To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Usually people who lack compassion for others have suffered themselves in life and have low self esteem. They tend to see others as they see themselves (unworthy of compassion) and therefore don't care.

I'd see a doctor about there because you're likely to pass your parenting style onto your children.

Yeah no good that is it! Were your parents like this or has something happened to make you this way!

Are you depressed in any way? If you never used to be like this.

I understand you might be in a hurry, but it’s important to consider the needs of others, especially those like me using wheelchairs who may rely on access more than you do. Prioritizing your own convenience in this way could come across as inconsiderate or self-focused, which might not align with fostering a kind and inclusive environment.

You just sound like you're on the Psychopath spectrum. Everyone has something 😅

I think some of what you said is kinda mean and some totally normal. Mostly I'll say I think you're more honest than the majority. A lot will pretend you're horrible and be exactly the same as you in private. Something I've picked up as I get older is that lots and lots of people are complete liars. A lot are attention seekers amd virtue signallers too. Being honest about it and thinking about it is a big step to changing it. I like to treat people on how I'd appreciate being treated. I always stop to let people cross for example because I'd rather they were seen across the road safely by me than risk being knocked down by someone else. I'm a wheelchair user and believe me, lots of people walk over the top of me, talk to my husband and ignore me, park in disabled spaces when they aren't entitled to and stand in front of me like I don't exist at lifts or disabled toilets to let me know you're not the only one that is like this.

😆

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

So you wouldn't be bothered if you killed somebody: Say that elderly person suddenly tripped you'd be driving at so fast a speed that you couldn't stop at a safe distance. How you'd feel if that elderly person was your mother or grandmother?

Shocking disregard for human life and the safety of others.

You just sound very unhappy and miserable.

I assume you’re not very attractive and probably don’t have many people who care for you.

I don’t care about gender reveals etc either but I would attend and show my support for a loved one because I want them to feel joy.

You sound like you would hate the idea of someone being happy.

I would figure out why you are so unhappy.
If you are overweight then diet and exercise.
If you aren’t naturally pretty then look into make up or some new clothes to fit your shape.
If your DP is not suitable then think about separating.

Life is too short to be miserable.

Don't get me wrong, the wheelchair thing is awful, but noone's mentioning not caring about a friend who just lost their pet?

I struggle to express my feelings and feel the right emotions sometimes, so I can understand a bit about how you might feel. To never slow down for people such as the elderly and to rush into disabled toilets ahead of the people that there designed for makes you a really shitty person though. I would never behave like that.

This is an interesting post. The OP sounds like she has compassion fatigue as opposed to not being nice which is very common. I wonder if she works in healthcare.

I think you've been given a hard time here. I don't relate to everything you've said in your OP but I think if most people were totally honest with themselves, they would be guilty of at least one of the things you listed. I see people on here slagging off gender reveals all the time! The ironic thing is that the people who have fallen over themselves to stick the knife in and tell you you're demonic in not so many words, are obviously no better than you or they would find a bit of compassion for someone who is clearly feeling at a low point and self sabotaging themselves as a means of emotional self harm.

Not a socio/psychopath. Just a bit of an ares who’s looking for attention and wants everyone to validate their TikTok self diagnosis I reckon.

The pet thing I kind of agree with, it’s the same as an old person dying of natural causes - you should be prepared that if you have a dog and it’s expected life is 15 years, then at 15 it will die and you need to be ready for that.

People being devastated for 3 weeks is a little long when you knew that, barring a world record, this was going to happen. I’d be devastated for a day or two and then mildly sad, then normal for the rest of time as it’s a natural thing.

You sound like a horrible person, but we are all different. I certainly would not want to be friends with you but other like minded people would.

I think that your feelings are perfectly normal and the fact that you acknowledge that you could be “kinder” demonstrates you are very emotionally aware. I also think that you are not in the minority, just that others would not admit to it like you have.
I am sure that there are more examples of genuine kind gestures you probably don’t even realise you do, that outnumber the negative examples you’ve given.
I share a lot of your examples and think that, for me, it’s basically down to my lack of patience - I am a very impatient person.
Also, having 3DC of my own, I’ve always wholeheartedly let everyone know that I do not like or tolerate other people’s children - only my own - and don’t feel bad about that at all.

The only think I don’t share with you is the loss of a pet or killing a snail or spider - I am an animal lover (love animals more than people) and have mourned the pets I’ve lost as if they were close family members. I also never ever kill any living creatures ……but at the same time understand that not everyone is like this and accept and understand those who do not understand the pain of the loss of a pet.

You clearly feel guilty about your lack of empathy so that must show that you are fundamentally a decent person - just with different values and priorities from the majority of the population. You say you are careful not to voice your feelings as they might hurt someone so that in itself shows your awareness of other people’s sensitivities. We’re all different. You don’t have to react in the same way as other people go. Just make sure your words and actions don’t hurt others.

I’ve know people who’ve had cancer and lived for months or years longer than they thought.
Theres no way people would get over their death in a couple of days.

Even if someone is old, grief does not follow a set time line.
Some people are not sad for weeks or months and then the grief hits them.

We all know that everything and everyone dies, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to struggle to come to terms with it for more than a couple of days.

I have not cried or gotten sad at any of my family or friends dying.
My friend died when I was 14 and everyone in assembly was in tears including the teachers, apart from me.

I am simply able to grieve without feeling sad.
I just rarely ever cry, even at movies or if I’m in pain etc.

However, my cat died a couple years ago and I still find myself crying about it sometimes.

It is definitely a different kind of grief but I would never judge someone for grieving in the ‘wrong’ way.

How do you feel about your DD?

Could you have some PND?

You sound normal-ish & about to be slaughtered by internet fibbers.

At least you recognise that you’re not very nice……many people don’t.

Most the things you mention I feel emotion for. I would let a disabled person go in front of me always, would slow down for the elderly whilst driving (though elderly drivers do drive me nuts some time), I would be upset if I trod on a snail or if someone lost a let I could show sympathy. I don’t like the idea of gender reveals though 😬 and don’t always feel anything towards other peoples children (though I would wish them no harm).

I often think I’m not a nice person because some things I just feel nothing for. I often can’t feel anything for other peoples good news and my reaction to an elderly person dying may be different to most (they were old….we are all going to die). I am autistic and I hate when people assume autistic people have no empathy, I have a lot of empathy, sometimes too much but other times I find it hard to give empathy for a situation I haven’t experienced myself. I don’t think this is the case with OP? OP sounds pretty selfish.

If this is a genuine post you desperately need help. If not, you are an effin psychopath, end of.

You sound to have a serious mental health concern