To think we are going to be broken into or worse

[14HoursToSaveTheEarth]

Apologies for the long post but please help me to understand if I am overreacting as I have no idea how I am going to sleep tonight or ever again in this house.

DS (17) has never been able to develop friendships at school and whenever he is placed in a social setting he comes over as much younger than his real age and is so desperate to be liked and to have friends that he does have a habit of over-sharing and trusting people who he probably shouldn't. Over the last 12 months or so, since leaving school, he is spending more and more time on his phone, which has exponentially increased this risk. I am not active on social media, but as an example in just a couple of months he has developed a network of thousands of "friends" on Snapchat largely from adding random people who he has never even spoken to and then blasting them with messages. Some respond and he immediately thinks they are his friends. We have been able to protect him from some obvious trolls and catfishes, but I am worried that he is now putting us and our other DCs at risk.

By way of background, as a family we are comfortably off and we do have quite a big house with a few acres of land in the countryside, about seven miles from the nearest town. However, my DS has no concept of money, and now seems to have convinced himself that we are millionaires with lots of cash to splurge. I don't know if he really believes this or if it is part of his fictional life to make himself more popular with his online "friends". We have explained to him the reality that we studied hard and worked hard and we have been very lucky, but we are really not rich by any means.

Anyhow, tonight my DD (14) came downstairs and said that basically he has been sharing messages via Snapchat and other SM sites with loads of people in the UK and overseas telling them that we are millionaires and how we have this huge mansion full of amazing stuff. The thing that really terrifies me is that when people came back to him online and either did not believe him or asked for more information, he has been sending them the precise location of our house, which is in the middle of nowhere.

DP and I have tried to explain to him how dangerous this is, but he just thinks he is being honest with people and that we should be proud of all our stuff and he really doesn't understand why we are worried.

I do think this is all part of him trying to show off to make friends, but I am now genuinely terrified that some random people that have seen or heard about his online messages are going to pull up outside our home at any minute to help themselves to all this amazing stuff they think is in our house, and god knows what they will do when they find our younger DCs asleep in their beds.

How on earth do I get DS to stop posting these crazy messages, which are already out there and can never be taken back anyway?

So please, tell me, AIBU and this is just a teenager being a bit silly and nothing will happen, or AINBU to be scared for the safety of my family and home and this fear could continue for as long as we live in this house as those messages including our location can never be unseen by any dodgy characters that have seen them?

Hi OP.

Police here. I would contact 101 and explain the situation. As someone mentioned it would be good to get to know your local PCSO who they / your forces crime prevention team will be able to give you some home security advice. They will be able to submit an intelligence report on your address showing that your son has been disclosing your location online, this can then ensure your address is on the polices radar, your location is known and patrols can take place.

Should you ever need to ring 999 being rural this will ensure your address can be located asap.

Your son needs to ensure his location on snapchat is off. Irrespective of his views he has created a potentially risky situation. Not only for burglaries but people trepassing, illegal meet ups (you have lots of land) drop off points etc etc.

Call 101 and ask to speak to your neighbourhood officers in person. They will arrange someone to come out.

Take care

You need to pay to get him assessed privately (use some of your millions or sell some of the stuff in your mansion ). Get a reputable psychiatrist or psychologist, check they are correctly registered with their professional body and read reviews. Also get him some CBT sessions with a psychologist who can explore his thinking on this and get him to manage the impulses to do this.
as another poster suggested get the local police to talk to him.
Get a security company round like Verisure and get a good system in.
or move house.

Nothing incoherent about my sentence. The passiveness and disinterest in his welfare is astonishing. But I stopped reading after the drip feeding started

You must understand that he's not mature enough for a phone.

He gets a brick with no Internet that he has for safety to and from school. If he kicks off, stand firm and say you aren't having him endangering the family.

I also agree that he sounds ND and you might want to discuss his behaviour with a GP, or ask his teachers if they've noticed anything.

Sounds like he ought to have had a private assessment years ago. He may not consent to that now. It sounds like he is so young for his age that he may struggle to live independently.

Why on earth haven't you taken his phone away before now?
He's obviously vulnerable and he's put the whole family at risk.

Op I think you are getting some awful responses on here I’m sorry. But There is one from a police officer - do look at that.

I can only assume a lot of people on here have no concept of childhood trauma in adopted children and the lasting damage that can do, coupled with the higher rates of learning difficulties which can present through to exposure in pregnancy to drugs and alcohol, as well as environmental factors like neglect in early childhood etc.

The boundaries you need here will need to be different. If you can afford any private interventions for healthcare do it! To me he sounds like he might have autism and adhd. That can be a very difficult mix in boys and spiral into trouble with police etc. That’s why I think you should get police on your side as he is heading to adult hood. But look at a diagnosis and look at some of the long lasting adhd treatments as these will calm his impulsivity enough to reason with him hopefully and then counselling might help. He will be highly unlikely to take up counselling in the state he seems to be in now - impulsive, defiant, volatile, irrational…

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like a terrible struggle. Try use this episode as a catalyst to really try get him help though as otherwise I think the whole family will suffer here.