What do you think of this ultimatum from Fiance?

[Pladi]

Fiancé and I met in our mid 20s in London. He is Norwegian. I have always been completely upfront that I would never even contemplate living in Norway. Not even Oslo. I must have made this clear from around the 2nd month of dating. Fiancé accepted that as he hated growing up in a fairly small town anyway.

Since becoming engaged fiancé has requested that we live in Oslo for a year after we marry. Just as an experience. I have said absolutely bloody not. There’s a long list of reasons why I wouldn’t consider this. Fiancé is “confused” as I did spend 18 months in Seattle for work. But Seattle (where I speak the language and am somewhat familiar with the culture) is a very different proposition to Oslo.

Im not happy that he’s changing the goal posts despite the fact I have never been anything but brutally transparent.

Ideally we would live in London for a couple more years then make the move to the burbs.

I’m not being unreasonable, am I?

It doesn’t matter if each citizen has more money that Elon Musk. It doesn’t matter if the trees on the pavement bear fruit that gives immunity from pain and all illnesses. It doesn’t matter if residency comes with a personal chef and masseuse.

OP. Doesn’t. Want. To. Live. There.

What is so hard to understand?

I. AM. NOT. SAYING. SHE. SHOULD. Quite the opposite. I am just saying that from the boyfriend's perspective, who is from there, speaks the language etc., it is not unreasonable to want to live there because on paper it makes sense. Neither of them are wrong or right, their wants are just too different for them to be together.

Have you seen anyone at all say that Norway is a terrible place that no one in their right mind would want to live!?

Literally no one at all has even almost implied it’s unreasonable for Norwegian people to want to live in Norway. No one.

If that’s your point, why are you making a completely irrelevant point again and again and again?

It's quite a popular idea to see countries as just random places that you can compare and contrast on a grid, with extra points for high wages and negative points for crime etc, then just hop over once you've analysed all the options and selected the optimal choice from your Excel sheet.

Passports to collect.

Culture is just different flavours of food and different coloured clothes, right?

I agree, neither is being unreasonable but I think they are both going in different directions now.

Are you both on board with moving to the suburbs?

I'd definitely consider living one year in Oslo in your situation - as long as my job prospects don't suffer.

ps. having re-read the OP, I think this must be a reverse.

There is nothing wrong with Texas apart from the heat. Dallas is one of the most diverse cities in the US and Austin is pretty cool!

You can't really compare being forced to live as a second class citizen, denied basic human rights and having the threat of imprisonment, corporal punishment and even execution without due process for things as simple as speaking freely, all whilst supporting a highly oppressive theocratic regime, with not really liking the cold.

And furthermore, @ConfusedSloth , I wouldn't be engaged to a any man unless he shared my values and a Saudi man who still supports his home regime wouldn't fit with that. A Saudi man who did not support his home regime would not be able to safely return anyway.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Right. So many people see to think she asked them for advice on this and cannot stop burbling and babbling on about it. She's made it clear, it's not happening.

No, but it seems like you are.

Comparing legitimate safety concerns and issues with the weather is silly.

I don't know the man well enough to know whether he's "pretending to be confused." Perhaps you do. And it does seem like he's offering some kind of a compromise. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt; I'm not going to assume that he has ill intent.

But regardless she doesn't have to accept any of that. She can just say "no I'm not going to Norway, this relationship is over." Those are the options.

Actually I should have said refuse to stop burbling and babbling about it. Bizarre how some mumsnetters on this thread just refuse to stop interjecting their own obsessive fascinations and answer the question the OP asked.

Well, I suppose if he is brain damaged, or has somehow completely forgotten everything she said to him over the last 6 years, or his English is so poor that he doesn't comprehend the facts that she made abundantly clear to him repeatedly, he might be confused.

I was just assuming he's of average or higher intelligence and understands that words mean things.

Are you the OP in a different account? No? Then why do you think your preferences override OP’s?

Genuinely? No British woman is allowed to marry a Saudi man or move to Saudi Arabia because it doesn’t align with your values?

OP is fully entitled to live wherever she likes for whatever reason she likes or no reason at all. Your opinion on Saudi Arabia, the UK or Norway make no difference. None. None at all.

View it this way. I don’t find Cristiano Ronaldo attractive. If Cristiano Ronaldo wanted to have sex with me and I said no, repeatedly, made it very clear and specified that I didn’t want to, would you think that you banging on and on and on about how attractive you think Cristiano Ronaldo is relevant? Would you think I’m unreasonable for choosing who I have sex with? Would you really tell me I have to uproot my life and ruin my marriage to shag Cristiano Ronaldo because you found information online that proves he’s hotter than my husband?!

Would you really say “I’d agree with OP if it were Boris Johnson” and “Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t comparable to Boris Johnson” and “OP’s entire autonomy goes out the window when it’s about a man I think is hot”?

Do you realise how fucking stupid it sounds now?

Of what? This query makes no sense.

Most Norwegians speak better English than many Brits

I'd seen it as a great opportunity...it's a much better place to raise children and you'll be better off there once climate change really takes hold.

"You'll be better off there" - excellent comedy comment, since she is simply not going :)

Well done, love a larf 😅

Yah, very Ab Fab 😂

OP don't leave where you love and all your friends and family for a man. Just don't. He shouldn't even ask you if he loves you. I did this and moved to Australia, and it totally ruined my life. Ive been back a while and rebuilt those relationships but it wasn't easy. My boyfriend lives only half hour away and I have said from the start I will not be moving anywhere ever again. Im walking distrance to all my friends and family and I will stay that way. He wouldn't even ask me because he knows it would be so upsetting for me.

I don't think your fiancee should even ask you tbh. You have made it clear from the outset that you love where you live for various reasons. He has a choice to make for sure, and you will have to accept it with grace if it he decides not to ahead and marry you because he wants to go to his hometown. That will be hard, but dont fgs compromise on this. It won't end well.

Not when people are also suggesting op is being U because he might be missing his family, feel like an outsider here, why wouldn't op want to explore his culture, learn his language, immerse herself fully in it etc.

Seems they dont matter if its a country that a poster doesn't like 🙃

This is painful.

You are asking if moving to Saudi is equivalent to moving to Norway for the sake of your fiance's happiness.

One is a risk to my safety and affront to my moral values, one is not.

If OP has valid safety concerns or moral objections about moving to Norway then that would be different matter, but the question would be, if your values are so anti-Norwegian, why are you marrying a Norwegian man?

I wouldn't marry a Saudi unless they shared my belief that oppressive theocracies are wrong.

He isnt offering a compromise. Hes stated what he wants and offered no alternative that meets in the middle, which is what a compromise is.