To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

Nah, this thread shows that normal adult and stable people are capable of saying "hey it's my birthday next week, got anything planned yet?" to a person who is described as loving and thoughtful and who is otherwise a great partner.

What an amazingly spiteful comment.

I once forgot DP's birthday. I hadn't forgotten that the birthday was imminent, I was just mistaken about the date - I went through the entire day thinking it was the 16th of the month when it was actually the 19th (his birthday) already. I'd already booked his birthday meal for the following weekend, but just went through the entire day without saying happy birthday to him. By the evening he tried to give me a Hard Stare about it but couldn't because he was laughing at my absent-mindedness (and consequent mortification) too much.

People forget things. It happens. Must say the OP's situation does seem quite unusual because it's not a case of "my awful husband forgets every year" and the proximity to his mother's birthday means that it's less likely to have just slipped his mind. (I assume the previous incident of forgetting the OP's birthday was because he hadn't yet internalised when it was, as it was early in their relationship.)

You made me laugh! This is a big, healthy dose of truth. I'm not going to be mad at him but I don't want to be molly coddling him either. I'm not his mum.

You are going to be so sick of all the "birthday wishes" posts today by the time your actual birthday comes around tomorrow OP 😁

I agree with this. If it were me I wouldn't mention it, so long as you're prepared to not dwell on it if he has forgotten. It sounds as though you have a good relationship in general and I'd rather a genuine apology rather than a hasty last minute job.

If you both can take it in good humour and you think he'll remember next time then I'd see how it plays out.

No, this thread doesn’t show that. You had that opinion before you even opened the thread and are selectively choosing that the responses that agree with you are the normal, rational and reasonable responses.

Next time your DH upsets you, remember that there are plenty of women on here who wouldn’t be upset by what he’s done. Therefore, you’re wrong, it’s your fault, you should’ve prevented it and you’re being dramatic 🤷‍♀️ Some women don’t care if their DH flirts with other people or doesn’t bother with household chores or doesn’t let her go out with friends - if you do then, I’m sorry to say, the fact other women don’t care (according to your logic) means you’re a terrible person and you’re overdramatic.

Or, instead, the rational response - that OP is allowed to care about different things to you. You’re not Queen of the World.

Happy birthday for tomorrow @DoneWithThisShizzle btw it's the same date as my exh's birthday - we're not been together for more than 30 years but somehow I can still remember!

My current dh once forgot our wedding anniversary. We don't usually do anything extravagant, but always a card. I had no inkling that he'd forgotten, and the evening before I asked if he wanted to do anything for our anniversary. "What anniversary?" Then he gasped, looked shocked, there was no hiding it. I said "you've got exactly 15 minutes to get to the supermarket and buy flowers and a card." He made it.

It is something we laugh about every year "the time that husband forgot the anniversary and couldn't deny that he'd forgotten"

I couldn't be upset about it.
Ask him if he needs any help with his mother's birthday arrangements.

Have you not had a single conversation about plans for your birthday? We are very low key about birthdays but we do make plans in advance. It might be the birthday person who brings it up or it might be the other one. Generally one of us hasn't realised the date has crept up but we are neither of us precious about it. I would just say "It's my birthday tomorrow, not sure if you'd forgotten. I fancy doing xyz. You up for it?" Job done. I don't think I could get het up about another close family member's big birthday (60, 70, 80 etc) overshadowing mine. I'd definitely not go silent and passive aggressive about it.

No one said she can’t be hurt. Playing vindictive games on his next birthday and deliberately not speaking up about her hurt ahead of time is a separate issue.

Right? 😅Honestly, she made me laugh, it didn't land at all, her own venom was dripping from the screen, I just tossed a grenade back at her, bullies hate that.

1. She can’t be hurt until it’s happened.
2. I didn’t mention being vindictive. I mentioned being allowed to be upset and express that.

What’s worse - a nagging feeling he’s forgotten, so saying to him shall we go out for dinner on Thursday for my birthday. Feel a bit annoyed that you’ve had to remind him, but then wake up to cards, a gift and a nice day out.

or

Prove a point, wake up on your birthday, no fuss, no card, feeling sad and angry that he’s forgotten and wallowing in it for the whole day.

Id prefer to enjoy the day. Especially as she says he’s normally a good husband, it would be for me though not for him

She refuses to answer that question and so I am guessing that she has very deliberately said nothing in the hope that he'll forget. I also believe she's jealous of his attention to his mother and hoping to have a go at him for that.

This thread appears to be full to the brim with posters who don’t seem to understand that different people are different and we all have different love languages.
For some people, it’s the gift that matters, for some it’s spending time together on a special occasion

But if you can’t handle one slip up surrounding your love language then that’s unreasonable. You can be hurt, sure. But there’s zero need to orchestrate repercussions for it.

Does he own such a thing as a mobile phone? With a calendar? That he can set for important dates with reminders and beeps and so on?

You could always snoop his pho -

Oh for goodness sake, just say. Not knowing is worse than knowing.

If he then goes I know, ta daah, you'll feel relieved.

But if he then does oh shit I forgot, either verbally or in body language, just be open and honest that you're upset and hurt about that.

Then have a conversation with him that was very well expressed earlier about how you do the mental load, how it's always been the day before his mum's, how he's able to remember work engagements, appointments, meetups with his friends etc and that in future
you expect the same consideration that he gives them, and you give him.

Either way you'll feel better than this.

You've given the impression that he's a good bloke and that if he's forgotten, it's unusual.

Stop the 'guess what's wrong' and don't do the tit for tat thing.

I think his mother's birthday party planning is a big enough sign tbh.

But it would be vindictive of her to deliberately pretend to forget his birthday to spitefully repay him. Whereas if he has forgotten her birthday it's just a normal, human mistake.

This

Love that all the posters saying nasty things to OP are now backtracking and saying “no no no no, she’s obviously allowed to be upset by things, she obviously can be hurt by things different from me, obviously she’s allowed to feel things” and then also carrying on calling her “vindictive”, “jealous”, “intentionally setting him up”, “desperate to have a go at him”.

Yeah, your hypocrisy is showing…

Yes - once early in their relationship before they got married. Completely irrelevant.

Did he remember?

So, if he’s not done it before then it’s relevant that he hasn’t done it before but he has done it before so now whether he’s done it before isn’t relevant.

So, to be clear, it’s only relevant when it agrees with you and not when it doesn’t?

Love this! It's brilliant.

Happy birthday for Thursday, OP xx