it any more thought!

You are human and fallible and busy and you're fine. I know this is a bit lighthearted but make a list, if only in your mind of all the things you do well, competently or incredibly well. It will be very long and more important than the sandwich.

(I speak as someone who has genuinely done the old music-hall joke of looking at her watch and so spilling tea or wine down her dress. Yes it has happened more than once.)

It sounds like you fuss to much.

How big was this sandwich? Why did you need to eat it in 2 goes?

some people just create problems for themselves. Putting half a sandwich in your laptop bag? Just eat the whole thing in one go or throw it in the bin if you found it too much to eat.

Maybe she didn’t have time to finish it before the train arrived so saved half to eat on the train? It’s a fairly normal thing to do.

It happens to the best of us.

The worst is when you know something fragile is perched precariously and can fall easily, and you still don’t move it, and inevitably it falls.