To think there is nothing wrong with saying: “School is not optional, there will be consequences if you don’t attend, and the only person this’ll impact is you?

[ThatAmberBee]

I don’t understand why some people get so upset when parents are firm about school attendance. At the end of the day, missing school only hurts the child, and they’re the ones who’ll face the consequences in the long run. Isn’t it fair to make that clear?

Attending school isn't a legal requirement, it definitely is a lifestyle choice.

It very much depends on why the child is not attending.

Education is a legal requirement but attending a specific school or in fact any school is not. The difference is if an adult is desperately unhappy at work, perhaps being bullied, or suffering from mh problems exacerbated by their work then they are able to find a new job and leave, they arent forced to stay in that environment.

Exactly, this post wasn’t about kids with EBSA or SEND needs and I completely agree those require a different approach. I meant when there’s no underlying issue and it’s more about pushing boundaries or habit. In that case, I think it’s reasonable to set clear expectations and be firm.

There is no legal requirement to attend school.
There are other options.

I said this to my DD for some time but until you've dealt with your own DC completely distraught and begging you not to send them in, you don't know how you will react. Three years, diagnoses of autism and various mental health conditions later we finally have some online learning in place and are cobbling together other bits at home in the hope she will be able to come out with enough GCSE grades to have some options for her future. Would I rather my DC were at school studying for her exams? 100%. But until you've been in that awful position you aren't in a place to be telling other parents what they should do.

Honestly I love this energy. Sometimes a little humour and follow-through is exactly what gets the message across. Hope the first day goes smoothly for him!

And adults can choose what job to do in the first place, they can hopefully find a job that fits their skills and interests, children are forced to go to schools where the curriculum is rigid and inflexible and often completely unsuitable particularly if they have sen

Well that wasn't what you said in your OP 🤷‍♂️

Depends on why the kid isn't going.
For some, it would be like saying "you must stick your hand in that bucket of wasps, it's not optional, there will be consequences...etc"
If a kid has a genuine anxiety around school it wouldn't make any difference. They're terrified..they know they should go... But if you're terrified you're terrified. Doesn't really matter someone telling you it's for the best etc..

A child missing a couple of days here and there won’t make a blind bit of difference.

How long before he works out you wouldn't be allowed to?

But attending school isn't a legal requirement.

And attending a job is optional. There are good reasons for doing it and there will be consequences for not attending (no wages) but no one can compel you to attend.

An 'expectation' is only an expectation. It's still up to the individual whether they do it.

School would stop you, he will know this, you make yourself less authoritative when you make empty threats.

Who has ever said it isn't though? Sounds like you're arguing against no one.

I would be where I live.

The problem with that is, that for many dc , especially those with undiagnosed ND, the breakdown of school is the first tangible evidence of their underlying SEN.
Applying the "school's not optional" approach can cause immense damage and make a difficult situation into a damaging and traumatic one. For those of us who have experienced that, it is so frustrating to read such simplistic and damaging opinions bandied about.

It's not sn empty threat. Where I live it is entirely possible.

An amusing threat, but it won't take him long to realise that school would not allow a parent to do that!

Who gets upset?

And how do you get a child over the age of carrying age into school?

Here you wouldn't be allowed inside the school without a DBS unless accompanied. Very disturbing that people can just wander in and out at your child's school.

As I've already said, where I live they would.

Ah humiliation, what a brilliant parenting tool.

It’s a discussion forum - people are sharing views. No one said it wasn’t okay to be firm but some replies were questioning the framing, so I clarified what I meant. That’s not “arguing against no one”, it’s just conversation.

Well then I think that should have been front and centre of your OP because that's ALL this thread will be about. There are a few basic positions to hold on this:

1. No underlying issues, kid is just lazy, bored, whatever and needs to crack on. Fine
2. Kid is lazy, bored, disruptive because the school is ill suited to them. Maybe home education is an option if parents are willing and able or a different ethos school
3. Attendance is down due to unmet needs / SEN and no amount of discipline is going to improve this.