Going out with son without me

[justanothermother2023]

I don't like farms. I have phobia of animals. My partner asked if I wanted to meet his friend with my little one there too. I said no as I thought it was just his friend and didn't want to intrude. His friend suggested going to a farm. Someone then booked tickets to a farm with his friend and his partner as well as my little one. I've never met the partner and have been keen to meet her. The day he told me of the plan, I said I'm upset that I couldn't meet the partner with him and felt left out. I then said I really want to come if it was something other than a farm. He said that his friend suggested farm so that's it. I brought it up again because I was having FOMO. He apologised but didn't do anything e.g. contact friend to change activity or anything. I then brought it up the third time but this time to say that I wish he did something to change it and was disappointed he didn't. He then said I was being pathetic and that I always create problems. I didn't like the insults in front of my little one. I am fed up. AIBU?

Yep. I would feel extremely uncomfortable and offended in the shoes of the friend and new partner.

To the friend, she’s basically said “you’re not worth my time” and to the new partner it sounds like wanting to judge and assess her.

OP trying to re-paint it as her being neglected and sorrowful that she’s missing out on time with her DS is pretty disgusting actually. She didn’t want to go when she knew DS would be there. He isn’t the reason she’s sad now.

YAB incredibly U.

You and your partner shouldn't have argued in front of your child but that's on both of you. And I have some sympathy with him describing you as 'pathetic' in this context. You do sound like someone who is very hard work. If you have a phobia of animals, clearly it makes sense for your partner to go to animal attractions with your son without you - if you want to meet his mate's new girlfriend, you can do that another time. Honestly, stop being such a baby.

What a drama over absolutely nothing. If you're keen to meet the friends partner just invite them over your house. It's as simple as that.

You are entitled to your feelings. I can get some really immature selfish feelings blowing up in me as well every now and again, we all do.

Just sit on them for a while first and ask yourself if you're reasonable (or ask mn😉) before venting infront of children and husband.

It can be a personality trait as well; my DH has to exteriorise his feelings, he just doesn't know how to keep things in. But he's latin so I think it's a cultural thing. It's healthy for him to get all out but I remind him constantly that I'm not his mother/psychologist/a wall in Jersusalem/a bin so please sort through your rubbish before spilling all out.

This 😆

You didn't like his friend enough to want to go out with them before his partner was invited along though....?

Honestly OP you seem like a nightmare and your poor partner cant win.

It's not up to him help or cure your phobia of all animals.... tbh that's something you as an adult should have done long before you had a child but it's a you issue not a him issue. You seem extremely high maintenance and needy as well expecting other people to change pre arranged and paid for plans because of you. Also you seem to backtrack and then be available for the farm so you could meet the partner, so you dont actually care about missing a family day, you just wanted to meet his friends partner?
If you have form for being like this in public frankly I'd be a bit embarrassed to bring you along. If you have a genuine phobia of animals then a farm is either somewhere you can or cant go surely? The animals will be everywhere.

But he did invite you and you declined…..

What have you done to start dealing with your own phobia and medical issue?

Not allowed to meet his friends………. She was invited and clearly met his friend before.

What are you talking about?

You are massively unreasonable. If you don't want to do something or go somewhere, fine. But to demand that people change their plans around your likes and dislikes is incredibly entitled.

Sorry YABU
and this was a really easy vote, struggling trying to believe anyone would think differently.

If this was a husband pushing his wife I'd say it's a step towards coercive control. And if your DP did buckle it wouldn't be healthy, also the impression of you (by friend+his partner) would be I fear quite low.

Just read a news story about melatonin gummies (random thought)

YABU. Your phobia, your problem. You don't get to dictate how others spend their time simply because you choose not to join them. Your reasons for not going to a farm are reasonable for you. But it is NOT reasonable to be offended/sulky because they enjoy doing something you don't. Grow up & move on.

You are making this about you, your wants. You are the problem. Let your husband and children have a good time.
You were asked, everyone wanted to go to the farm, you did not because of your phobia. This is your problem not theirs.
You sound immature and it seems you want to ruin the day for your husband by making him feel guilty.

She says she originally said no because at the time, she thought it was just him and his friend. Friend then booked the tickets and she realised friend's partner was going too

Your husband is not the person to help you with this phobia. Find a friend or family member to help you

I agree with him. Let your child have a fun day out at the farm instead of making it all about you.

Meet them afterwards. Job done.