Did DH have a thing for this woman & why won't he admit it?

[mrsembarassed69]

I have no reason to be worried about him cheating (or trying to, she'd have to reciprocate), but I suspect DH has a thing for a younger woman who's an acquaintance. She's a woman who lives locally, goes to our gym and occasionally one of our local pubs. We see her once every month or so, sometimes he's seen her own (he'll briefly mention it).

We've been married since we were 20 (now 50).

Although DH doesn't say much about this woman, I've seen how he looks at her. He literally stares a hole through her like he's transfixed. She must notice. Others might have noticed. He is always fascinated by what she's saying as has lots of questions. And ridiculous jokes or stories. Although he can be talkative with anyone, he doesn't act that interested.

You can't miss it, and I had a go at him about last time, and said, "anyone would think you fancy her....she's young enough to be your daughter! You've embarrassed me but yourself more". DH just said, "no I don't she's so young....she's so young she doesn't know what X is and who Y is, etc".

The next time we saw her in the gym, DH starts peppering every other sentence with, "aww, you're so young you don't know what Seinfield is", or something like that. He also made a point of mentioning, "we live in London now, and I love it, and so does [my name], which is lucky."

It just seems so conspicuous. Do you think it's embarrassing? Why doesn't he just admit he has a thing for her (I think he probably does)?

@PurpleLeather I know, the “everyone fancies other people, so what?” attitude is the cool, enlightened reaction, but is it realistic?

As for DH and me pointing out young men in a bid to make him jealous, I don’t think he’d be that bothered. I do think men are less jealous in general. I also think he knows I wouldn’t stand a chance or get attention from a much younger man.

He’s made you feel like utter crap, I can tell that by your feeling that a younger man wouldn’t be fancying you nor your husband bothered by it. I do think all these I wouldn’t care, it’s normal people are not being entirely truthful. If they are, what a state modern relationships are in and no wonder most of them don’t last.

you need to make a stand, for two reasons - he’s being disloyal and that’s out of order and if it carries on, it could break up your marriage. Next time he does it, notice how it makes you feel and walk off, leave, or voice his sad behaviour in front of her, humiliate him as he’s doing to you. But love, do something xx

Wow. Firstly men are not less jealous. Men kill because of possessiveness!
Secondly many young men definitely like older women. I get chatted up by young men more than when I was younger.
Thirdly why would a young woman be interested in him but a young man not in you?
He’s really done a number on you, your confidence is through the floor.

Yes there are possessive men, but I think women are more jealous about their DH/DP looking at other women than the reverse.

I don’t really look like a MILF or cougar 😂I don’t have kids, but the kind of older man you’re describing, who appeals to
younger men, isn’t how I look. I am still fairly slim, though, which not everyone in their 50s is.

It’s not the fact that he’s older and fancies her, it’s that his behaviour is so over the top that it could be making her uncomfortable. If they use the same gym/ pubs, she may think it would be awkward to say anything to him about any discomfort she feels.

Agreed. Women may feel jealous/ possessive, but I don’t know of any conclusive evidence to say that it’s more likely than men’s jealousy.

However, there are lots of horrific examples of men killing their wives/ partners/ exes, and even entire families, because of jealousy or revenge.

True, but I don't think my DH would be jealous about me commenting on or looking at a younger man. He's always felt he's the better looking one in the couple, I think, and by mainstream standards he probably is.

@PurpleLeather Thank you. For your ‘do something’, I already kind of have (had stern words with him, and he has changed some of his behaviour). But when I say he wouldn’t be bothered if I tried to flirt with or comment on an attractive younger man, that’s because DH thinks he’s the better looking one of the couple 😂