Page 3 | Going out with son without me

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 07:10

Skodacool · 20/08/2025 06:59

If you read OP you will see that tickets HAD been booked.

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I did read the OP. I didn't say tickets haven't been booked. I said you can't agree to a plan and back out later because tickets may well have been booked. In this case they were. What's your point?

EasternSkies · 20/08/2025 07:18

OP: Arrange the next outing. Suggest a visit or activity that everyone would enjoy and suggest that your DH invite his friend and his wife. Or invite them for dinner / bbq / drinks

Stop complaining about what you don’t want to do and be pro active .

Planktonplank · 20/08/2025 07:20

Not sure why your FOMO is more important than your DS getting to visit a farm and see animals. If you don't want to go or can't go, there's no reason why your OH shouldn't take his child out without you.

rwalker · 20/08/2025 07:27

He lost it after you carried on banging on about it
mention it once fair enough twice not ideal third time no need

Iwantmyoldnameback · 20/08/2025 07:44

I'm not keen on farm animals myself (scared but not phobic) but I have visited several farms with my children. I have never been frightened while there. I am also scared of horses but I have taken my daughter to her riding lessons when I've had to. Never touched the horse though.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 20/08/2025 07:45

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/08/2025 06:22

@BlankBlankBlank14eh? What are you on about? I never said he forced her to go or tried to force her to go.

Read my post again. You’re lacking English reading comprehension skills.

I said her partner knows she has an animal phobia and still okay’d a visit to a farm, knowing she would struggle with it. Which to me is thoughtless. And then calling it pathetic when she objects because she would like to socialise and meet these friend of his and her partner.

Nowhere in her post does the op say she prevents her partner and her ds from doing activities together whether they visit animals or not.

She saying that this time she would have liked to have met the p’s friend and his partner.

Are you sleep deprived or just plain obtuse?

I don't like farms. I have phobia of animals. My partner asked if I wanted to meet his friend with my little one there too. I said no as I thought it was just his friend and didn't want to intrude.

She didn’t want to go! So the someone booking the farm was fine, she wasn’t going anyway. So are you saying that even when she doesn’t want to go, no one should go? Just in case she then changes her mind?

His friend suggested going to a farm. Someone then booked tickets to a farm with his friend and his partner as well as my little one.

Someone booked the farm, maybe not knowing her weird phobia, but it was fine because her needs weren’t to be taken into account, because she wasn’t going. She’d been asked and said no,

Now about English reading comprehension….

Skodacool · 20/08/2025 07:49

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 07:10

I did read the OP. I didn't say tickets haven't been booked. I said you can't agree to a plan and back out later because tickets may well have been booked. In this case they were. What's your point?

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My point is that saying tickets may well have been booked suggests that you didn’t know they had been booked.

Whaleandsnail6 · 20/08/2025 07:52

Yabu

Your partner wants to go to the farm, the adult friends want to go to the farm, I'm sure the kid would love to go to the farm. You want everyone else to miss out as you have a phobia of animals?

I don't think your phobia trumps the outing here . I'm also not surprised your partner got fed up of you nagging 3 times to change the plan. Its all arranged and sorted now, no need for the constant going on about it

If you want to meet the friends partner, arrange the next outing at a different venue. Its not all about you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 20/08/2025 07:56

@justanothermother2023 sounds like he never told them “you can’t do farms “
He should have said it be lovely to meet up but maybe do another place .

Although when originally planned it was just going to be him and his friend without the dp so maybe he never thought to say .
Instead of having go at you he needs to speak up for you . He could have said you would have loved to have joined them all and will next time , it’s just that you can’t do farms.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 20/08/2025 07:58

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 06:53

I agree with the principle of your point but I think adults can get FOMO (although most adults would phrase it differently). Adults just don't tantrum about it and expect the whole world to change.

If I have to work late on Halloween, I might get FOMO about DH taking the DCs Trick or Treating without me. The adult response isn't to tell them not to go though, it's to deal with my own FOMO.

