New man’s house is filthy

[merrygoroundsss]

Not really sure what to do here!

The new guy I’ve been seeing is lovely. We really hit it off and have a lot in common. He treats me well and puts in a lot of effort.

Just to give you some background, I have some OCD tendencies, especially when it comes to cleanliness. My house isn’t perfect, but it’s clean and tidy. He knows this.

He currently has 2 dogs, but he used to have 9 (not sure why, something related to his ex) and they trashed the house. His ex moved out at the start of the year. I'm not sure if things were like this while she was living there or if it started after she moved out. He told me prior to my visit that his house wasn't as clean as mine, but he was making an effort to improve it, though it might take some time. I didn’t expect much, but when I visited his house for the first time yesterday, I was gutted. It was filthy.
Picture dirty, grimy, and sticky. There were dog hairs everywhere. They’re allowed in every room, on the sofa, beds, you name it. He attempted to clean up before I arrived, which is probably why I feel bad for feeling this way, but his whole house needs several deep cleans!

I don’t think he hoovers, so when he mops, he’s just pushing the dirt and dog hairs around. The bathroom was especially awful. I don’t think the toilet had been cleaned in months (there were skid marks, the bowl was black, and the toilet seat was dirty too). The bathroom also had a strong smell of dog urine. He does mop up any accidents but I guess the urine has just soaked into the floor or something?! I kept my socks on while I was there, but he was walking around barefoot and his feet were black! The back garden was a mess too with dog shit and rubbish everywhere.

If I want to keep the relationship going, I need to spend more time at his house because of the dogs. I wouldn’t mind it if the house was actually clean. I’m supposed to stay there again next week, but just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I feel terrible though, because he’s said he’s trying to sort it, so he’s not in denial or ignoring the issue. But when I left early this morning to come home, he said he was just going to have a lazy day before he had work tomorrow, which showed no effort to clean up or even start tackling the mess.

WTF do I do? I really like this guy, and aside from this one issue, he's great!

Can you give us any insights into how he came to be like that?

Sadly, this is only putting a plaster on the wound and not getting to the bottom of why he lives in squalor. Far too often, people have a deep clean foisted on them by well-meaning friends and family and even appear pleased at the time but within weeks the house is back to the same state it was before. A person has to really want to change for themselves. Even then, it is more often than not extremely difficult for them.

This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read. Not only is he filthy, he decided the only effort you were worth going to was to give his unhoovered floors a once over with the piss mop of doom. He thinks it’s perfectly acceptable for you to use a shit stained toilet and sleep in dirty sheets and you went along with it!

Do not allow yourself to be disrespected further, and get rid. The man is repulsive.

Probably related to mental
health, lovely funny person to be around and although his home was
nowhere near what I would consider great it was clean enough but whenever I popped over last minute I was disgusted and the more
comfortable he got I was just like nope. He works hard etc but he is a complete slob and for me that is a major turn off. I don’t see him very much now but he is nice
company and I like him but too repulsive for a relationship it I would I end up
clinging on the edge of the bed so he didn’t touch me because I didn’t have the heart to see you are disgusting.

Yes this covers it!

I'm a scruffy creature, my house gets in a state because I struggle to organise and prioritise. But even a slob like me would make sure the essentials were clean for a guest - at the absolute bare minimum a clean toilet and clean food prep surfaces. (Although I'd do more in reality). The fact that he couldn't even be arsed to do that would have me running for the hills.

I can only think that those who choose to live like this are not too fussed either way about being in a relationship?

“Piss mop of doom” 🤣

Same here. And this is the ‘honeymoon period’, when he’s showing his best side!

Personally I do not think they should even try to be in relationship. I am not OCD but my house is really clean. To me if someone can live in filth there is no compatibility there at all. They need to find their own waynetta slob

If anything is a deal breaker, it's living in filth and pee stench and a shit stained toilet.

Run. Do not clean, just stay far away. There's deep issues there.

Oh god no. Even just having had 9 dogs at one point should have been enough of a red flag tbh. Thats such a chaotic, squalid way to live, unless you have some huge country house and staff to help or something

Vile! I felt sick just reading that.
Complete turn off, I couldn’t stay in that hovel or have him & his filthy dog hair feet anywhere near me.

I cannot believe that you stayed long enough to need to use the toilet. I wouldn't have even sat down, removed my shoes or had a brew. I presume he has a gold plated cock! 🪙 🍆

The thing is he's a scruff by nature. The house will be minty again in no time as he seems too lazy to keep it up.

Thanks for all your comments. I'm still working my way through them.

I actually managed to stay after having quite a lot to drink! We went to the pub and by the time we got back home, I was pretty tipsy which definitely made it easier. I left early this morning.

I'm not sure who asked this, but I’m guessing the urine smell in the bathroom is from the dogs. I don’t think it’s from him. The landing between the bathroom and bedrooms also has the same smell and I doubt he’s pissing in the hallway (you never know though I suppose). The dogs have free reign and go wherever they want.

He should’ve made sure the toilet was clean as a minimum.

How does he plan to tackle it? He probably needs to get some professional support,

I suppose it’s up to you but I think you need to tell him you can’t be at his house until it’s sorted.

I feel itchy and dirty just reading your description OP.

There's no excuse for a functioning adult to live in a house in that state.

Which means this is how he chooses to live.

If you enter a serious relationship with him you will be entirely responsible for cleaning, tidying and hygiene in the house.

You need to get rid.

Could you employ a cleaner? The whole purpose of disablement benefits is to make your life easier, a cleaner surely would.

Oh come off it! Nobodies toilet gets that filthy that quick! Nor does the smell of dog piss appear that strong unless its been going on a while! Nor do floors get to that state in that time frame. That's built up from not being cleaned. So yes, she has to have been responsible too. He hasn't got his act together since she left and actively done something about it!
I'm stating the bleeding obvious, not woman shaming! 🙄

You and the dogs actually deserve better than this, he has made a choice to live like a disgusting slob, he made no real effort at all, he probably just meant he picked up the rubbish lying around.
He thinks it's fine to leave shitty marks in his toilet for you to look at..... how romantic.

Stop rewarding filthy fuckers like this with sex or relationships, they don't deserve it.

You can’t seriously want to continue a relationship with someone who has a house like that! Especially the toilet yum

You actually stayed😝

I've got one dog and 3 cats in my home & it's not filthy like his. There's no way he can't manage to keep his clean & tidy. He's making excuses cos he can't be bothered, which is not a good sign.

Tell him he needs to hire a cleaning company to do a very deep clean.

I couldn't continue, knowing he's a lazy arse when it comes to keeping his home clean.

How's his personal hygiene? I can't imagine the state of his bathroom.

I'm a Horrendous Slattern, but I'd be freaked out by that. And it's not her that needs the cleaner.

Yes a deep clean is needed. But he absolutely needs to shell out for it. Otherwise he might be hoping you do it out of horror/ kindness, he'll call you and Angel and might even propose, and he'll do it All Over Again.

The poor dogs, being made to live like that.

I don't believe the dogs happen to be peeing in the bathroom more than any other room. Its him! You've seen him at his best - run!