Party etiquette - will this cause a family argument?

[Sprogonthetyne]

I have two siblings, one is a full sibling I grew up with, the other is a half sibling who I only got to know recently, as an adult. We all have DC of similar ages. My DC get on ok with both sets of cousins, though tend to play better with the DC of my half sibling, due to closer ages and similar interests and personalities.

I'm sorting my DD's birthday party and the activity she has requested will be something half siblings DC will enjoy but full siblings DC probably wouldn't. WIBU to invite the half cousins while not inviting the full cousins?

I'm not trying to upset anyone, and care about both siblings and all the nephews and niece's. The preference for who to invite is based solely on which kids would participate and enjoy the party, but I'm slightly worried that my mum, who will be attending, will be upset that her grandchildren weren't invited while the other cousins were.

Invite all or none, OP. If you don’t want the full then don’t ask the half.

Can you speak to your full sibling about it? Explain the cost implication if their dc want to come but don’t want to participate

2 smaller parties? Ask for numbers for each preference..... Bit risky any other way imo.

I wouldn't call it politics, it would be very normal for one sibling to feel left out if the other were invited, with no explanation.

Could you not talk to your sibling? Explain exactly what you have here and ask if they'd like to meet at Macdonald's after the activity for example?

So the birthday child shouldn't do what they want for their birthday. As above, invite but ask 'do they want to take part, or prefer a pizza party or something else?'

I’d do this too. Speak to your sibling and explain there’s no obligation for them to come

Meet up with both sets of cousins would be difficult as full sibling doesn't drive, so would need our DM to come and give them a lift. It would be much more awkward for half sibling and DM to be in a small group, then in the big party where they're just part of the crowd.

Could do party then two separate outings, but three 'parties' feels a bit much, so the extra birthdays would all need to be very low key. That would be a bonus for the sensitive cousins but less fun then the main party would have been for the other ones.

Why not speak to full sibling? Explain what DC wants to do and ask whether they think their kids would enjoy it as it's expensive if they don't join in and they will miss out on the fun.

This seems the obvious solution to me. I have done similar. My son had a football themed party, one nephew came along, my niece and much older nephew didn't as they wouldn't have enjoyed it. They came to our house for pizza and birthday cake the day after.

I don't understand why it has to be an issue to be honest. Why would your sibling want her kids to come to something they won't enjoy? As long as you speak to them first then what's the problem?

Speak to your mum and your sibling (obviously). Why wouldn't you?

Either invite all and let siblings decide if they want to attend. Or invite none and do a family meet up at a different time

Just ask them?

I'd invite all but make it clear you don't expect everyone else to come if the activity isn't their thing, and if they don't fancy it, you will meet up separately

Or I'd invite no cousins and just have friends for party.

I think either invite no family to this party (and do something different with family, even if only a low-key meal and playdate) or discuss it with your full sibling, raising your concerns and the possibility of meeting them another time instead. Which I'd choose would depend on how well you and your sibling communicate and how honest you are with one another.

Just make a phone call.
Once upon a time, many years ago, we all did that.
It was quite effective.

Just ask your sibling if the children would like to go. Not inviting them could be really upsetting for them.

Why don’t you have an honest conversation with the sibling? My brother did this recently. His boy was having a trampolining party. My children don’t enjoy trampolining- he said obviously they would be invited but it was trampolining and as he was paying per child would they really join in. I said no and so we agreed they wouldn’t go. No feelings hurt. My children were not bothered as they don’t like the activity.

The party is about your DDs wishes, not those of others. They can come or not.

How old are they?

What sort of little kids party entertainment would leave some kids crying in a corner?
What on earth have you booked?

Laser quest, rock climbing, paint balling, hire wire adventure course?

I would just have a quiet chat with the full sibling ' we are doing this loud activity for DD birthday, other cousins will love it but not sure if your kids will, would you like to come or should we meet up with you separately and do something else to celebrate another day soon'?

My daughter struggled with parties in general but specific things that were challenges- loud music, flashing lights, any sort of chaotic party games. I didn’t always know what the party would be like so did end up with her hiding on my lap many times until I figured out what questions to ask. Can totally see how someone might feel obliged to come to something despite being fairly certain their kids would hate it. Sometimes my daughter would surprise me and have a great time so I didn’t always want to restrict her from trying.

In this scenario I’d either (easy) invite neither or (trickier) have an honest chat with your sister about how you’d never want to make things harder so what would be best for her and her kids.

I don't understand how this has become an issue. The answer is so obvious and simple - just communicate!

Invite everyone but say to your full sibling that if their DC wouldn't enjoy it then its OK for them not to come and you can do something separate at another time, but you wanted to give them the choice.

Speak to your sibling. Tell them the situation as you have explained it here and say you will send an invite but that they are very welcome to decline it if their dc don’t want to go. If they are upset at the choice of activity acknowledge that and say that your dc really want to do it so you are going ahead anyway and maybe you can do something else together another time or after the activity. You just need to pick up the phone and have a conversation, allowing feelings to be expressed and acknowledged on both sides.