If your FOMO is fixed by others missing out too then that's selfish. If I can't go to Oasis then I wouldn't feel better by the tour being cancelled.

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Yes absolutely! TBH I’m just being a dick but if I heard a grown woman say she had FOMO I’d cringe. I’d expect something like “it’s a shame I’m missing out” in your example.

WhereIsMyJumper · 20/08/2025 07:59

You need to grow up

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 08:07

Imbusytodaysorry · 20/08/2025 07:56

@justanothermother2023 sounds like he never told them “you can’t do farms “
He should have said it be lovely to meet up but maybe do another place .

Although when originally planned it was just going to be him and his friend without the dp so maybe he never thought to say .
Instead of having go at you he needs to speak up for you . He could have said you would have loved to have joined them all and will next time , it’s just that you can’t do farms.

How would that conversation go?

Friend: Does JustAnother want to come?
DP: No, I just asked her and she doesn't want to come.
Friend: Ok. Shall we go to the farm?
DP: No, JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: Oh - but you just said she's not coming?
DP: She isn't.
Friend: So, why can't we go to the farm?
DP: Because JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: But she won't be there.
DP: I know...

If OP isn't going then why would they choose a location based on what she likes?!

If I'm hosting a dinner party and invite a vegan, and they decline the invite, I don't plan a vegan menu anyway. If a friend has a dog allergy and declines an invitation to go on a hike, I don't leave my dog at home anyway. If my DS is very fair and sunburns easily and declines a trip, I don't tell everyone else they have to stay out of the sun because DS would burn... It's just absolutely mental behaviour.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 20/08/2025 08:10

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 08:07

How would that conversation go?

Friend: Does JustAnother want to come?
DP: No, I just asked her and she doesn't want to come.
Friend: Ok. Shall we go to the farm?
DP: No, JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: Oh - but you just said she's not coming?
DP: She isn't.
Friend: So, why can't we go to the farm?
DP: Because JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: But she won't be there.
DP: I know...

If OP isn't going then why would they choose a location based on what she likes?!

If I'm hosting a dinner party and invite a vegan, and they decline the invite, I don't plan a vegan menu anyway. If a friend has a dog allergy and declines an invitation to go on a hike, I don't leave my dog at home anyway. If my DS is very fair and sunburns easily and declines a trip, I don't tell everyone else they have to stay out of the sun because DS would burn... It's just absolutely mental behaviour.

Edited

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In fact, dare I go so far as to say, it’s the sensible option to go to a farm when OP isn’t going to be there….

You know to give the opportunity for the DCs to enjoy and not be influenced by OPs phobia.

Im sure some will disagree, but I like you think DP has done nothing wrong..

5128gap · 20/08/2025 08:21

A phobia of animals is pretty restricting when it comes to DC attractions. DC typically love animals and its not fair that they can't engage with them because of your phobia, so this seems like an ideal opportunity for them to have that pleasure. It's also U to expect your H to make a big fuss changing an event hes been asked to, tickets purchased for etc. These people haven't even met you, so its way too early to be expecting them to accommodate you in this way. It's also U to put your desire to meet these people right now ahead of everyone else's convenience. I'm sure they're not going to disappear into thin air, and they'll be other opportunities.

CrumpledBlouse · 20/08/2025 08:27

Are you honestly expecting three adults and two children to change pre-paid plans made after you said you weren’t attending?

Whaleandsnail6 · 20/08/2025 08:33

ConfusedSloth · 20/08/2025 08:07

How would that conversation go?

Friend: Does JustAnother want to come?
DP: No, I just asked her and she doesn't want to come.
Friend: Ok. Shall we go to the farm?
DP: No, JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: Oh - but you just said she's not coming?
DP: She isn't.
Friend: So, why can't we go to the farm?
DP: Because JustAnother has a phobia of animals.
Friend: But she won't be there.
DP: I know...

