Party etiquette - will this cause a family argument?

[Sprogonthetyne]

I have two siblings, one is a full sibling I grew up with, the other is a half sibling who I only got to know recently, as an adult. We all have DC of similar ages. My DC get on ok with both sets of cousins, though tend to play better with the DC of my half sibling, due to closer ages and similar interests and personalities.

I'm sorting my DD's birthday party and the activity she has requested will be something half siblings DC will enjoy but full siblings DC probably wouldn't. WIBU to invite the half cousins while not inviting the full cousins?

I'm not trying to upset anyone, and care about both siblings and all the nephews and niece's. The preference for who to invite is based solely on which kids would participate and enjoy the party, but I'm slightly worried that my mum, who will be attending, will be upset that her grandchildren weren't invited while the other cousins were.

YABVU to not just invite them all!

It’s your dd party and she should do what she enjoys, the other dc and adults can come or not come but don’t make a drama out of it.

I would say “We are doing this and obviously Jemima and Jeremy are invited. If you think it’s not going to be their thing though, I know DD would love to see them for birthday cake/tea/picnic/park trip (whatever you think would be jointly enjoyed) on this date? Let me know what you think they’d like best?

It’s all about communication. Phone full sibling and have a conversation about it. They could actually check with the cousins about whether or not they want to do the activity. If they don’t you just make plans to see them another time.

Just invite them all, explain to your sibling what the party will be like and they don’t need to come if they won’t enjoy it.

2 out of 3 children may sit out which is £40 but it’s £40 well spent if it avoids family drama.

Assuming something like LaserTag run around for a bit, and then food. Is it possible they could come just to the food part?
I think 60 quid, is not too steep a price for avoiding a family conflict to be honest.

I can’t believe not inviting the full sibling’s children (or at least having a conversation first) is even entering your head! Of course your sibling would be hurt!
Just communicate for goodness sake. Either that, or don’t invite any of the cousins and invite school friends instead.
I’d love to know what this amazing party is btw!

Ah sorry @Sprogonthetyne just saw that full sib can't come unless your dm comes too, which would then poss cause issue if she see half sib and kids?
Surely she realises that half sib won't have had any saying in her being born?

I would definitely spend £40 on avoiding family conflict

Saving £60 - not worth the offence. It’s not nice to exclude. Surely they can decline if it’s not something they’d like?
I have a child with autism so he can be sensitive and I’ll tell you now it hurts like hell when he has not been invited to parties purely because others assume they know best about what he will/wont enjoy.

1. he’d like the invite and to know he was included.
2. we’d politely decline if its something we know he wouldn’t enjoy it.
3. sometimes he would enjoy some activities you’d be surprised at. Or could enjoy them with adaptations (ear defenders for example).

I’ve had other parents tell me they didn’t invite him to an activity party because their child said he wouldn’t enjoy it (we’d been 2 weeks before and he loved it). I didn’t say anything but I won’t forget - I doubt your sister would.

Invite everybody but explain to your sibling what the activity is and ask them to check with their DC that they will be ok doing it but if not they could join you for the cake part afterwards.

Ring them up and ask if they'd like to be included? Just come for tea? Meet at another time?

I would personally invite them all and then leave it up to the parents to decide if their children want to go or not.

Invite them all ...

Why cant you invite everyone but tell your sibling no hard feelings if their children wouldnt like it

This is a teaching moment for your daughter. Her birthday party is not just about her, it’s kind to choose an activity that the other children will enjoy as well. She can do the other thing at another time.

When? If she has to put other people's wants above hers on her birthday, what day does she get to do what she wants?

Are you seriously suggesting she won’t have any other opportunity to do what she wants at any other time of the year. What a stupid comment.

I mean if her best friend was deaf, should she go to a musical for her birthday?

Well @GiveDogBone given youre vitriol here, I can imagine youd probably have that response any time she wanted to something for herself..
'How selfish of you!!! #bekind others before you always!!'

All or none OP otherwise you will probably cause upset.

How is some of the children not liking the activity 'family politics'?

You already seem to know the answer. So, I think I would invite them all but with a detailed explanation of what the event entails. Then you can go on to say, if anyone doesn’t want to attend the activity then they are very welcome to join for the meal/cake afterwards - if that’s what you’re planning, of course. Wouldn’t that be a good compromise?

Regardless of the relationship or dynamic, its never a good idea to not invite people to something because you think they wouldn't enjoy it. Its their job to decide that and accept or decline as they see fit. Your job as the host is to phrase the invitation in such a way they'll feel comfortable to do either. So "We're doing this, but given DC don't enjoy (whatever) if you'd prefer to give it a miss and we can plan something else with them, that's not a problem".

I think it's that full sibling can't come without their DM. The family politics is DM won't be happy seeing half sibs because of their mum being the OW who their dad left them for.

Because if DD didn't want the other set of cousin there, then there would be no problem not inviting the cousins that won't like it. In previous years they have come to some and not others, and we have been invited to some and not others of theirs. However now DD has some friends she would like at her party and who happen to be related (to her that's very secondary), and due to family politics I have to choose between excluding one set of children or forcing another set of children into a situation they will find destressing.

All of which could be avoided if you did a different party. Take her to whatever the activity is separately and have a different 'party' that all guests can access happily.

Or don't invite either set, and have a family party later.

Or just invite them and suck up the cost of they don't like it. It wouldn't cross my mind to begrudge it.