Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Absolutely NO and why the fuck isn't she paying you CM????

An hmo isn't always a bad option, if you want to help can you support her to claim UC and look for a private rental? Housing element would pay for it. If the rate she will get only covers a shared house put a lock on the bedroom door for her if she's concerned about safety.

I don't have an ex I have children with, but if DH and I divorced I'd struggle I think to tell DC he was homeless when we had a spare room, so I do understand your predicament.

You can’t change her.

I’d offer no more than one night a week, but only if you have a spare room. Make it the same night every week. Eg a Wednesday or Thursday.

Nope No absolutely not

My current partner if he became an ex? Probably yes because he’s very tidy and not abusive.

My ex? Absolutely not, he can rot (well, he is, but hypothetically). Letting an abuser into your home after managing to leave would be insane.

I was prepared to join in with a general 'no'. But now you've given more detail, it's a more considered No, absolutely not. She needs to feel the weight of her poor decisions if she is ever to pull herself out op, you can't save her.

How old are the children? In any case, it sounds too hard for them to see a drama with their struggling mother and their father play out in front of their eyes in their safe space of their house. You have full custody for a reason I presume. It is not the right thing to expose them to all of this. The exit plan would be very difficult to make and very difficult to enforce, she is not going to suddenly spring into being self sufficient and grateful for a bed for a few nights, this would drag on and has the potential to get very messy.

I think whatever help you are willing to give - and I'd caution against becoming excessively involved - should be given from the sidelines. Filling out forms, looking things up, making some phonecalls etc. But otherwise you should protect yourself a bit as well as protecting the children. All the best.

Come on listen to yourself. They will only behave decently in your home if she's not asked to do anything? Is she a big baby or something ? Sometimes in the real world people ask you to do things so grow the fuck up. Only if you're a glutton for punishment and enjoy inviting problems into your life and your kids lives.

No f'ing way

Who turned the hmo down? Did she or did she do this following your input about her safety?

Yes I probably would. Unfortunately.

Do I think you should? Absolutely not.

No because the council will consider the problem solved homing wise

I think that you should count up the number of NO's.

You are stirring up history if you let her back in and think about the issues of trying to get rid.

Is there any lie that hasn't been deployed in this attempt to get back?

No.

She’s caused so much pain and upset and will drag you all back down again. Leopard’s don’t change their spots.

No. This is one for the council to solve which they won’t if you let her stay.

No.
And HMOs are fine. I lived in several as a mature student in my early 30s. Met some interesting characters for sure, but there was a lock in my bedroom door, I was always safe.

Absolutely not. Tell her to ring Shelter or go to CAB.

No.

Makes no difference she’s female. Don’t enable her. Unhealthy you are filling in the forms and making it your problem. There are organisations to help. Also some HMOs can be all female.
In many ways this is a non problem as you are choosing to get overly involved. Put her in touch with the relevant help sources and back off.

hard no

No

Nope.

Still no.

No

Not if they were unkind and nasty during a divorce, awful to family and then won't help in any way around the house, then no. 100% no, and the children enjoying being near them is somethijg they can facilitate out of the home. Won't it be confusing for them when they leave again if they do stay?