Why am I so shit?

[JNicholson]

I just bought a sandwich from M&S after a work meeting in a different location, and ate half of it before getting on the train back to the main office. I put the other half in its packaging in my open laptop bag, which is crammed full of other stuff, to eat when I got back.

As soon as I sat down on the train I saw that the open package had fallen from the bag onto the floor, so no other half of the M&S sandwich for me. I couldn’t see the sandwich, assumed it had fallen under the seat but when I got up to throw the packaging away I saw it had somehow fallen to the side and slightly under me so although I have now thrown the squashed half sandwich away, there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there, and ditto on my smart work dress which was newly washed this morning and which I will now have to wash again.

This kind of event sums up my life. Why? Why am I so shit? Why am I incapable of having a laptop bag that isn’t crammed and which I can close? Why am I incapable of eating a sandwich on the go without throwing it on the floor and mashing it into my dress?

FML.

It's a red light day it happens

Monday every single light I drove up to was red crossings traffic lights i was always on red i needed fuel the garage was full up i decided i could wait drove down the road red light round the corner red light up the hill? Two lots of red lights and I'm stuck behind a bus

I was glad to get home

I am not capable of wearing white trousers. The last time, I moved my bag to let someone sit next to me on the tram. I put it on the floor at first, then my lap. So, yes the trousers got dirty from the floor. Of course.

Oh you are so me - and always happens when your in a rush
Make up spills on my top, get out of the car and splash my trousers in a puddle, empty the dishwasher and break a mug or glass. I was even holding an eyeshadow pallet one day moved just a milimeter and knocked the whole thing over breaking the whole pallet lucky was the bathroom so didn't stain the carpet
Wedding last year manged to get a grease stain on my dress had to get it dry cleaned to get it out. my husband and family just expect it from me know, used to upset me big time but now not so much, i dunno how i do it but am just clumsy, even this morning brushing my hair dropped my hair brush

I think thats really gross.

The reason it happened is you were sloppy and careless.

Oh look, another arsehole.

This !!!

there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there

I mean, that’s a bit shit tbh. Could you not get a damp bit of tissue and clean it up? That aside, egg mayo & ketchup 🤮

I do frequently have shit happen and am forever bemoaning ’why is everything so hard?’ because it really feels like it is.
That delicious cream cake I was looking forward to…slipped off the plate and splatted into the cat’s bowl.
Tastiest cup of coffee…spilt all over myself.
The order I’ve just put in for work items…left one essential item off etc etc etc.

Some people just seem to have it together, I definitely don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

No the arsehole is someone who cant be bothered to put a sandwich away properly and then just leaves loads of gross breakfast bap smooshed into a seat for someone else to sit on and/or clean up

Tide (there are other brands too ofc) stain pens! I get them on amazon

* I have now thrown the squashed half sandwich away, there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there,*

I don’t usually believe in karma but….

you need a bag on wheels type laptop bag with the pull along handle @JNicholson

I would have waited until I was on the train to open it even if I was really hungry because I know I'm shit and I'd have ended up with a mess as well if I'd tried to put a half-eaten sandwich into a laptop bag or any other bag for that matter.

It doesn’t sound like much but in reality the reason your life is a big shambolic is because you’ve got too much going on. Why are you only eating half a sandwich?? Too busy to have a proper lunch? Maybe you’re trying to carve everything up too much into small chunks and there comes a point where it’s actually not efficient and is just chaotic!

I’m not shit and have no intention of being so. Can you share more examples of your shitness so I can have a good laugh know what to avoid in future?

I got dressed this morning without pulling the curtains (DH is on summer hols and deserves his lie-ins), and got to work to find that I have a fetching pale blue stain all across the front of my white polo-neck jumper. It looks like I spilled stain remover across it somehow and it set into the fabric.

I also put a can of Dash water down on my desk next to my mouse today and thought "better make sure I don't knock that over"...yep, knocked over everywhere when I next went to grab my mouse (including my chair, my laptop and dock, and my lap). I look like I've weed myself but also smell strongly of grapefruit.

Final one (this is all just from today) was to find that I had replied to a client, and in my salutation his name had autocorrected to "Dear Bum..."

I discovered a squished and melted Jaffa cake stuck to my boob

Now there's a sentence I never dreamed I'd read!

Exactly this.

This kind of thing happens to me all the time.
Whenever I look/sweep under the kitchen table where I (and DP, to be fair to me) eat, it's like a neglected hen run.
There are nameless stains a go-go on our sofas because we also often shovel down dinner in front of the telly in the dark, and one or both of us always spills/drops something. More, obviously, if the meal is tomato- or soy-sauce based, and more again if one of us is using or in proximity to my nice white throw.
It's life, and if the alternative is sitting 'nicely' at the table for all meals, rather than stuffing our faces and critiquing the people on the Sewing Bee, then give me a bit of squashed puttanesca-coated linguine every time.

Just eat it all and bun the packaging. Complete one task at a time. Failing that. Carry a lunch bag for all food and messy items.

I had replied to a client, and in my salutation his name had autocorrected to "Dear Bum..."
Reminded me: not me, but a friend, in an email: 'I know you've been busty...'.

Op I should also add in my wheelie bag I keep baby wipes as I always spill things

@Hysterectomynext my DH once produced two wrapped slices of wedding cake from his suit jacket pockets, so anything is possible in my mind 🤣 The last wedding we attended was at least 12 months prior to him finding the cake…

I'm 54 and I'm the same. Ink stained fingers, sometimes manage to get biro on my face and I've worn a top inside out on a few ocassions. And I consider myself to be a pretty switched on person. Oh well, at least we have personality hey!