Would you end your relationship over this?

[FeatherBower]

I am a mum of 3 boys, 2 of which are my partner of 21 years, my eldest was 3 when we got together. My partner hasn't been the best but ive tried to work through all his flaws over the last 21 years and some are things you can't ignore but ive worked hard, ive had to start therapy for those byt anyway... 1 thing that sticks out is, every time I have a difficult life challenge he completely disengaged from me and either turns on me, picks a fight or finds a way to ignore me till the crisis is over...zero support. Not emotionally, not physically, not mentally...nothing....ZERO. Some examples of crisis are my Dad passing, my 2 brothers passing, my pregnancies, the loss of a pregnancy, my eldest son (not his) relapsing from schizophrenia and me having to get him hospitalised etc, ive done it all alone every single time....now what's the final nail in the coffin? Or feels like it should be... ive had years of issues with my repoductives and tomorrow im having a hysterectomy as no other medical intervention has helped, its been years of hell, ive vocalised how scared I am and he's known for months about it. He kept saying not to worry he will be with me the whole time, he will be there, take me to the hospital etc etc....only last week he turned and said with no emotion..."so how are you getting to the hospital next week for your op?".....I chose not to react, not to beg for his support and I just said BUS. He then said 'yea because I see no point in me having to go all the way there to come all the way back...BUT IF YOU want me there I'll come" I already knew i was in this alone. Its a 10 minute drive but Again I didn't want to give him the reaction he needed to start a fight so he could excuse himself anyway. I didn't want to point out he promised to be there, to drive me there, to be there when I wake up...I cant drive myself as I won't be allowed to drive home and that will cost a bomb to leave the car for 3 weeks in the hospital or close by. I am beyond annoyed. I am honestly considering ending it all. The last time we argued about lack of support he mentioned that when my eldest was sectioned his support was looking after our sons (17 and 9) for me so I could help my 'precious' son....that in itself was an insult because he can happily ask my eldest to watch his brother so we can go for a meal when he wants some of the other......be honest, be brutal....what would you feel or do if you was in this crap situation?

OP I have read your most recent update and I think what I was going to say still stands in that he will now promise to change and change he will, briefly. But not because he loves you, because he won’t want to lose his home and lifestyle. He has shown that all he cares about are appearances. Don’t fall for his bullshit.
Also, are you married to heap of shit? If not and it sounds like you’re not, for once it’s a blessing in disguise.

Hope you’re feeling ok today and not too sore.

Good luck Op, and he’s clearly trying to do DARVO and make himself the victim but you’re not playing into it.

He said its the fact that I do t think he's good enough....and I simply replied that im glad we are on the same page.

Perfect response!

It’s alarming and pretty scary how many men stay with women they clearly dislike and don’t value out of convenience/until a better offer comes along. He clearly has no regard for you.

If you need someone to be there while he picks his stuff try and call a trusted friend /family member or neighbour. He is clearly worried about appearances so he will be more likely to leave without a scene if a third party is there.

Good luck OP - your life will be so much better! Hope the op has gone smoothly.

My final straw was when my now ex-DH made me get a bus to the hospital to see our baby in the neonatal unit, a couple of days after my discharge from maternity unit as he was too busy. Baby was 30 weeks and I'd been really unwell.

He was working from home and it was about a 15 min round trip.

Something just shut down in me that day. And actually I feel crosser with myself that I didnt slam the car keys on the desk and tell him to get his arse in gear.

Still, it was a long time ago now. But when priorities are spelled out so clearly, you just know you cant come back from it.

You absolute queen !!!

I wish you all the best OP. He sounds like a really nasty , spiteful and abusive man.

Good on you for ending it ❤️

“I’m glad we are on the same page” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
best response ever!

You are amazing! I smiled all the way through your update. Have everything crodded fkr you that recovery is as smooth as possible. You are so strong and can do this!

Well done.
He is utter scum.
Take this time in hospital to ask about domestic abuse support.
Tell them you want to get your abuser out of YOUR home.
He will only be concerned about his housing.
Involve the police if you need to.
But get that awful man out.
Best of luck.
We are here for you.

He hates himself and takes it out on you

💐

OP I'm feeling a bit teary with admiration reading your update! What an amazing strong woman you are - wishing you the best with your recovery and your life of freedom and peace without that nasty bastard! 💐

Wow you are AWESOME. You totally bossed that situation, you really did and you've retained your sense of humour, which is so important.

Hoping that you're resting and recovering now... the light at the end of the tunnel will get brighter each day... you're doing brilliantly. Sending love. ❤️

Slam dunk his arse into the sea when you're well enough and get this waste of space out of your life. Hope your recovery goes well x

I'm so sorry to read all these losses and tough times you've had, op. Life can be very cruel. I'd say for now, take one step at a time - get a taxi to the hospital, focus on your op and then come home a recover. You need to be a bit careful after a hysterectomy and it won't be the best time for a break up. As soon as you're strong enough, though, leave the useless bastard. 21 years is long enough to hope for some affection and support. Enjoy your life...you don't need him dragging you down. All the best & look after yourself xx

@Cece92This is not about you! 🙄 Bore off

He said he will stay and look after the kids whilst I recover and leave when im well....I know him and this is his grand finally to try and swing in his favour, but I am done.

OP the phrase you need on repeat is 'too little, too late'.

I hope the op went well.

@FeatherBower hope all went well with the op

Hey @FeatherBower just popping in to say hope all went ok with your surgery and that you're recovery journey has started well. Been thinking of you.

Please leave him, you are worth more than that!