If OP isn't going then why would they choose a location based on what she likes?!

If I'm hosting a dinner party and invite a vegan, and they decline the invite, I don't plan a vegan menu anyway. If a friend has a dog allergy and declines an invitation to go on a hike, I don't leave my dog at home anyway. If my DS is very fair and sunburns easily and declines a trip, I don't tell everyone else they have to stay out of the sun because DS would burn... It's just absolutely mental behaviour.

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Exactly.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/08/2025 08:37

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/08/2025 05:31

But your partner knows you have a phobia of animals, right?

And he still okay’d the purchase of tickets to the farm knowing you’d really hate it?

That is weird. And thoughtless. “Yes it’s fine. My wife hates animals so let’s go somewhere with her son where there are lots of animals.”

I think you are right to object. You are being left out. What a strange and unkind way for a partner to behave if he’s aware of your animal phobia.

Is he normally like this?

And also op, is the child your child or your partner’s too? Just wanted to know.

Not at all. The farm is a totally appropriate activity to take a child to, the OP is trying to deny her child this experience. If I was her DH I'd take the child on my own and be cross if she tried to stop me.

Unicornsandprincesses · 20/08/2025 09:05

Is your partner the kid’s dad?

or are three adults unrelatee to your kid taking him to the farm?

Autumn38 · 20/08/2025 09:06

The other family were going to the farm. They asked if you guys wanted to go with them. It would be rude to try to change the activity. What you could do is go to the farm and then suggest a different activity next time.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/08/2025 09:08

@BlankBlankBlank14 Your words, “He didn’t try to force her to go. Where did you get that from?” are what I was flagging up as your lack of reading comprehension skills of MY post.

Try harder, dearie. And don’t move the goalposts.

Autumn38 · 20/08/2025 09:08

If I messaged a friend and said, ‘we are going to the farm, do you want to come with us?’ I’d find it really odd if they messaged back and said ‘no but let’s do a completely different activity’. No, I’ve planned to take my kids to the farm.

Starlight7080 · 20/08/2025 09:15

You dont have to go near the animals at a farm. You must be OK with them from a distance. Other wise how do you cope in general.
It was a little confusing but did you mean your partner is not your child's father ?
Also if the tickets are paid for you cant expect them all to change plans .
You do sound like hard work .

BlankBlankBlank14 · 20/08/2025 09:39

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/08/2025 09:08

@BlankBlankBlank14 Your words, “He didn’t try to force her to go. Where did you get that from?” are what I was flagging up as your lack of reading comprehension skills of MY post.

Try harder, dearie. And don’t move the goalposts.

You’ve been called out by a number of posters.

You’re insinuating the DP has tried to force a situation. He’s not the batshit crazy one in this situation, it’s OP.

You’ve misunderstood that she wasn’t going on the trip, she’d said no, then they decided to go to a farm…. He didn’t let her down or try to get her to go to any farm or not have her back,

Hopefully, that sorts it for you my sweet?

Honestly, how many people have to tell you you’ve got it all wrong.

K0OLA1D · 20/08/2025 09:41

BlankBlankBlank14 · 20/08/2025 09:39

You’ve been called out by a number of posters.

You’re insinuating the DP has tried to force a situation. He’s not the batshit crazy one in this situation, it’s OP.

You’ve misunderstood that she wasn’t going on the trip, she’d said no, then they decided to go to a farm…. He didn’t let her down or try to get her to go to any farm or not have her back,

Hopefully, that sorts it for you my sweet?

Honestly, how many people have to tell you you’ve got it all wrong.

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I did lol when they came back and doubled down after countless posts pointing out they were wrong originally 🤣

SJM1988 · 20/08/2025 09:47

You are unreasonable over the farm and bring it up 3 times. You don't like them and said no. They planned to go to one - something which is quite common with young children. I don't think plans should be changed just because you then decide after they booked the tickets you want to go but not to the farm.

You aren't unreasonable over the name calling. That isn't on.