To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

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NC’d just in case

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

Your husband is an ill- mannered prat and both of you could try being grown ups and checking you have money/ cards/ phone before you leave the house if you're going shopping.

Your husband is the twat, as he left the means to pay at home, and a rude twat at that as he verbally said out aloud ( not even just in his mind thinking it ) the the other person is a twat - a twat for what ? replying when asked for his name

Is your husband always rude when he makes a mistake ? as let's not forget any mistakes made in this shopping scenario are his...

Quite 🙄

So why didn't you send him home to get his card while you waited? Surely that would have been better all around.

Both of you went out to a shop without either of you taking any means to pay! That does make you both look like twonks. There are ways of handling it though that would mitigate rather than inflame the situation and neither you nor DH seemed capable of using any of them.

Also, not many people go out without their phone these days. Phones are not just for phone calls, they are for everything, including paying for shopping in shops. You need to get with it.

I totally disagree with that. Any job is a responsibility to be done right. Doesn't matter how lowly or temporary it might be. You have a job, do it right.

I agree with your husband tbh

Why?

He needs to go and apologise. What a massive ick.

I am with your DH up until the twat comment, thats kind of when you have lost the argument then. I used to work in retail and there are so many people who are horrible just for the sake of it but your DH was right to be annoyed. I understand why you would be embarrassed though I hate confrontation.

You agree with a rude twat? Why so?

It says it was non food items

How was the cashier rude?

As pp said both men are at fault. I’d find the worker’s response extremely hostile and bizarre. It must happen all the time that people forget cards or can’t pay and all that’s needed is “we’ll keep the stuff aside for you” or “we can’t keep these off the shelves but might see you soon” or something. To completely ignore someone repeatedly is ill mannered to the point of being aggressive. Calling him a twat was wrong but you are not your husband so just go back in. You could apologise on his behalf if you think it will help future trips but I don’t think the server sounds like he’d appreciate it.

I would be embarrassed if my husband behaved like that. If that happened to us one of us would have asked for the shopping to be put on one side while we nipped home for money. If that was not an option we would have apologised and offered to put the things back. When we were outside we may have laughed and made a comment about the man being so cheerful and then perhaps pondered if he was having a bad day, feeling unwell or perhaps has Parkinson's disease and can't help his expressions Complete speculation but it is hard to feel angry if you take a relaxed approach. I really wonder why your husband acted as he did? What was he going to gain from asking the man's name? Reporting a person over something so minor seems silly the cashier would say your husband used unsuitable language (imo he did). You can bet your bottom dollar that other customers, regardless of the cashier's lack of skill would be thinking your husband is a complete numpty. But in the scheme of things by Sunday no one will remember and you can go back in without a disguise😂

@cosimarama it wasn't up to the assistant to create the solution. He was obviously waiting for one of them to perhaps go home to get means of payment, phone someone or put the items back.

does your dh thin hes reasonable for calling the shop asistant a twat for just looking grumpy

It’s not a solution it’s a basic response. An acknowledgment of being spoken to, being a participant in a human interaction. Manners separate us from beasts and all that.

That man did nothing more than 'look grumpy' (which is subjective anyway - I very much have a 'resting bitch face' and probably look grumpy more often than not!) - hardly cause for him to be called a "twat".

Your husband was embarrassed and over-reacted by trying to transfer the attention to the staff member. I would tell him there was only 1 twat in this situation.

Your husband was rude. Might find himself barred.

I mean it’s not GOOD customer service -that would be “don’t worry, it happens” said with a smile while they took the items back or an offer to put them aside for him if possible.

But equally it was a complete overreaction on your DH’s part - the chap didn’t say anything (whatever look he had on his face) and for all we know he was having a particularly lousy day so couldn’t muster up the usual fake smile and platitudes expected.

But however rude/nasty your DH reaction was, sadly most shop assistants will have seen and heard far worse. He might not even remember your husband after another few days of dealing with dodgy/difficult customers, let alone the woman (you) that happened to be with him but didn’t insult him. So nothing for you to be embarrassed about. Just hopefully this isn’t standard practice for your husband and HE feels embarrassed about his overreaction now!

Well, we don't know, I'm just guessing that he was waiting - in vain - for this couple to show any kind of initiative.
It doesn't justify offensive behaviour from the OP's husband.

I would be embarrassed for the shop assistants behaviour. I used to work on a checkout and it happens often. To be visibly annoyed is extremely poor customer service and your husband was rightly stating a fact. I would of complained to the manager as it could put people off shopping there due to a small mistake. I would've been annoyed hubby forgot after reminding him but the rudeness of the shop assistant is worse. I wouldn't want to shop there again because of the shop assistant.

So you think that the husband's behaviour was acceptable?

I suspect the Op name changed because there’s a number of threads attached to her name whereby her husband has been lairy / rude

I think it's ludicrous that you suspect that this man, who said nothing, is a misogynist. On no grounds whatsoever. 🙄