I’m post-divorce, mid 30s, 4yo DD and in a relationship with a man for the last year. The relationship is good in lots of ways. I’m ashamed to say though that I broke his trust. I told some white lies and then tried to cover them up, and the truth came out in bits and pieces. Although none of the lies were about deal-breaking topics, it’s the broken trust that’s hurt him a lot.
He has always been quite unpredictable and volatile in his moods and reactions and that obviously raises a red flag for me. He has ADHD so some of it could be about emotional regulation, although I know that’s not an excuse. I was always just trying to keep the peace by avoiding (lying about) things I thought might provoke a reaction from him. Unfortunately it was how I was brought up. I’m learning and I know I wouldn’t repeat it, whether with him or someone else in my future.
He has asked for something that has particularly concerned me. I have always enjoyed spa days, whether alone or with a friend, partner or my mum. However, my partner has expressed discomfort at the idea of me going alone or with a friend. I think he sees spas as sexual places. I wholeheartedly disagree and have spelled out how much joy I get from a day alone or with a good female friend and the lack of sex in these places.
I have never done anything that would suggest I’m a cheater. I’ve offered up a lot in the name of accountability and repair - passwords, access to my phone, location sharing.
So AIBU to not concede to this? Should I be seeking some sort of compromise? Am I choosing a spa over my partner, or is this a bigger, more worrying thing? Is he BU for asking this?