To think there is nothing wrong with saying: “School is not optional, there will be consequences if you don’t attend, and the only person this’ll impact is you?

[ThatAmberBee]

I don’t understand why some people get so upset when parents are firm about school attendance. At the end of the day, missing school only hurts the child, and they’re the ones who’ll face the consequences in the long run. Isn’t it fair to make that clear?

It doesn't just affect the child. It impacts on the school's results and the teacher's targets.

oh god --- just go and read some threads on EBSA and then come back.

Who gets upset when parents say that? I imagine it's the first line of defense when your kid starts refusing to go to school. For some lucky parents it works but for others it doesn't

There nothing wrong with saying it, but I doubt it will work. School refusal is much more complex.

YANBU, but know that it will make no difference.

I was a school refuser. I understood all of that, and still couldn't make myself want to go to school.

And TBH, I didn't need to. I got decent exam results (despite barely any attendance), went to uni, and a good job. So I was right.

Why didn’t anyone think of that!? Utter brilliance.

Who gets upset at that?

(It doesn't work, also)

The children aren't sent the fines though?

Not a parent’s problem to worry about.

It doesn’t always work the same way for every parent or child. My post was more aimed at the general discomfort I’ve noticed around the idea of being firm at all, even when it’s not about a refusal situation yet. I’ve seen people online act like setting clear expectations is somehow harsh or unkind, when to me it just feels honest and necessary.

Wow - you've just refreshed a memory of the pastoral care woman looking at me with what she thought was a serious, concerned, caring look and saying 'now Teddy, you do know that you must come to school' as if that was some kind of revelation I needed to solve it all.

@ilovesooty In what way does it impact on a teacher’s targets?

Many children who are school refusers are suffering from severe anxiety and other mh problems and that kind of hardline attitude can just increase their anxiety

You’d think it’d be common ground but plenty of people react negatively when parents say things like this out loud - that’s what prompted the post.

Yeah, I loved being told by my daughter's teachers that school is important and absence causes lost learning as though I didn't know that and wasn't standing there, late for my own teaching job 🙄

No but they’re the ones whose future it affects - academically, socially, and emotionally. The point is that the consequences of missing school fall on the child in the long run, even if the fines go to the parent.

Parents tend to worry when the school their child attends gets negative Ofsted reports.

But the statement just isn’t true. There are other options, and the consequences and impact of forcing unhappy or anxious children to attend school are potentially greater for them than non-attendance.

Because if the child doesn't attend and gets poor results or doesn't sit exams the teacher's targets are affected, laying them open to capability procedures.

What does 'not optional' mean in practice?

None of this is the responsibility of the parent of a school refuser.

If the Ofsted system is crap, that's a national policy issue.

If all it takes is just being a bit firm with the child then that's great? I can't see anyone having an issue with that.

It's not going to work for children with EBSA but if the child is absolutely fine at school and just trying it on a bit then firmly telling them to go isn't a problem.

Thanks, that makes sense now, I was thinking of primary age. I haven’t heard of that happening to secondary teachers in Scotland if a poor result/no award is due to low attendance.

Why would there be anything wrong with it? DS starts high school tomorrow and I've already warned him that if I ever get notified that he hasn't been turning up for lessons, I will embarass him by walking him from room to room myself.

That it’s a legal requirement and not a lifestyle choice. Unless there’s a valid reason (like illness or exceptional circumstances), you’re expected to attend - just like a job or any other formal commitment.