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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party etiquette - will this cause a family argument?

121 replies

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:03

I have two siblings, one is a full sibling I grew up with, the other is a half sibling who I only got to know recently, as an adult. We all have DC of similar ages. My DC get on ok with both sets of cousins, though tend to play better with the DC of my half sibling, due to closer ages and similar interests and personalities.

I'm sorting my DD's birthday party and the activity she has requested will be something half siblings DC will enjoy but full siblings DC probably wouldn't. WIBU to invite the half cousins while not inviting the full cousins?

I'm not trying to upset anyone, and care about both siblings and all the nephews and niece's. The preference for who to invite is based solely on which kids would participate and enjoy the party, but I'm slightly worried that my mum, who will be attending, will be upset that her grandchildren weren't invited while the other cousins were.

OP posts:
Teeheehee1579 · 16/08/2025 19:04

Well only you know your family but I would think your full sibling will be upset, yes.

Throwitawayagain · 16/08/2025 19:05

Can you invite them all? And say if they don't fancy it you can meet up another time? Or are numbers/costs capped?

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:06

Well yes I would imagine the other sibling and cousins will be upset. I think in this instance you extend the invite even if it's something you don't think they would enjoy as much as the other cousins. Anything else is just unkind.

Hatty65 · 16/08/2025 19:10

YWBU. Just invite them all, and if they want to come they can.

Of course sibling/DC will be hurt if it looks like you've now replaced them with new, exciting, shiny half cousins you've recently met. Don't do this and NOT expect to cause hurt feelings and family rows.

Original poster
Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:12

Throwitawayagain · 16/08/2025 19:05

Can you invite them all? And say if they don't fancy it you can meet up another time? Or are numbers/costs capped?

I could invite all and if I did they would feel obliged to come, however 2 out of 3 children would almost certainly spend the whole party sat at the side and possibly get upset (it's a loud, boisterous activity and these kids are quite sensory sensitive). It cost close to £20/child, so it would mean spending £60 to have them sit in a corner crying, so a lose-lose situation.

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 16/08/2025 19:13

No, don't do that, its not worth the fallout.
I would be very hurt if my sister didn't invite my kids. Think of the bigger picture.

Createausername1970 · 16/08/2025 19:14

Invite everyone. If it's something they don't want to do they can decline, but at least give them the option.

Edited as you posted just as I was typing.

Invite all, but say to your sibling that you appreciate this isn't their kids cup of tea so you are happy to do something separate with them as well.

Bloodyhrt · 16/08/2025 19:14

Yeah that would really upset a full sibling I think.

what age are the kids? Do you have to invite any of them? Can’t you do a school friends party and a family tea another day?

ForWarmPeachBird · 16/08/2025 19:14

No cousins and invite only friends.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 16/08/2025 19:15

Could you speak to full sibling and ask if their dc would want to come or prefer more of a pizza party at home?

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:15

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:12

I could invite all and if I did they would feel obliged to come, however 2 out of 3 children would almost certainly spend the whole party sat at the side and possibly get upset (it's a loud, boisterous activity and these kids are quite sensory sensitive). It cost close to £20/child, so it would mean spending £60 to have them sit in a corner crying, so a lose-lose situation.

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If you think they will come even if they won't like it and you don't want to waste money then I wouldn't invite any of them and just keep it to school friends and do something separate as a family.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 16/08/2025 19:15

Get intouch and say your DD has requested xyz for her birthday and ask if her cousins would be interested in going as you need to get the numbers in inorder to secure the booking.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/08/2025 19:16

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:12

I could invite all and if I did they would feel obliged to come, however 2 out of 3 children would almost certainly spend the whole party sat at the side and possibly get upset (it's a loud, boisterous activity and these kids are quite sensory sensitive). It cost close to £20/child, so it would mean spending £60 to have them sit in a corner crying, so a lose-lose situation.

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I'd probably do something else then tbh.

legalseagull · 16/08/2025 19:17

Invite them but say “if it’s not their thing we can have a pizza party at home with them seperately”

Notateacheranymore · 16/08/2025 19:17

OR, and hear me out here, you could speak to your sibling and say “DC wants to do this for their birthday, it’ll cost you £X per DC. Do you/they want to come?

Far better than trying to read your sib’s mind and that of their children.

DelphiniumBlue · 16/08/2025 19:18

Tell the parents of the kids with the sensory issues that you are aware that little Johnny struggles with the venue you have in mind, and so you are thinking of arranging another separate, quieter event ( picnic in the woods/park/grandmas garden )so that they can celebrate too, unless they actually want to come to the noisy one.

BondAway25 · 16/08/2025 19:18

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:15

If you think they will come even if they won't like it and you don't want to waste money then I wouldn't invite any of them and just keep it to school friends and do something separate as a family.

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I'd do this, that many kids (with yours) is a party in its own! Invite Grandoatents to that one. Then just have their friends at the other one

BreadInCaptivity · 16/08/2025 19:19

Why not just ask your sibling? Maybe suggest meeting up at a different time to do something else instead?

Your children should not be restricted re: their party activity but it’s polite to acknowledge that it won’t suit some cousins and just address that head on rather than simply not inviting them.

Original poster
Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:22

Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/08/2025 19:16

I'd probably do something else then tbh.

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DD has been asking for this specific party for months, so I don't really want to say no to accommodate cousins she sees a few times a year, it is her birthday.

I think not inviting either is probably the way forward, which is a shame as I don't like children missing out due to family politics.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 16/08/2025 19:23

Why not explain it to your sibling as you have done here? “DD really wants X party. Obviously, it’d be great to see John and Jane if they fancy it - but I did say to DD that it might not be their cup of tea and they might prefer to go for a pizza/the cinema (or whatever) with you another time? What do you think?” You can discuss it and let your sibling decide. You can ask your mum to come along if you decide to have a second party as well.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/08/2025 19:23

I think the options here are:
Invite friends only and not family
Do a completely different activity that everyone will enjoy as a birthday activity, and a separate date (more casual 'we're going here if anyone fancies it') to do the activity with friends
Invite your full siblings kids but have an honest conversation how you're not sure it's for them, and if they'd not enjoy it then you're happy to put the money that you would have spent on lunch / ice cream in the park etc

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:24

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:22

DD has been asking for this specific party for months, so I don't really want to say no to accommodate cousins she sees a few times a year, it is her birthday.

I think not inviting either is probably the way forward, which is a shame as I don't like children missing out due to family politics.

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They won't be missing out through if you do something separately for the family children. It's pretty normal to not include cousins and have friends only.

HeddaGarbled · 16/08/2025 19:25

Of course sibling/DC will be hurt if it looks like you've now replaced them with new, exciting, shiny half cousins you've recently met

Yup - I think that’s what it will look like despite what seems like a reasonable reason to you.

HideousKinky · 16/08/2025 19:28

Could you speak to your full sibling about it, explaining what you have said here?

Catwoman8 · 16/08/2025 19:30

Could you do the expensive soft play type party for friends only, and then if you want to do something with the family children, you could do something cheap and low key with them all?