What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

[Pladi]

Fiancé and I met in our mid 20s in London. He is Norwegian. I have always been completely upfront that I would never even contemplate living in Norway. Not even Oslo. I must have made this clear from around the 2nd month of dating. Fiancé accepted that as he hated growing up in a fairly small town anyway.

Since becoming engaged fiancé has requested that we live in Oslo for a year after we marry. Just as an experience. I have said absolutely bloody not. There’s a long list of reasons why I wouldn’t consider this. Fiancé is “confused” as I did spend 18 months in Seattle for work. But Seattle (where I speak the language and am somewhat familiar with the culture) is a very different proposition to Oslo.

Im not happy that he’s changing the goal posts despite the fact I have never been anything but brutally transparent.

Ideally we would live in London for a couple more years then make the move to the burbs.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

yanbu to not want to live away. He is not being unreasonable to change his mind. He is a different person to the person he was 6 years ago, especially if you met fairly young. You’ve reached that crossroad of make or break.

ultimately you need to agree or split up. Don’t marry until this is resolved.

Mumsnets fascination with scandanavia as a utopia is in itself fascinating.

Me too. Men and MILs and mine MILs a doozy 😆

Going after marriage would be very risky. If it has to be done (hypothetically speaking) then it must be before marriage.

What do you actually know about living in Norway? Because you sound quite knowledgable, so you could help the OP.

My grandparents both moved to Canada from Scotland in the 1920s, met, got married and had 4 children - and then my grandfather wanted to come home, and for some reason my grandmother agreed. It wasnt even to her part of Scotland. He got what he wanted - she left all her family (who had also emigrated) behind for him. She hated being back in Scotland. They had a hard life here.

Anyway, i would be suspicious about this one year idea. He may just want to go home.

So do mine, very much so, but equally so does the future of my child and frankly the British economy scares me and I fear for the future here. Oslo is very close to the UK for visits back home.

I really dont see where the OP asked "Should i move to oslo pros and cons please"

Once again the point and the majority of posters are complete strangers

Isn’t Oslo as far from London as London is from Oslo?

Almost as if it's a personal preference

Thank you for the update but what does that have to do with OPs question

Well I said I’d never live north again, was adamant. Here I am Notth east Scotland and loving it ! In fact Norway 🇳🇴 is almost a neighbour 😂 Never say Never, you could be missing out on an experience of a life time .

Thread should be renamed 'How many Mumsnet posters want to move to Oslo?'

Funny for a forum known for 'That doesn't work for me' and 'No is a complete answer'.

But OP wants to stay close to her family and support network.

I really don't thin there is much compromise here, OP. Your partner wants to live in Norway. You don't. Sometimes "compromise" isn't a good thing.

Absolutely don't move. He's moving the goal posts and it doesn't bode well

That was before 💖scandanavia💖 was on the cards though

Motherland got it so right with hygge tygge 🤣

Lolling hard at all the "Norway is a eutopia!"

Who have never been there, or if they have, who don't want to actually live there.

Does it have to be a full year, OP? Could you plan lots of smaller visits to see his family etc over the next few years instead? It’s not like it’s the other side of the world - I’m sure there is a compromise to be had here.

Yes! Why hasn't lovely OP's DP suggested that. It's a mystery.

I think the key thing here is children: You must be heading for 30, if not there already, so were you planning any and if so, would that be quite soon after marriage?

I suspect it's likely that he wants to get you over there long enough to produce Norwegian children that you cannot take back to the UK without his consent. Also once children come along, it will be such a ball-ache to move back, you'll keep putting it off and before you know it, you'll in Norway forever.

If this does not appeal to you, say no and do not move. Be prepapred for this to spell the end of your relationship, though.

I personally would not write off the idea. If you stayed there before, was it in the house of his relative/in a hotel? This would not give you the authentic experience of life in Norway with your own home with your own transport car, which might be less claustrophobic. It would be interesting to know what house prices are like there.

You should also consider work availablity, pension, childcare, healthcare, cost of living, price of flights to UK for visits and visitors. Also family law and how separation and divorce affetc women, particularly non-citizens. On paper it could be a good deal.

If the two of you can't compromise enough to agree on where to live, it may be better not to get married. Life will be so difficult.
It's not unreasonable that he wants to spend a year with you in his own country, just as you want to continue living in yours. And it's understandable that you fear he won't leave at the end of the year, but it also sounds as if you don't trust him.
Could you wait a bit before getting married, until you can agree where to spend the next few years?

I don’t think you should marry. Neither of you is prepared to compromise.

Although he’s only asking for a year; you’re refusing even a year.

Well just because YOU said you'd never consider it doesn't mean HE can't consider it.

Norway is his home.

You can't go into marriage saying, "This is how it's going to be and I'm not compromising on that."

A big part of marriage is doing things that you maybe didn't absolutely want to do but you do because it's what your partner wants. Sometimes, you find that you actually love it. And next time there's something you really want, he will be more likely to make that sacrifice for you.

If you're not ready for that, then let the relationship go.

What compromise could there be? Between one person who want to live in the UK, near her relations, and one person who wants to live in Norway, near his relations.