Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Did she not take the HMO because you were worriedabout her safety?
She should have moved in there.

And no, never in a million years would I let my ex live with me, homeless or not.

It makes no difference whether your ex is male or female.

Given the "nastiness" that has gone before, absolutely not. Not your ex-circus, not your ex-monkeys. Besides, if ex moves in, they're no longer homeless, so no longer a priority.

No. Why is he my responsibility? I’d wonder why he has nobody else too?

No way

Don’t do it

Right, so it's not literally the only other option for her to sleep in her car. She was offered a perfectly acceptable form of housing that I, and many other people, have used at different stages of life.

Your being "worried about her safety" to that extent suggests you want her to live with you. Maybe you want to be the hero or the rescue.
But she has been offered alternative accommodation, so please don't say her choices are the car or your house, because it's just not true.

This would be very confusing for the children.
The bad decisions are not your problem.

You hope to be "strict"and make her get a job? That's not going to work. Read the many stories on here of (usually female) posters tearing their hair over cocklodging men who are quite happy to sit around doing nothing, usually claiming mental health issues mean they can't work, conveniently having a breakdown every time they are asked to do something. (This is not bashing those who are genuinely mentally unwell)
You will have exactly the same scenario and good luck trying to get her out again once she's in.

He will have been given options re housing but perhaps didn’t fancy them. If he comes to live with you he will no longer be classified as homeless and will not be a priority for housing.
Just don’t OP as evicting him will be very difficult when his old behaviours resurrect themselves.

No, dont let them stay with you. I fully understand feeling compassion and empathy for others. But you need to protect yourself. If you struggling with the feelings seek help to deal with them. Its good to be a good person, but sometimes people like that need to hit rock bottom to change. Listen to everywhere here, no just no.

Reading your subsequent replies, you sound very enmeshed with her still - you feel sorry for her, you intend to ‘be strict’ and help her turn her life around, you’re worried she wouldn’t be safe in a HMO etc. But she’s your ex - presumably for very good reasons, given you have full custody - and her situation is not your problem to solve.

You need to step back, stop over-functioning and maintain better boundaries. Don’t let her chaos into your children’s home.

I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire, much less have him in my house.

Not a fucking chance.

He made my life absolute hell before we got divorced and for many years during and after. I've often thought our lives would be easier if he had died rather than be part of an ongoing trauma.

If he was facing homelessness it would be because of a series of bad choices and financial ruin due to alcoholism. I wouldn't take that on again in a million years.

No, they’re an ex for a reason and I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a blunt pencil.

Her not him. Updated posts from OP.

No. The very fact she has asked someone she bullied and abused over social media shows the sort of person she is, and what you can expect again when you are no longer of use.

She will be fine - these types always are. Maybe she can doss with her social media supporters?

I would guess she wants you back as her 'provider' until she can find some other bloke to pay for her.

Yes - did she turn down the HMO based on you telling her it wasn’t safe? What did you think she would do instead? What reason did she give for turning down the HMO?

No. If the separation had been very amicable, perhaps.
It's telling that the only person in her life considering helping her is an ex who she directed her nasty streak at and told lies about. You reap what you sow.

No. If they were nasty during and after the divorce, they can go fuck themselves. I don’t know why you’d even consider it.

If we had come out of the divorce as friends and we were coparenting very well together, I’d consider it as a temporary measure with the understanding that he would be saving for a deposit on a new place etc.

I saw the genders and it doesn’t change my answer. However, if she turned down the chance at a HMO because of you scaremongering I do think maybe you owe her as it was spectacularly bad advice. She was dumb if she took it, but you should feel bad if she missed that opportunity because of you.

No, he is not your responsibility.

There are a couple of my ex's I'd put up for a while because they're fundamentally good people and I trust them. But there are others, the mother of my children definitely being one of them, that would be a hard no.

@Donotpanicoknowpanic what were the circumstances that meant you ended up with your children full-time?

No. He abused us.

No. It's telling that no other friends or family are helping either.

You'll be confusing the kids and she can get somewhere else being a lone female.

Please don't jeopardise your home.

My (hypothetical) ex, I would. Yours, I would not.

No. You have no responsibility for him at all.

OP he will work on you to resume your relationship so he has somewhere to live.
Don't do it.