Why am I so shit?

[JNicholson]

I just bought a sandwich from M&S after a work meeting in a different location, and ate half of it before getting on the train back to the main office. I put the other half in its packaging in my open laptop bag, which is crammed full of other stuff, to eat when I got back.

As soon as I sat down on the train I saw that the open package had fallen from the bag onto the floor, so no other half of the M&S sandwich for me. I couldn’t see the sandwich, assumed it had fallen under the seat but when I got up to throw the packaging away I saw it had somehow fallen to the side and slightly under me so although I have now thrown the squashed half sandwich away, there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there, and ditto on my smart work dress which was newly washed this morning and which I will now have to wash again.

This kind of event sums up my life. Why? Why am I so shit? Why am I incapable of having a laptop bag that isn’t crammed and which I can close? Why am I incapable of eating a sandwich on the go without throwing it on the floor and mashing it into my dress?

FML.

Sympathies OP, it's a shame you didn't get to enjoy the entire sandwich.

M&S All Day Breakfast Sandwich features:

British pork sausage, boiled egg, seasoned mayonnaise, tomato ketchup and smoked British bacon on white bread.

I am like this ended up with a diagnosis of dyspraxia.

Did you clean the seat up?

You wrote, "....there is now some squashed egg mayonnaise and ketchup on the seat, bad luck for anyone subsequent who wants to sit there...."

Accidents happen but if you did not find a tissue to wipe the seat and just thought "bad luck" for the next passenger then that's pretty shit of you.

Aw please don't say this, it makes me sad.

For what it's worth, I am 49 and I can't:

Eat anything without spilling it on myself. And I do mean ANYTHING.

I get make up all over my collars. And now they are making me wear white.

I cannot walk about my house without banging into something, usually stubbing my toes.

I slipped in the shower the other day and have a bruise the size of Texas on the side of my knee.

I regularly drop wine glasses to the point that there is zero point in me buying glass ones anymore.

I ran out of petrol yesterday and was rescued by two men, and I burst into tears because I didn't have anyone else to help me.

I start DIY projects and forget how things go back together.

I am useless with money.

I'm 60 and have to tell you it doesn't get any better... 🤷‍♀️

Jinx! I am also 43 and can’t wear white…

What's a laundry pen? ( mum of two and I still have no idea what this is)

BTW if a rom com writer wants to make a heroine 'flawed but adorable', they often make her clumsy... 😁

Oh God OP, I know what you mean. I wish I was one of those classy women who go around looking fab from morning to night, but as soon as I leave the house I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Oh, you're not shit! Just a busy person probably trying to multitask! Don't put yourself down, this kind of thing can happen to anyone. Try to think of one thing that you did today which was positive and worked well.

I'll tell you one positive thing OP. You started a thread and people aren't being rude or personal (all too common on MN!). Instead, people are sharing their foibles 😊!

Lighten up OP. You are not shit. You dropped a sarnie, laugh it off.

Last night I accidently stabbed a can of unopened coke with a knife and it squirted everywhere, a bit like when the top comes off champagne. Cue me being smashed in the face with a blast of coke!!! It went all over my top, in my hair, all over the floor and had me squealing like an idiot trying to stop this coke from hitting the ceiling. Said squeals sent DH racing into the kitchen wondering what the heck all the kerfuffle was.

He burst out laughing at me trying to contain this out of control spray of coke, and my sopping wet face which made me laugh at him and the pair of us were just laughing trying to stop it and we both were covered in the stuff by the end of it.

Shit happens. 😂

Aw this is me too OP.

My only advice is to eat it all in one go so you don’t have to worry about this again.

Arsehole

I am also shit at times, so entirely feel your pain, but I never mix 'bag' stuff with 'food' stuff as it never ends well IMO, especially with a laptop, and especially squishy stuff with crap packaging. My best advice would be put some empty ziplock sandwich bags in the side pocket of you laptop bag and you will always have a smear/waterproof container for half eaten snacks.

They come in handy for all sorts of things tbh.

Also, wetwipes, but I have a 4 year old so don't go anywhere without those anyway.

Aw this is me too OP.

My only advice is to eat it all in one go so you don’t have to worry about this again.

Ha ha… I always dreamed of growing up and becoming…
A sophisticated laydee. 50 now & it still hasn’t happened!

😆 we’re all a bit shit in 1 way or another. My only way of coping with it is to laugh at myself.
I bet you’re not as shit as me 😺.
gentle hug.

It’s not you. It’s a series of unfortunate events that culminate in you thinking it’s your fault because you’re shit.

you aren’t shit. YOU ARE HUMAN. No better and no worse than anyone else

I opened a tin of tuna for lunch. The can burst open and I was covered in tuna and oil. Not a pleasant smell....

It was a challenging sandwich choice.

Same here! And l have a few years on you.
Doesn't matter how tightly l do up my water bottle or make sure it is standing up, it always leaks in my bag.

Eat the entire sandwich in one go. Job done and you don't need to be shit.

Good advice 👍

I am also shit OP so you have my solidarity.

Last week I ate a sandwich while out shopping and with the last bite, a big old blob of brown sauce landed down the front of my white top. Absolutely standard for me. Nice. I still had errands to do so popped into the loo and turned my top back to front and luckily had my jacket with me.

The good part of this is that us shit people learn to be very creative to hide our shit so that makes us super smart I think!